Would you expect/would your family join in with the Tom foolery?

[Pissingitdownquelsurprise]

Had parents and sibling and niece & nephew (late teens) over this weekend
Our Dc is 6 and bouncing all over the place talking to everyone, sibling and DN and DN are quiet people, which I get. Dd asking them if they wanted to play or trying to make conversation, no one really making any effort with her, so it always ends up being Dh and me running around playing with her, doing hide and seek and playing games etc. I totally get that they all probably don’t want to and it’s not much fun, but wouldn’t you give attention..,or at least talk to your little cousin/niece?

Felt a bit sorry for her as she was literally getting nothing back and loves them.

Well no wonder they were all on their phones if you were out in the garden playing hide and seek 😀.

I think this is probably six of one and half a dozen of the other. You’re an inept host and they’re inept guests. They’re probably have a good old moan about how dreadful it all was right now, just like you are.

Do something different next time. Maybe meet your sister for lunch and leave all the kids behind.

I can imagine the mumsnet post from the guests about the 6 year old wanting to be center of attention and the parents playing hide and seek!!

Op what your describing is toddler behaviour the good thing about 6 year olds is they are usually a lot calmer and can amuse themselves. I think she might of got a different response from everyone if she asked them to colour with her or play a game like a board game as then everyone can still be in the same room and part of the conversation. Expecting people to run around or even worse go outside to play hide and seek in November isn't something many people want to do when visiting.

Of course they should make some effort with her. They're lazy bastards.

I'm thinking back to if I can ever remember a situation like this with my own four children. No I can't because we taught them from an early age what kind of behaviour was OK in different social situations. Way before 6! Your younger visitors sound a bit dull but such is life and you sound as though you are entitling your dd to be the centre of attention. I'm sure you quite rightly adore her but why should everyone else?

Two things.

Young children feel entitled to be the centre of situations.
Young adults are addicted to their phones.

She has Adhd

She was just v excited to see her cousins and auntie. She wasn’t brattish or being too much. She’s energetic yes, but not rude and not annoying and a little girl.

Dh and I were not rude, we took her outside for space to run around and play

It was upsetting to see her positively wanting to connect and not really understanding why people weren’t talking. She’s not really used to it, people we know all converse and laugh and try to have a nice time, especially with kids. But I understand my family isn’t like this, but it’s sad, sad not to make some effort at least.

I have two children. Polite, well behaved, know not to interrupt, not to try to dominate social situations, not to run around when the adults are talking, to amuse themselves quietly, can pick up on social cues, certainly know that hide and seek isn't an appropriate game when guests are round etc.

You are not doing your DD any favours by not correcting her bad behaviour. She will struggle with friendships and relationships if she always expects to be centred and to get her own way.

My dc (early 20s) would play with younger cousins in this situation. Totally normal to them to want to engage with them.

Provide entertainment??? I’m talking about just making some effort with their family, that is all

My DD has ADHD too but I still expect her to amuse herself a good chunk of the time and not be in the face of my guests all the time.

I would have too, but not everyone is me.

One minute it’s tomfoolery, bouncing and running, the next it’s just wanting a nice quiet chat that for some unspoken reason (tree climbing possibly) you couldn’t be arsed to facilitate. She kept asking them to play what? Hide and seek one assumes given that that’s what you ended up playing, why on earth didn’t you realise that they didn’t want to be badgered to go out and play and say “I’m just chatting with Alex and Edwin about their holiday plans, why don’t you get your friendship bracelets/dominos/coloured pencils/card game to show everyone because we aren’t playing hide and seek right now” ? Adult guests don’t want tomfoolery, bouncing and running, as a general rule, with 6yo they that they haven’t seen for ages. They signalled they didn’t want to bounce, run and hide by withdrawing attention and you let a 6yo flounder and get upset instead of helping her engage.

Ooh there are some perfectly behaved dc in some mumsnetter's houses! Never read so much rubbish as some of the responses here. The wine is out i think.

My goodness, there are some horrible people on this thread. So many unpleasant comments about a SIX year old ranging from assumptions, to full-on invention based on nothing the OP actually said.

I sometimes think that if people on Mumsnet talked about any other category of humans the way they talk about children they would be banned. They’re one of the only demographics it’s ok to say you hate (even on a website primarily aimed at parents) although they do the least harm.

I wouldn’t expect visiting family to play with my child if they don’t want to or act like they’re the centre of the universe. I WOULD expect them have some manners and to be friendly and engage with them and not pretend they don’t exist.

Because they are a member of the family and matter as much as everyone else.

I wish your girl were my niece! I would love to have a sister and a child in my life but my only sister died, and when I see families not interacting with the kids like this, it is so sad as many of us would give anything to have that little girl in our lives.

I wish you lived near me because I would be asking to be honorary sister so that your daughter gets lots of interaction when she visits! I am a naturally quiet person but if a child wanted me to play a game, I'd be right into it! What a sad situation. :(

Yes, so many horrid people, quite upsetting 😔 just jumping on and attacking

Thank you 🙏 was losing a bit of faith in people then. Totally agree with you

Also, what were her parents supposed to do? They had to do something to entertain her and the relatives were there for 5-6 hours. That’s a very long time for a 6 year old to be “seen and not heard.” Was she just supposed to amuse herself for that whole time?

She has Adhd

Drippy drippy drip drip

That’s so sweet 🥹 so sorry about your sister 🌷

I think people are being a bit mean about your daughter. She’s 6, so Year 1 and just learning the intricacies of social interaction.

My DC are a good 10+ years older than their cousins and always played with them and entertained them at big family gatherings. I only found out some years later how stressful they found it. But they were too polite to say anything.

I wouldn’t necessarily expect your nieces to play games if it really isn’t their thing, but it wouldn’t have killed them to have a little chat, maybe asked about school and friends or whatever. They shouldn’t have just ignored her. That is rude.

"She has Adhd"

That's a pretty big detail to leave until page 4.

I say this as a parent with ADHD kids - what you think is normal 6 year old behaviour isn't what other people think is normal behaviour. 5-6 hours in the company of an ADHD 6 year old is pretty overwhelming for people who aren't used to it. You had an adult gathering in your house. They were never going to "join in with the tom foolery".

Nope, didn’t think I would have to put it in my post and didn’t want to, but that poster was so vile.,,the one with two kids (of course she has kids 🙄) that I needed to defend the situation

Er, yes, entertainment. You want them to play games with her and engage in small child conversation. That is entertaining her.

You already know they have different personalities, are reserved, yet you still expect them to act out of character for you and 'join in with tomfoolery'.

Perhaps, as young adults, even being there was the effort? Perhaps they would rather have been with people closer in age?