To think my friend was racist, rude or both?

[RicottaOtter]

I was talking to a friend this morning. This friend is very concerned about excessive immigration to the UK, and plans to vote reform at the next general election because she believes only reform have the guts to tackle the problem properly. I was listening and not saying anything when this friend suddenly said, ‘Don’t worry - you’ll be okay, because of your husband, and you’re a mother to English children…’

I was gobsmacked at first - then realised she was talking about my ethnicity (one quarter English/one quarter white South African but originally English/half East European Jewish). I’ve lived in England my entire life and as far as I’m concerned I’m as English as this friend who was talking to me - whatever my ancestry might be.

Now, remember, this friend was (I think?) trying to be nice and reassuring (‘Don’t worry, you’ll* be okay’) - but I felt quite horrified and angry to have this said to me - am I being unreasonable?

What is Englishness? Do people think Ian Wright isn't English because despite being born in England, he is black and his parents were born in Jamaica? What confers Englishness?

Why would anyone care about basic manners towards a visitor who has just made a racist comment towards them in their own home? Surely normal manners are irrelevant at that point.

Many people would have simply asked the "friend" to leave. The OP took a more measured response and tried to gauge reactions from others before deciding how to proceed.

I would have said exactly the same about removing ILR - legally hard and politically infeasible. I didn't even imagine that Farage would go so far before the election, but he just came out with the announcement as if it was nothing.

It wouldn't surprise me in the slightest if he went down the route of removing citizenship from people in the future. Especially from those who were naturalised as adults or those who hold dual citizenship.

If you can take away indefinite leave to remain, you can take away citizenship. Our only hope is that the courts will find a way of blocking either.

But the uncertainty and stress will be untold, not to mention the money you would probably have to spend. It would be so dumb to be so complacent about anything in 2025 if you are paying any kind of attention to politics across the pond.

Those well known criminals Rosie O' Donnell and Zohran Mamdani, among others whose views he doesn't like.
www.politico.com/news/2025/07/12/trump-revoke-citizenship-rosie-odonnell-00449920

Yes. It's expensive, especially if the whole family needs paying for.

I detest racist 'bluster' and threats from both Farage and Trump and stay clear of people who defend it being used agaisnt anyone not white enough.

She was simply mirroring her friend’s bad manners.

You assume it’s that easy. Nowhere near as easy as being a citizen and costly to have to pay for a visa each time.

I am a dual national too (I acquired my second one) and same. Luckily I can keep both but the trajectory of public sentiment in the UK and I need a back up plan if things become untenable. (And I would not trust Reform not to leave me stateless.)

It’s already been done (making people stateless) and I don’t think Reform cares about “international backlash”.

That is absolutely untrue.

It doesn’t offer visa free travel to a lot of places and to repeat - why should anybody be forced to make that (in some cases financially crippling) choice?

Perhaps, if you have money to spare. Not everyone does.

And not everyone would want to spend their money on a citizenship application in any case. Particularly not if it meant having to give up the citizenship of their birth country. Many will just take their skills and wealth elsewhere.

I think "forcing" people to get citizenship is not the way. You can be home without citizenship. IRL should absolutely stay or IF they reaaaallllly want to change it, do like 10 year renewal as shortest and reasonable conditions.

I am surprised that "well forever home then get citizenship and give up the other" is coming from someone who is a fellow first gen tbh.

My birth passport is stronger than British so even visa free travel arguments wouldn't work at me if I had to lose that to gain UK one (luckily I didn't because I wouldn't) 😂

Sadly, if Reform get elected, I will have to choose to go elsewhere because I'm just not prepared to stick around to witness the shitshow that will inevitably ensue.

Anyway, you'll be welcome to it at that point. I want no part in the cesspit that you're helping to create.