Would you expect/would your family join in with the Tom foolery?

[Pissingitdownquelsurprise]

Had parents and sibling and niece & nephew (late teens) over this weekend
Our Dc is 6 and bouncing all over the place talking to everyone, sibling and DN and DN are quiet people, which I get. Dd asking them if they wanted to play or trying to make conversation, no one really making any effort with her, so it always ends up being Dh and me running around playing with her, doing hide and seek and playing games etc. I totally get that they all probably don’t want to and it’s not much fun, but wouldn’t you give attention..,or at least talk to your little cousin/niece?

Felt a bit sorry for her as she was literally getting nothing back and loves them.

WOWZER.

I think the issue with the niece and nephew is that they are too old to play with a young child and have an interest in them. If they were perhaps a bit younger maybe they would have been more willing to entertain her.

You mentioned other family members were there too, did they play with her or was it just the niece and nephew that didn't?

I agree that playing a board game is the way forward in the future as these are generally enjoyed by people of all ages. I think playing hide and seek is a game for children and becomes quite tedious as an adult to play unless it's your own child you are entertaining or you are a besotted grandparent.

How about the fact they were visiting the PARENTS. Id be pretty miffed if my relatives visited me and just spoke or played with 6 year old.

It doesn’t have to be either or, does it? You can speak to both the 6 year old AND the parents et different times during the visit.

"mumsnet is massively overpopulated with “Miserable Fuckers"

I'd take a good look in the mirror.

Yes, I would have played with her and got my kids involved. Actually I have young adult sons who love it when next door pop in with their little ones. They teach them how to play games in the garden.

What were they doing instead? Sitting on their phones, I bet.

Just read all your posts OP and surprise, surprise I was right, they were on their phones.

I get the impression you've had a hard time on this thread ! Honestly, you are absolutely right that the normal and polite thing to do is to interact.

It’s a sad states of affairs that family don't have the social skills to actually talk and play with younger family members and also that so many posters seem to believe its fine to sit and scroll on a phone at a family gathering! It’s absolutely not the way things should be.

Little kids are tedious, their games are even more so. And I include my own in that. When she was 6. Because she's my own DD, I obviously did engage, and forced myself to play games. But that's as far as I'd be willing to go, there's zero chance I'd be playing hide and seek or whatever with kids who are not my own. I would ask couple of questions out of politeness, but that would be it. What kind of revelations/stimulating conversation can you get out of a 6 year old? Inane chatter.

Tweens, teens, young adults are a different story. I'd definitely engage with those, much more interesting.

It does seem that way.

I was obviously really lucky to have amazing aunts, uncles and grandparents that made a huge effort with me - although teenage cousins I can understand not being interested.

It's so sad that so many people on here see children as tedious or boring or annoying. I made a big effort with my nieces and nephew and had a lot of fun.

Children are tedious unless you love them (and even then they can still be!) It is what it is, and parents like the OP who think that the world needs to bend over backwards for their little darling don't help.

No, it’s really not too much to expect your own family to speak to and engage with a young member of the family. It should be normal.

You make out that she’s asking a lot by using the phrase ‘bend over backwards’ but if you read all the OP’s posts, her family actually ended up sitting and scrolling on their phones rather than engage with the 6 year old! You really think that’s okay?

It’s sad.

Eh, children are tedious, especially when they're not your own and they're bouncing all over you wanting to play.

I really enjoyed my children, I loved spending time with them at all ages and I supervised them when out. I also enjoyed other people's children at the time too, and interacted with them alongside my own children as well. No problems there, it was a stage of life.

I don't mind children being around in public (if their parents are supervising them, which there are some poor examples of). There were many years I couldn't have a meal in public, or sit down and chat, without an interruption because a child needed attention (which was fine, life stage). I'm not prepared to do that for random kids now. Their parents can have the interrupted meal to deal with their kids in public. Not my problem. It's my time to sit down and enjoy an uninterrupted meal and chat when I'm out. Your kids can be around me but that doesn't mean they are included in what I'm doing.

I was walking around the lake the other day, thinking how nice it is to walk with my children and now not have to be constantly vigilant of child safety near water. You can never switch off. Now I can enjoy the trees and just relaxing my mind. I intend to enjoy that and any children in the area are not on my radar. Their parents can do what I used to do.

You may feel differently in 20 years, OP. That doesn't mean you don't like the presence of children, you may just not want to deal with things that were part of a different life stage.

Maybe, when you have visitors, you can organise for your child to have a friend to visit. Then she'll have someone to play with and not be all over adults to play with her constantly.

Speak to and engage don't have to mean running around the yard playing hide and seek. They should be acknowledged and included, but not be the centre of attention all the time.

OP please let me know what country you are referring to.
If it’s the norm for adults to be expected to spend hours playing with an overindulged 6 year old who doesn’t have any boundaries and for kids to be running riot in pubs then I’ll avoid visiting there! Just for the record I’ve had 3 cups of tea today and don’t hate children. I have two of my own who were not forced on guests when they visited because I had enough self awareness to realise that this is a selfish attitude.

She never said hours. Where did the op say hours?

Who said the kid is over indulged?

Over indulged because, shock horror, the kid wants to play? Chat? Interact in the only way a kid really knows how? OMG!

gosh some awful people on this thread. I thought we were past the days of kids being “seen and not heard” but apparently not!

op YADNBU. Even my very old-school FIL will interact with the young kids in the family. As the older person it’s very easy to direct kids to do something you’d enjoy. So if DS asked FIL to play hide and seek he’d say “I’m too old for that but bring me your favourite book and let’s read it together” or “bring me your toy knights and tell me about them”.

once they’ve had that positive interaction it’s fine to then say, “it’s been lovely playing with you but I’m going to catch up with auntie X now. Let’s play Snap after lunch”. THAT’s having social skills around kids, not ignoring them or telling them to go away. Especially when they’re your niece/cousin!

so glad my family and friends are nice, normal people and not like the child/people haters on here!

They’re not “OP’s visitors”, they’re her daughter’s family! totally different if they were eg the OP’s colleagues or friends from her book club. The relatives weren’t being asked to be responsible for the child, just to have a proper conversation with her!

Exactly this. ⬆️

Conversation is fine and would be expected as polite. Having to run around the backyard playing hide and seek isn't such a reasonable expectation.

I do wonder if some on this thread are used to mansions where children can simply be confined to the attics/the east wing when not required.

I also wonder how many of those outraged that a 6 year old would want to speak to their own family members have had their kids glued to the TV or a tablet since they could support their own heads. I’m sure it’s not all but maybe this is why some parents do it? Fear of the child impinging on others?

@SugarPlumpFairyCakes

She never said hours. Where did the op say hours?
Who said the kid is over indulged?
Over indulged because, shock horror, the kid wants to play? Chat? Interact in the only way a kid really knows how? OMG!

You sound as entitled as the OP! 🙄
Of course the kid is overindulged if it’s the expectation that the world revolves around her. At 6 years old a child should have the level of understanding that they should not expect adults and older teenagers to entertain them. The OP said the family were visiting for a few hours, I did not see her state that she expected people to play for only a few minutes. It came across that the 6 year old dictated the events which most of us replying on here disagree with. This is not fair on the family members or the child to grow up thinking that they can get their own way. This sort of attitude is the reason why behaviour is so awful in schools and in society in general at the moment.
As for your ‘interact the only way a kid really knows how’ comment, that should not be the case at 6. My DC were perfectly capable of sitting and having a conversation and would not have expected adults and teenagers to play games with them, my youngest also has ADHD but I have never allowed her to use this as an excuse to behave badly.
Small children can be tedious and not as adorable to others as they are to their own parents. There’s nothing wrong with thinking this and it doesn’t mean we are all child haters. It’s perfectly fine for people to have different views on the subject. It’s interesting that you are sending unpleasant responses to posters disagreeing with the OP but I haven’t seen you mention anything about it being wrong for the OP to accuse anyone who disagrees with her to be child hating drunks!

so glad my family and friends are nice, normal people and not like the child/people haters on here!

It’s not being a “child hater” not to want a six year old bouncing around all over you 🙄

I have no issue chatting to a small child who is being polite and well-behaved, but if one was bouncing all over me and constantly wanting attention, I would expect the parents to intervene and take them out somewhere for a bit, or set them up with a film or some colouring.

In OP’s scenario she could have spent time with her family while her DH took the 6yo the park to burn off some energy.

'DD asking them if they wanted to play or trying to make conversation.'

From the OP. Her family couldn't even manage that!

Is that really asking too much? It should be normal to engage with any family member including a young one. Instead, they sat scrolling on their phones!

I would engage with a polite child but not one that was (in OP’s own words) bouncing around everywhere.