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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want my friends nanny on holiday with us?

333 replies

Hungryhippos123 · 15/11/2025 10:05

We are meeting in Spain in May half term- me and my kids, a friend who lives in spain with her two kids and a friend from KSA who has 2 kids (just mums and kids- all age 5-10 and get on well!).
Our friend from KSA has just told us she plans to bring her nanny/maid with her. Shes a lovely Filipino lady (I have never met her but friend raves about her) as friend wants help with the kids.
I find it really uncomfortable and dont know why or if I should say no. I get that help is nice but we will all be there and her kids arent naughty or anything just normal kids! She said her nanny can help with all the kids and cook etc which I know is her norm but I find really uncomfortable. The whole dynamic will feel different and I will feel bad that the nanny will be sleeping in an office room on a blow up bed (again friend said would be fine).
AIBU? Should I just enjoy the extra help or would it bother you?

OP posts:
thepariscrimefiles · 17/11/2025 13:52

goingoffonatangentagain · 17/11/2025 10:59

The question isn’t whether an inflatable mattress is legal. It’s whether the whole arrangement is compatible with Spanish labour and immigration law.

Under Spanish law, all workers have the following rights.

Dignity and privacy: Article 4.2 of the Estatuto de los Trabajadores recognises the right to “intimidad” and to the “consideración debida a su dignidad” in the employment relationship (see BOE-A-2015-11430 Real Decreto Legislativo 2/2015, de 23 de octubre, por el que se aprueba el texto refundido de la Ley del Estatuto de los Trabajadores.).

And breaches of dignity/privacy are classed as a very serious infraction in the sanctions law: LISOS, art. 8.11: 'Los actos del empresario que fueren contrarios al respeto de la intimidad y consideración debida a la dignidad de los trabajadores' (see BOE-A-2000-15060 Real Decreto Legislativo 5/2000, de 4 de agosto, por el que se aprueba el texto refundido de la Ley sobre Infracciones y Sanciones en el Orden Social.).

Safe and decent conditions: Domestic work in private homes is regulated by Real Decreto 1620/2011 and later reforms. The householder is obliged to ensure the work is done in appropriate conditions of safety and hygiene, and domestic workers have minimum rights to daily and weekly rest (see BOE-A-2011-17975 Real Decreto 1620/2011, de 14 de noviembre, por el que se regula la relación laboral de carácter especial del servicio del hogar familiar.).

Health & safety: Real Decreto 893/2024 specifically gives household workers the right to effective protection in health and safety, and requires a risk assessment by the employer, with fines for non-compliance (see BOE-A-2024-18182 Real Decreto 893/2024, de 10 de septiembre, por el que se regula la protección de la seguridad y la salud en el ámbito del servicio del hogar familiar.).

A nanny from the Philippines is a third-country national. Non-EU/EEA nationals need a work permit/visa to work legally in Spain; a tourist stay does not authorise work. If the nanny is in Spain on a non-work visa, caring for several families’ children, with no Spanish employment contract or Social Security registration, that is very close to undeclared work, which is treated as a serious offence with significant fines.

The concern isn’t 'mattress policing', but recognising that migrant domestic workers are legally entitled to dignity, privacy, rest and proper registration.

A set-up where a worker sleeps on a blow-up bed in a study, in a foreign country, while informally watching all the kids for multiple families, will be out of line with those protections.

Great post! Thank you.

EvelynBeatrice · 17/11/2025 13:54

goingoffonatangentagain · 17/11/2025 09:21

The references to 'things being done differently' in Saudi Arabia and the Philippines are complete red herrings.

The moment the nanny enters Spain, she becomes subject to Spanish and EU labour laws on working hours, breaks, minimum wage, and safe accommodation.

A blow-up bed in a study is not legal accommodation for an employee in Spain or most of Europe. Employment contracts require reasonable and private housing.

Putting the nanny in a non-private room compromises her right to rest and privacy, which is a legal breach.

This accommodation is objectively exploitative, regardless of the nanny's personal opinion or traditional customs.

The type of visa the nanny uses to enter Spain must be compliant with the work she is performing. If she is performing work as a private domestic employee in Spain without the correct Spanish work authorisation, the employers are employing an undocumented worker and forcing her to violate the terms of her entry.

Of course if she were to take part on the holiday as a holiday and perk of her job, that is absolutely fine - but she must be on holiday and absolutely not taking care of any children, cooking meals or helping out in any way that could be interpreted as work. (All other adults would of course be expected to pitch in domestically, but then their relationships with each other are family-based or friendship-based, not employer-employee based - the holiday isn't a perk of their job.)

In other words, if she is entering only as a travelling family member and not working, then she should not be doing any childcare.

Even if the visa were correct, if there were any expectation of one nanny to look after all the children of a multi-family group for a week, this would go far beyond the normal terms of a single domestic contract - massive scope creep that requires a new contract, clear limits, and drastically increased pay. It is exploitative to expect an exponential increase in workload without commensurate compensation and contractual change.

Denial of autonomy is not infantilising or 'saviourism'. The concern is not that the nanny should be offended, but that the power dynamic prevents her from safely expressing unhappiness or refusal, or requesting a renegotiation of her contract, especially if she relies on the employer for her visa and housing.

Simply 'paying her for that work' would be insufficient. Even if the visa permitted it, wages must meet the Spanish minimum wage with reasonable time off, minimum rest periods and maximum working hours.

The bigger point is legal risk and human rights violation, rather than personal feelings, expectations or local customs in Saudi Arabia or South Easy Asia. The OP's instincts are right. This situation raises ethical and legal red flags.

Excellent point. This woman will be illegally working in Spain unless she has the proper permits and authorisations and there is compliance with Spanish law.

Persephonegoddess · 17/11/2025 15:26

I would in your position, explain that unless the nanny was given her own room with a proper bed, I would be uncomfortable with her bringing her and not accommodating her in an appropriate way. Also I would ask what it will cost if she is to look after all kids?
both of these answers should tell you all you need to know and if she is not willing to pay or accommodate correctly, she would no longer be my friend.

Arran2024 · 17/11/2025 17:05

GiantTeddyIsTired · 17/11/2025 06:39

It's not apologist, it's realist.

I've been dropped into situations that I wasn't socially prepared for at work before, and it's embarrassing. It's even more embarrassing when someone starts making a big deal of it.

This nanny is a person, a human, she has opinions and feelings, deciding for her that she should be offended by sleeping on an airbed (how would you feel about room sharing? I shared a room with the woman above - we all room-shared, it was totally normal at the company) is infantilising, and offensive.

It's not exploitation to be employed on the normal terms for a place. Just because they are different to the terms you consider normal. Other places have other customs and laws - and you can hold opinions, but so can the people subject to them.

As I said. It's likely the nanny will be fine with it as long as you are reasonable about what is being asked, and pay her for that work (and give reasonable time off)

Edited

I think it's possible to see how in the real world inequality plays out AND not want it to be part of your holiday.

Coffeeishot · 17/11/2025 17:50

LilyTheLD77 · 17/11/2025 10:08

Blow up beds are perfectly legal in the EU.

If someone is happy to sleep on one then it's up not to you or the Spanish government to tell them they can't.

Some understanding of basic law would go a long way here

Nobody said blow up bed were illegal it seems you are being deliberately obtuse, either you think treating staff in a substandard way is acceptable or you are just "poking at posters" for a reaction, either way obtuse.

Whatsappweirdo · 17/11/2025 21:50

I’d be so uncomfortable with this.

Gair · 17/11/2025 23:46

Is your KSA friend even allowed to bring her Filipina nanny to Spain to work? In most circumstances I would have thought she would need to obtain a work visa for her employee. Or is she going to make the nanny commit visa fraud and claim to be a tourist in order to get a Schengen visa?

The blow up bed in the office is just wrong. Do not holiday with her again, your friend is treating her employee very poorly.

Usernamenotfound1 · 18/11/2025 08:59

Gair · 17/11/2025 23:46

Is your KSA friend even allowed to bring her Filipina nanny to Spain to work? In most circumstances I would have thought she would need to obtain a work visa for her employee. Or is she going to make the nanny commit visa fraud and claim to be a tourist in order to get a Schengen visa?

The blow up bed in the office is just wrong. Do not holiday with her again, your friend is treating her employee very poorly.

I believe if she’s not employed by a Spanish company, paid in Spain etc it’s legal.

For example when I travel with work I don’t normally need a work visa for that country- that would be unworkable! I can travel on a visa waiver or tourist visa, because my employment contract is with a British company and I am being paid in Britain, nothing to do with the destination. I travel, give my lecture or attend my conference, come home. I don’t need a work visa even though I am “working”.

if every academic travelling for conferences, lectures, meetings etc had to do so under a work visa and follow employment law of that country it would be impossible.

wasn’t that the issue with the Hyundai workers in the US? Some were travelling perfectly legally on Esta’s as they were there to consult and set up the factories. They were not working for a US entity.

same here, it is the norm for KSA families to bring staff for holidays. They don’t need work visas.

a work visa would give them the right to live and work in Spain. That’s not an easy thing to get, and is different to travelling for work.

obviously ianal though.

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