To think my friend was racist, rude or both?

[RicottaOtter]

I was talking to a friend this morning. This friend is very concerned about excessive immigration to the UK, and plans to vote reform at the next general election because she believes only reform have the guts to tackle the problem properly. I was listening and not saying anything when this friend suddenly said, ‘Don’t worry - you’ll be okay, because of your husband, and you’re a mother to English children…’

I was gobsmacked at first - then realised she was talking about my ethnicity (one quarter English/one quarter white South African but originally English/half East European Jewish). I’ve lived in England my entire life and as far as I’m concerned I’m as English as this friend who was talking to me - whatever my ancestry might be.

Now, remember, this friend was (I think?) trying to be nice and reassuring (‘Don’t worry, you’ll* be okay’) - but I felt quite horrified and angry to have this said to me - am I being unreasonable?

You're the one embarrassing yourself here. Cringing for you.

Are you going to explain why that isn’t historical fact?

She said it’s a friend. Most people discuss all kinds of topics with actual friends.

So you think those who can pay should be required to buy private health insurance, and become profit fodder for the health insurance companies - JUST LIKE IN THE US. And the NHS will be what the poor are consigned to. What a lovely two-tier system you are advocating.

Yes this is exactly what happened. The op is being 'reassured' that she will be treated as equal in value to a British Citizen by reform ( ie not deported) , despite her etnicity ( their reasoning not miine), because she is married to a British Citizen, when she is in fact one in her own right.

Even if her supposed friend does not know she is British, she is making an assumption about it based on heritage and ethnicity. She basically assumed that the op did not have the same value as a Btitish Citizen but was supposedly trying to make her feel better about it

What the hell is all that if not a deeply held predjudice based on a preconceived notion of race - ie racism?

Don't forget...perhaps not all Reform supporters are racist...but all racists support Reform.
She sounds like a terrible, awful, ill-educated bigot. I wouldn't be friends with this person.

Yes. Racist, rude and completely thick and idiotic. I feel incensed you had to listen to that. Please drop her quick style

Agree. Think the racist has outed themselves 🙄

Right! Like it would have been ok to say this to the OP if she wasn’t a British citizen. You wouldn’t say ‘ooh under Reform you might risk being deported because you are Somali with leave to remain’. You just wouldn’t say it, and it’s not even true

Fox hunting is a deal breaker for you but racism isn’t? Interesting.

So awful.
I've had similar. My partner is Belgian. I was told "yeah, but he'll be alright because noone knows he's foreign until he opens his mouth".
So clearly not a problem with immigration then, just the colour of someone's skin?
Then again, if Reform or the Tories get their way then he could lose his right to remain anyway. A man who has been here for 8 years in a highly skilled and niche engineering role.
Makes me so f angry.

Yes, she’s racist and/ or ignorant. I have recently distanced myself from my in laws (both sides). FIL made a comment about “drown the f**n lot” (referring to the small boat crossings) BIL went to the “make Britain great again” march (irony is his wife is Canadian. They got married because her visa expired so she was here illegally for a time) and MIL made a post about being “proud of her son going to the march”. She has 4 mixed race grandchildren…

Think of it as the other way round. Maybe at some point you have felt judged for your ethnicity, friend comes out with her voting, because she disagrees with the amount of immigrants getting in the country. You say 'suddenly' she said the next bit. Sounds like she thought she might have offended you with the first bit, then thought crap, and starting backtracking. I don't think she is a racist, just somebody who speaks without thinking.

Speaking without thinking usually means what you say is what you actually th8nk. Don’t make excuses for racists.

Tell your friend to read 'How Migration Really Works'. There's zero need to be worried about this.

I have adhd. I often blurt things out without thinking!

Funnily enough, I don't find myself accidentally saying racist stuff. Because I'm not secretly thinking racist stuff.

The OP's friend is racist, no question.

She said she was born in England and has lived here her whole life!!!

OP, she sounds quite bonkers. I think you need to reconsider this friendship!

To be honest with you she was probably just being reassuring, I’ve seen lots of misinformed people who are 2nd generation or that are here legally and have gone through all the processes and contribute to the country, work and pay their taxes who have integrated and truly class this as their own country thinking that Reform is going to kick them out of the country which is madness.

I’m with her, I’m voting Reform at the next election and I don’t care what anyone thinks of me anymore - I’m not a racist but I want my country back.

Absolutely broke my heart to see that veteran on the tv the other day saying that all the sacrifice wasn’t worth it and this country isn’t the country he and many others fought and died for.

We need some one to get these illegals out of our country it’s taking the piss now, the derives are being stretched enough and they are being given priority. I’m sick of being treated like a second class citizen in my own country.

me and my children were made homeless due to a relationship breakdown and we have been in unsuitable temporary housing waiting for our forever home for nearly 3 years and when we were in a crackden of a hotel for 6 weeks we didn’t get 3 meals a day, we didn’t even have cooking facilities so if that doesn’t anger you then you are in wrong country.

Starmer is a useless oxygen filled flesh bag and we need him out

Oh look, a racist troll.

I would stick my neck out and say that the impulse underlying the views of that party are white supremacist. Many people have conflated immigrant/refugee with race. Reform may as well resurrect the slogan that was prevalent in the 70s - Keep Britain White. This is why so many black and brown British people experienced the recent race riots* as an attack against them.

I call them race riots despite so many commentators legitimising them by saying that people have “had enough”. Enough of what? The increasing presence of black and brown faces on TV adverts where they had been invisible before?

You have a lot in common with assylum seekers. You could say that you are an internally displaced person due to circumstances beyond your control. I am sorry about the situation you find yourself in but it will not be alleviated by blaming some wretched outsider.

Reform are not against immigration. They want illegal immigrants deported and to stop more coming in. If you come to the country the correct way and contribute to society once here then there’s nothing to worry about. They want foreign criminals deported and the right to remove dual citizenship from those who break our laws. Live here, contribute and follow our laws or leave.

Rubbish. Farage has pledged to abolish ILR. Which is legal immigration.

Do any other countries in the world have an ILR status ?

If you look it up it allows for a host of advantages if you have it. Just wondering if other countries have a similar scheme?