Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Family members are financially dependent on me

174 replies

JR23 · 15/11/2025 21:50

AIBU? I’m 24, my mum and siblings are all unemployed, I’m in full time employment and have been since i was 17.

I’ve always tried to be financially sensible, I’ve got a high interest savings account and an Isa and am hoping to start a private pension in the new year, very very rarely over spend and am always on top of credit cards and never let the balance carry over.

The problem being that I’ve turned into the family cash cow, they’re forever at me for money for something, they make me feel guilty and they ask me as if they’re entitled to it. Tonight my mother has bold as brass asked me for £400 because she can’t afford to pay back her credit card and when I challenged her on how she plans to pay me back the £400 she couldn’t give me a straight answer.

Im just feeling really frustrated, they’re all fully able and capable of working and choose not to. I work really hard, in a job that I don’t particularly enjoy but it pays well and allows me the financial freedom to save for my future, but i feel like im being held back from that because everyone keeps taking money and then when i ask for it back suddenly im the bad guy. I’m just really sick and tired of it but not sure what to do. Putting my foot down doesn’t work, they just get abusive or guilt trip me. Any suggestions?

OP posts:
LifeBeginsToday · 15/11/2025 21:53

Do you live at home? Do you pay a fair rent? If you live away from home, or already pay your way, just say no.

Original poster
JR23 · 15/11/2025 21:55

LifeBeginsToday · 15/11/2025 21:53

Do you live at home? Do you pay a fair rent? If you live away from home, or already pay your way, just say no.

I do still live at home but I pay my board at the beginning of every month and i would say it’s a fair amount

OP posts:
TheFormidableMrsC · 15/11/2025 21:57

I really feel for you. You have to keep being firm. They are capable of working and choose not to. I’m not sure how anybody gets away with that these days. I hope you’re able to get out soon.

TomatoSandwiches · 15/11/2025 21:57

They're not taking your money you are giving it to them.

Stop and learn to say no, save up to move out and teach yourself about healthy boundaries or they will bleed you dry your whole life.

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 15/11/2025 21:58

Don't tell them how much you have, ever!

AffableApple · 15/11/2025 22:00

You.need to move out and be less accessible

FuzzyWolf · 15/11/2025 22:01

Hopefully you haven’t shared any of your financial choices with them so I would just reply with “I can’t afford to lend you that” on repeat.

cannynotsay · 15/11/2025 22:01

You’d be better moving out and focusing on yourself. I’ve had people drain me like this it’s not worth it

ArthriticOldLabrador · 15/11/2025 22:02

Move out if you can, and stop being a cash dispenser for your family.

StewkeyBlue · 15/11/2025 22:19

Well done OP, you are making a fantastic job of your life.

I have a 24 year old and cannot for one minute imagine asking them for their hard earned money.

Your family are a disgrace.

Imagine yourself covered in Teflon.

Bright and breezy “Sorry, Bank of JR23 closed “ and change the subject.
They ask again “we had that conversation”
They try and guilt trip you “Get a job! Like me!” They get abusive “I did you a favour, don’t speak to me like that please”.

And imagine all their nonsense bouncing off you. Or literally like water off a ducks back.

Do not under any circumstances give in. All that will teach them is that if they keep at it enough they will get your ££ in the end.

The quicker you stop giving them your money the quicker you can save the deposit for a room in a shared house.

Daffidale · 15/11/2025 22:19

Well done for getting yourself into a good financial position at your age. It’s clear you have a very different attitude and approach to money and work than your family, and that’s always going to cause you trouble I’m afraid. I suspect they feel “other people” owe them a living somehow hence not working and sponging off you.

I think best to start putting in place some boundaries. Decide how much you are willing to support them. Accept if you lend your Mum money you may not see it again. See anything you give them as a gift, not a loan. Start saying no, and get comfortable with them bad mouthing you as a result. People can be awful when it comes to feeling entitled to other people’s money I’m afraid.

If you’re feeling ballsy you could offer to help them find a job, or to make a plan with them to clear their credit card.

Don’t share financial information with them if you don’t have to.

I would also move out ASAP. It will make it easier to have that separation. And while you’re living there your Mum may feel (not totally unreasonably) that she’s subsidising your ability to save and so is entitled to some of that cash.

Missj25 · 15/11/2025 22:28

Op save for a deposit in a house share & move out ASAP..
Well done for doing so well for yourself in a house where the example they set is , it’s fine to sit on your ass all your life & never do anything..
It’s not fine , infact I can’t think of anything more depressing than never going out the door to do anything ..
I wish you the very best in life because you deserve it x

Gair · 15/11/2025 22:36

Don't lend them money. Move out. You will get dragged down and be the cash cow forever more if you do not set and maintain very firm boundaries. Do not tell them about your finances. When they ask for money, just say "Sorry, I'm afraid that my money is already committed", or just a plain "No, I can't do that".

Some people are crap with money and never learn. Some people are crap with money and learn eventually. Why should you pay for their learning process?

Make sure you do not have a joint account, loan, mortgage etc with them, or it will affect your credit score. Make sure you are fully covering your costs while you still live at home - not just a token payment.

AngelicKaty · 15/11/2025 22:37

@JR23 "Putting my foot down doesn’t work, they just get abusive or guilt trip me. Any suggestions?" Putting your foot down doesn't work because you don't mean it when you say No. What on earth makes them think you will give money to abusive people? (Unless you do.) What do they have to make you feel guilty about? (Nothing.)
You just need to tell them to never ask you again because the answer will always be No. AND. STICK. TO. IT.
Alternatively, move out and go NC with them.

Dollymylove · 15/11/2025 22:44

I voted you are being unreasonable if you are caving in to their demands. No is a complete sentence.
Tell them to get off their arses and get jobs, and plan your escape ASAP

Jugendstiel · 15/11/2025 22:47

Move out. Don't give unemployed siblings a penny. You'll know whether you give your mum enough after a few months of paying all bills and rent yourself.

LondonRower · 15/11/2025 22:49

AffableApple · 15/11/2025 22:00

You.need to move out and be less accessible

Very much this. Find a flat share or if you can afford it a studio/flat.

Bananalanacake · 16/11/2025 00:04

What a load of cheeky fuckers, why doesn't your mum work, has she ever worked? She's setting a bad example to your siblings who think it's ok to sponge off others. I would suggest you move out, being a lodger in someone's house works out cheaper than renting alone while you save for a deposit. I would cut contact with them completely, if you can't do that, put your foot down and say you're saving for a mortgage.

Shinyandnew1 · 16/11/2025 00:21

I do still live at home but I pay my board at the beginning of every month and i would say it’s a fair amount

Well, you need to move out and pay a 'fair amount' elsewhere.

Dacatspjs · 16/11/2025 00:25

If you're paying a fair amount of rent anyway then get a room in a houseshare. It'll save you money too because you won't end up subbing them all the time.

With a bit of distance they'll have less visibility on your finances too, so when they ask for money you can simply say you can't afford it.

chunkyBoo · 16/11/2025 00:42

You’re people’s easy option here! Tell them sorry but you’ve not got enough money, then get yourself out of their way asap with your own home, invest in yourself. £400 is a huge amount, it’s 10% of my take home salary almost and I’d really struggle to give that to anyone so that’s an enormous ask of anyone - CF brigade latch on easily to people who ‘do’

JHound · 16/11/2025 02:50

You can only be a cash cow if you choose to.

Just say, “no”. I selected “YABU” because you are enabling them.

pickywatermelon · 16/11/2025 04:22

What they are asking is completely unacceptable

You are 100% in the right

And unfortunately it’s unlikely to stop until you move and and go low contact for a number of years

Well done for all your hard work

Do you have close friends you can rely on for cheerleading and support of you as you make these steps?

What options could you have - lodging, shared place, renting your own…?

Silverbirchleaf · 16/11/2025 04:37

JHound · 16/11/2025 02:50

You can only be a cash cow if you choose to.

Just say, “no”. I selected “YABU” because you are enabling them.

Edited

I was thinking the same. They can ask, but you can say no. They’ve got used to you being complicit

JustMe2026 · 16/11/2025 05:43

Move out, your doing really well for yourself...I had to move out a very similar situation and much as I wanted and did help often it never got paid back so I took the plunge and moved out, best thing I did. It took a while for me to see paying other people's debts and credit cards was not helping me at all