Would you expect/would your family join in with the Tom foolery?

[Pissingitdownquelsurprise]

Had parents and sibling and niece & nephew (late teens) over this weekend
Our Dc is 6 and bouncing all over the place talking to everyone, sibling and DN and DN are quiet people, which I get. Dd asking them if they wanted to play or trying to make conversation, no one really making any effort with her, so it always ends up being Dh and me running around playing with her, doing hide and seek and playing games etc. I totally get that they all probably don’t want to and it’s not much fun, but wouldn’t you give attention..,or at least talk to your little cousin/niece?

Felt a bit sorry for her as she was literally getting nothing back and loves them.

Really?

You wouldn’t be able to spare a few minutes to play with a child related to you? It’s not a stranger, it’s a member of your own family, the child of your sibling and yet you can’t engage with them for even a few minutes?

How sad for you to miss out on seeing the world through the eyes of a 6 year old for a few minutes of imaginary play.

"Tomfoolery" is not really my thing and I don't join in with it regardless of whether the people doing it are children or adults. I don't enjoy playing with children at all - it's one of the reasons I'm child-free. I don't think they're brats and I'm not rude to them, I just say "sorry, no thanks, aunty gannett is tired!" and give a meaningful look to their parents - who then play with their own child, which is their job. I'd be really unimpressed if any of them threw a hissy fit about me not wanting to do a job I never signed up for.

Some of the children are now teenagers and I'm much more comfortable chatting to them - I treat them like adults and as my equals, and that's all teenagers want really.

OP sounds like she was the one on the wine tbh.

It’s a shame the cousins didn’t engage at all, it’s possible they just don’t know how, or were resenting being at what they thought of as a boring family visit. I would have engaged in some colouring or a board game. You were completely wrong to both go in the garden though to play hide and seek. That was rude to your guests and over-indulgent of your daughter.

Some posters on here being very rude about a small girl who has committed the crime of being six and trying to speak to her family members: her grandparents, auntie or uncle and cousins.

nah. OPs own description - followed up with the ADHD - is that she was bouncing around talking at them.

I would have told her to calm the fuck down (in an age appropriate way) and then given her 10-15 minutes to talk.
And then I'd want to talk to the adults without being pestered. Other people are different and nobody is obliged to placate a child who is being a lot bit of a pest.

No. Because a) at that age (the cousins) i didn't have any interest in children. and b) it would be rewarding bad behaviour (I similarly don't pet animals that jump at me, when they are calm, then i interact)

As a parent? i would never have let my child pester my guests, family or not.

ETA. As for that last sentence. I cannot eyeroll enough to convey how twee that is. Of course i can see the world through the eyes of a 6 year old. I was one for starters, and i have had several of my own.

Well behaved kids? even a little excited for a few minutes? no issue at all. The behaviour OP describes? absolutely not.

I would expect to make a bit of a fuss of a younger child but I wouldn't expect my children to.
I wouldn't have engaged with running around games though. I may have suggested a walk to the park to run off some of her energy.

As a parent, I used to keep a little box of novel things that I would bring out when we were visiting our had visitors, maybe that would be a help.
Maybe set aside some stuff that can be engaged in quietly with her that isn't all encompassing, so brio train set, a jigsaw, some special colouring things, icing pens for decorating biscuits etc....

It’s not down to your family to entertain your kid . Far getter you teach her to calm down and behave when you have visitors or you may end up having no visitors

I have children/young adults the age of the OP's relatives and I'm trying to imagine them going to someone's house and being expected to play hide and seek with a 6 year old. Just no.

They would potentially be up for a short game of Uno, or snakes and ladders. But not hide and seek, "let's play dollies", that sort of play.

Honestly this thread is wild. Sometimes I feel like I’ve stumbled into a parallel universe on here as it’s so far removed from how people I know in real life relate to each other.

I never appreciated before how lucky we were that our DC grew up with so people in their life (outside our own family unit) who were patient with them and took an interest in them when they were wee.

Now, years later, I often have other adults (friends’ parents, sports coaches etc) telling me how polite and well-behaved they are. They can chat to just about anyone and always take an interest in other people. I’m sure part of the reason for this is that other people made an effort with them when they were young.

And then throw their toys out of the pram and want the thread deleted 😂

I haven’t seen any drunk replies

Nobody is saying its ok to completely ignore her or not spending anytime playing with her. Its what op was expecting people to do go outside to play hide and seek in November, run around. Allowing the 6 year old to be bouncing around all over the place talking at everyone. If dd had got out some colouring and maybe a board games where the adults can still stay in the same room and talk to everyone i think she would of got a different response. I also don't think it would hurt for op to say no once in a while, going outside to play hide and seek when you have visitors is crazy.

I think there's a difference between engaging , maybe reading a book or playing snap (or whatever) with the child and running around playing hide and seek

Teach your child to alter their behaviour depending on who they're with.

My young adults are like that. They had people around them who took a massive interest in them, but there were some who didn't and that was ok, we picked up the slack in terms of making sure they had some quiet activities with them, suggested meeting places that allowed them to play while adults chatted etc. Made agreements, "Can we have two hours of adults catching up, then we'll do xyz, here's a timer" etc...

Having said that, I am grumpy about their grandfather who didn't really engage with them at all.

OP says her 6yo was bouncing, running around, talking all the time, wanting to play hide and seek and has ADHD.

She also says her (adult) nephew and niece are very quiet people unlike herself and her husband.

The small amount of engaging a reserved 18 or 20 year old is happy to give a hyperactive 6yo is never going to be enough for her. 6yo kids are knackering and with the best will in the world, pretty boring after a very short time. I love the bones of mine but I'm damned relieved they can mostly entertain themselves.

"Tomfoolery"? Oh hell no. Tic tac toe and the boxes game for 20 minutes, sure.

@Pissingitdownquelsurprise your expectations are out of synch with social mores - and playing hide and seek is just bats. You had no need to get so nasty about people who disagree with you.

Stone cold sober with a coffee, incidentally.

the cousins are 18 and 20.
At that age i would expect them to be talking to the adults more than the bouncy chatty child.
I would expect parents of said child to suggest an activity (uno was a good one, jenga or something) that could be done for about half an hour, and then a normal visit to ensue.

This is where, you the parent, break out the Uno or similar game that can be played by allowing conversation to happen simultaneously.

Colouring, Play doh (especially play doh!) and decorating biscuits I find cross the kid/ teen divide. as do YouTube videos of cats. but you’re expecting too much. It’s hard (I had a young kid when all the other family had teens) it gets easier.

OP asks our thoughts on something, doesn’t like what the majority say, so accuses everyone of being drunk child haters. Classic.

Stone cold sober here, sat having a green tea with my cat curled up on my knee, just for context. And I think this all sounds too much. Bouncing around, tomfoolery, hide and seek… no thank you. Not saying I’d totally ignore her of course, I’d happily chat to her, have a few games of uno or admire her colouring, but it sounds as if you and your daughter expected the whole visit to be all about her. And that doesn’t suit everyone, especially “quiet” late teens.

Incidentally, one of my friends is coming round to ours this afternoon. She’ll be bringing her 4 year old. And like all other times she’s brought her, she brings her busy book, some colouring, some play doh etc. We certainly won’t be playing hide and seek and she won’t be bouncing around.

My niece used to behave similarly at that age. She would dominate any conversation, used to bounce and jump all over the place and was so LOUD. She was like a little hurricane. When my DB would bring her round to visit he would sit watching TV and relaxing and expect us to keep DN entertained while he had a break (which I do understand as he had it round the clock).

I’ll be honest, I used to dread their visits. I had three young DCs of my own but I never felt like I’d been run over by a truck like I did with DN.

I can see both sides here.

Yabu. There’s a time and a place for hide and seek etc and it’s with other friends her own age. No your niece and nephew wouldn’t be interested and I don’t blame them. I would redirect your daughter to something calmer like a board game perhaps that your niece and nephew can play with her. Running around as parents to play with your child when having guests is really rude and bizarre. Your daughter is not the centre of the world. Your world maybe but if you have guests then you need to accommodate them and that includes you interacting as adults with your guests. Not playing with your child, she can cope
surely for 5/6 hours not being centre of attention and running around.

I think it’s interesting that you say you are left to play hide and seek with your child. My children knew when relatives came over that they’d be sitting down colouring or play games. If your child was 3 that’s different but 6, a child of that age could bring toys to play with in the same space as everyone else or play a game with them.

To add, my children have younger cousins. Their mum sounds similar to you, my children indulge them and play but I do feel it works both ways, my children are older but are still children but it’s like their mum only sees her children as important.

If I went to visit people and they spent their time running around playing hide and seek with their 6 year old I wouldn't be in a rush to go back. Your child sounds annoying and should learn the world doesn't revolve around them.

Gosh OP, I hope after a night's sleep you've had a chance to think more clearly about this situation. You didn't come across well last night, accusing people of hating kids, being drunk, attacking you and more.

Of course it's not an easy thing to read that your parenting skills need work, but for the sake of your child I hope you will reflect on these posts and change the way you parent. No one expects a child to be hidden away in a room for 5-6 hours but your expectations aren't reasonable. I agree with the majority - stop using the excuse that your child is only little (she's not that young) and adhd is not an excuse not to set boundaries and say no to her/redirect her to other activities. If you refuse to accept that your child possibly comes across as annoying to others then it might cause more problems for you in the future.

No, am of the exactly the same opinion as last night and really shocked to see some people and their views towards children. She wasn’t misbehaving in any way at all and isn’t a brat, she’s a human like everyone in the room wanting to connect with family. I will say that in the future I will make the same effort as others, which amounts to basically nothing.

I am so grateful for all the supportive messsges I did receive last night, so thank you to those people

I was thinking about it this morning and do think in part it’s due to where we live now (not Uk) people love children where we are, children are included in everything and are to be celebrated, as are old people. It’s a lovely attitude to have and we’re very lucky to be around it!