Step daughters 18th meal

[Bitterfromthesweet]

My husband spilt from his ex 10 years ago. They have a daughter together. I have been with my husband for 9 years.
She is coming up to her 18th birthday and my husband’s ex suggested the two of them take their daughter out for dinner as they have “raised her to 18”

I didn’t see a problem with the meal but this comment has annoyed me, as I have also been in her life for 9 years. I took her out when she wanted to go when she was younger, picked her up from school, gave her all her meals, tidied her room, done her washing etc.

This has made me feel like a free nanny for 9 years.
Maybe I’m over reacting. I don’t want to go to the meal, it would be weird, but an invite would have been nice.

You seem really good natured, sorry that this has illuminated things that have made you feel unappreciated. You now know so you can either challenge or change it.

Imo you are reading too much into that word "parenting". Like it or not, and regardless of how much "parenting" you too have done or how unfairly unappreciated you have been, they are her birth parents and have "done parenting" (however badly) for 18 years. It sounds to me like her DM used a light-hearted turn of phrase to which you are attaching far too much importance.

I agree - how awful that this man didn’t show up for his children because he felt his wife should be there.

what a clear signal that he picked his new wife over his children.

while of course it would have been polite to include his wife - what was more important, that this woman was shown manners and respect, or that children got to see their dad at special occasions.

people have awful priorities

You got together with your DH just 6 months after he had split from his wife? No wonder you dsd had taken a dislike to you.

How is their relationship? Your husband and his ex are they on good terms etc? I understand the uneasy feeling of them spending time together but surely after this amount of time you can trust him.

If I were you I would make plans with some girlfriends that night to go out for dinner so you’re not sitting in watching the clock. Get yourself dolled up and feeling good about yourself. If the SD is now 18 that’s her an adult why don’t you and DH start to make each other a priority and focus on your relationship for a while.

In time your SD will see everything you done for her but don’t hold breath just get on with your own life

Ufff this is one you have to accept as part of the package. Small price to pay as it is only a dinner.

So what on earth is all the fuss about - this is actually a waste of a post!