Would you expect/would your family join in with the Tom foolery?

[Pissingitdownquelsurprise]

Had parents and sibling and niece & nephew (late teens) over this weekend
Our Dc is 6 and bouncing all over the place talking to everyone, sibling and DN and DN are quiet people, which I get. Dd asking them if they wanted to play or trying to make conversation, no one really making any effort with her, so it always ends up being Dh and me running around playing with her, doing hide and seek and playing games etc. I totally get that they all probably don’t want to and it’s not much fun, but wouldn’t you give attention..,or at least talk to your little cousin/niece?

Felt a bit sorry for her as she was literally getting nothing back and loves them.

From @Pissingitdownquelsurprise -
non mums who really dislike children and make it very vocal after a sad night on the wine.

lots of drunk people looking to wind up and upset others

You had no reason to make those accusations, not one was coming off as hammered or sad or disliking children. We just accept that over eager 6 years olds who "repeatedly" (your words) ask young adults to play aren't necessarily good company for quiet and reserved 20 year olds.

Talk about snide! My mother is like this towards my children and it has completely killed my relationship with her. Of course you don’t have to be kind to your family, but be prepared for the consequences.

Families are all different I suppose. OP hasn’t once said that he child was pestering people who had told her no, she said the girl tried to make conversation with her cousins and asked if they wanted to play with her. Clearly some posters really do think children should be seen and not heard but I’ve never been in a family home where a child speaking politely to a family member or asking if they want to eg play a card game with her would be looked on as rude, assuming she didn’t go on and on at them. If people don’t want to they say no thanks and a polite child then finds something else to do. But speaking and asking in itself isn’t rude, How do you teach children to interact at school or work if they’re not permitted to speak at home for goodness sake.

I think people are reading more into this than is there. We’ve all met children who are a pain in the neck, but it’s things like whinging, trying to constantly be the centre of attention, tantrums and yes sulky antisocial behaviour that I’d put in that category.

how do you get from that, that i wouldn'T "be kind" (ffs that phrase needs to be retired)

I can and do often engage with children. I quite like them. But when they bounce around and pester? i ignore them and hope they'll go away and come back when they can behave properly.

My children are 18 and 20. They’d happily chat to a 6yr old for 20/30min but they’d balk at 6hrs of child friendly games of hide and seek etc and would probably be “busy” next time they were asked to visit.
You seem to be hoping for a close cousin relationship OP but I think the age gap is just too big until they are all adults.

I’m not a big fan of excitable little ones but I love seeing my nieces and I’ll always take them a little present and engage with them - it would feel strange to be an aunty and not do that.

I guess you could try and find a middle ground - suggest your DD shows them her room or something she’s done at school and then afterwards explain you’d like her to read or play quietly for a bit. It’s not nice for her if she’s excited to see her extended family though. It’s a shame they won’t engage.

Wow, is everyone in life that disagrees with you drunk?

I will say that in the future I will make the same effort as others, which amounts to basically nothing.

It's interesting that people making constructive suggestions have been completely ignored.

I can totally see why you're sad.
It's lovely that your 6 year old wanted to make conversation and a shame your family showed no interest in her. Maybe more understandable with her cousins, but definitely a shame about her auntie.
We always try and engage and play with our niece who is 8. Tbh she's quite shy so sometimes it's like pulling teeth and I wish she'd be more like your daughter!
I do feel my niece is kind of the centre of attention during family meetups and sometimes it would be nice to have more adult conversations. But I understand why she is the focus, because we want her to know how loved and important she is to her aunt/uncle. And I hope that when me and my partner have kids, our siblings will also show a lot of interest and engage with their niece/nephew.

It is the 6 year old’s home. Don’t come to visit if you don’t want to speak to her?

It’s also kind of rude to visit somebody’s house and sit on your phone and not talk to them? I don’t understand why people are bending over backwards to criticise a 6 year old and give a free pass to young adults who should know better? When I was 20 (!) I understand that sometimes in life you have to do things that you’d rather not and be friendly to people when you don’t feel like it.

Surely it's just as rude for the parents to leave their guests and play hide and seek with a 6 year old

Maybe. But I was addressing someone having a go at the 6 year old.

This is a good example of a reply that’s honest and frank but not completely brutal. See, it can be done!

Also, different families have different expectations I guess. If I said to my parents “I’m just going to play with DC for 15 minutes as it’s a long afternoon for them - why don’t you relax for a bit, can I make you want a coffee before I join them?” they would have absolutely no problem with that. But we don’t really stand on ceremony with each other although we don’t get together that often.

There maybe needs to be a bit of give and take as well? For example, I have a football-loving DC who used to get very excited about having a kick-around with their grandpa who was a good player when he was young. My DF loves his DHC but does find young children a bit tiring. So I would always keep an eye on things so I knew when it was time for me to step in and relieve him.

I don't think the OP is as chill as that.

Only on MN would they think it's weird and inappropriate to want your family to pay attention to your child when they visit. This is such a weird place sometimes.

When my dad visits he plays with my 3yo. I've never asked him to, he just does because he....likes her. Weird I know. Sometimes they even play hide and seek. It's like they're related or something, for some reason he enjoys playing with her.

Only on MN would they think it's weird and inappropriate to want your family to pay attention to your child when they visit. This is such a weird place sometimes.

When my dad visits he plays with my 3yo. I've never asked him to, he just does because he....likes her. Weird I know. Sometimes they even play hide and seek. It's like they're related or something, for some reason he enjoys playing with her.

I would say there were some aggressive unreasonable responses last night that were highly suggestive of some being drunk. Particularly those calling the six year old dc names over and over again. Who does that? It is not normal or reasonable on a parenting support website. Really bizarre assumptions were made. The fact that one or two are still saying "we" think this as though everybody else agrees with them just highlights that some came to just pile on with abuse. Disagree by all means. It's not ok to abuse the op or her dc in doing so.

Yanbu.
Both my myself and my children would always make an effort with younger cousins, just like older cousins did it for ours.
Isn't that normal family interactions during visits?

Not much point if they have zero interest in her.

Would I/did I interact (as in, engaging in some conversation)? Sure. Run around and play? No. As a child, I wouldn’t have been allowed to pester clearly uninterested adults that had already declined to play either, family or not. Reading the room is a skill that children were/expected to learn. My experience was a culturally standard one.

I’m a south-eastern European that doesn’t live in the UK, incidentally.

I wouldn't expect my family to join in with tomfoolery, but would expect them to step up once it escalated to hi-jinks or monkey shines.

Yes, they sound boring old farts. Yanbu.

OP, mumsnet is massively overpopulated with “Miserable Fuckers, who are selfish beyond forbearance”, but think they are “quiet” or “introverted.”

Of course they shouldn’t ignore your child, but fundamentally they hate most/all people and can’t help themselves.

That’s all OP said about her DD’s behaviour. How did people get “brat” from that? I honestly don’t understand?

Because she's six, not three, and should know better than to "bounce around everywhere" while there are guests visiting.

I have very little interest in children but would happily play a board game or do some colouring with a 6yo niece. What I wouldn't do is run around a strange house playing hide and seek, or tolerate being bounced over and interrupted constantly.

In the scenario OP describes, I would expect her DH to take their child out for a bit to the park to burn off some energy while OP spent time with her family, then they could do something quiet afterwards without needing to bounce about and demand attention.

I actually think it's pretty poor parenting not to teach your child what activities are appropriate for certain situations.

Visits from friends and family who don't have small children - crafts, card games, board games, possibly Lego, colouring.

Games which 6 year olds play with other 6 year olds - running around, hide and seek, anything involving "you be the X and I am the Y".

It's not outrageous to expect interaction with your child. It is outrageous to allow that child to dictate what the interaction involves. No adult wants to play hide and seek, except over indulgent mothers.