Parents bought sister a house

[MikeL1993]

I am the middle child between two sisters and there is 5 years between me and my older and younger sisters.

Me and my younger sister both own a three bed semi detached house, she lives with her husband and I live with my girlfriend and son who is 18 months old. The week after my son was born it was announced that my sister and her husband had bought a house. And we were all happy for them but then it turned out what had actually happened was they had approached my parents and asked them to lend them money so they could buy an old bungalow, raise it to the ground and build a new house and we were told that they would sell their current house after they have moved into this rebuilt house and then somehow pay my parents back the money they borrowed but everyone seemed vague about how that would happen.

Fast forward to now and they are almost ready to move in but the buyers of their current house have pulled out but it is not affecting any chain. Anyway we have now discovered that my parents have told them not to pay them back so with everything included have basically gifted my youngest sister half a million pounds or in that region.

Obviously this is now creating resentment for me and my older sister. It has been mentioned in passing that me and my gf are struggling for space in our house but we are having to make do until we can afford something bigger but that wont be for a number of years yet.

I think I am feeling most resentful because not only has my sister and her husband been gifted a house but when they had a big extravagant wedding back in Summer my parents paid for 90% of it whereas I am working all the hours I can and after bills and nursery fees etc I am having very little to show for it whilst my parents have given all this to my little sister and don't seem to understand why I am annoyed.

This is also not including that the money they have given my sister and her husband over the years with other stuff whereas I have basically been left to fend for myself.

Am I being unreasonable or am I justified in feeling annoyed?

I’d be hurt too. My grandmother use to play favourites between my mother and her sisters. My mother wasn’t her favourite. That favouritism extended to the grand kids too, so it always felt shitty at Christmas and birthdays.

Do you suspect this is straight favouritism or if you asked they would help ? If so I would ask.

I read this and wondered whether it's about money staying in the family. Your sister is settled with a husband. Are your family very traditional and expect you to marry and demonstrate a period of commitment to your partner before they would offer money to your family?

If it's not for this reason, they're being arses with their favouritism.

The terrible schisms that money causes. 🙈

There is only ONE way when it comes to children - treat them EXACTLY the same. When our late parents died, my need was far greater as I was on my own with a low salary whilst my sister had a rock-solid marriage and a palace of a house, and she and her husband had fab jobs, but everything was still split equally down the middle. This has meant that my relationship with my sister is not under threat, like it might be if they'd left me more and she felt it was unfair. Even stevens. It's the only way.

Sister is a sponger. Parents have a favourite.

My sister was bought her first flat and a sizeable contribution towards wedding and various smaller house furnishings. Me, 1k towards wedding and nothing else. I didn't get over it and it affected our relationship.

I do get the need for transparently fair gifting, which is why I am happy we had one child (very late). Our one will never have to share, and only one of us needs to live a few more years for DC to inherit both our estates. It's not so much money you'd never need to work, but there will be a tidy sum in our estate. I'm relatively relaxed about when I might die. DF is 92 and still doesn't require any medication at all to control his health, but his memory has mostly gone. He doesn't remember having his first family.

I'm not going to be the awkward squad. DF's second wife has been a happier better relationship than the one with our mother, who's dead now anyway. I like wife 2, and I think she is having a very tough time looking after him. However, I have two half brothers with whom I have no argument because I haven't seen them since my grandfather's funeral 20 years ago. I would love to hear any suggestions towards achieving a repair.

‘Hi parents, since you very kindly gifted our sister about half a million pounds, we (you and older sister) were wondering when we will get the same gift?’ It’s as simple as that. I would be pissed too! Good luck x

I'd just be glad not to be beholden to your parents.
You can stand on your own 2 feet.

That's something your sister will never have.plus wr all know who's looking after the parents in their old age.

I was in the ”unfair” camp until this.

Younger sister asked for help and received it.
You and older sister have not asked for help, yet somehow resent the help given.

Just ask for the help?

Oh how i would the parents to respond with

“when you and your older sister aren’t twats”

It sounds like it was never a loan, tbh. They had no intention of asking for it back. Or she had no intention of replying it. Or both.

Have you asked your parents?

Just ask. I asked mine when I was informed I had been cut out of DF's will and after my sibling had been financially supported as an adult by him for years.
He responded with he 'gets on with sibling better and [I] am fine as [I'm] independent.'
Now neither of them are in my life. And I'm better off for it.

Tbh, unless parents are MASSIVE deeks, this is almost like a blank cheque.

OP might be a nobler person and choose not to cash it, but I absolutely would.

Me too.

It's not really nobler if it bothers you, because then you're not actually doing the noble thing of taking pride in not borrowing or whatever, you're just doing the pass agg thing of not asking, not voicing your wishes, and seething because it's not happening. I do think the parents are being dickish by not noticing and pre-empting this, but people with money can be a bit blithe to what it's like for those with less (like all of us regarding an experience we've not had, I guess), and OP and his sister are adults with voices. If they're not happy, and I don't blame them, they should talk to their parents.

Don't deflect it on the sister. People often blame their parents' favouritism on the sibling but it's the parents who are responsible.

I wonder if this is coming out of her share of the inheritance? As PPs have said upthread, she wasn’t just gifted this, she asked for help. And they may have said ok keep it but we will keep you out of the will later on as you got this now. Probably better from a tax perspective too.

All this talk of inheritance makes me laugh.
Our DM has been in nursing care for several years and the hundreds of thousands left to her by DF have gone on care costs.
The £500k might well be investigated as deprivation of assets if parents do require care in the near future.
Caveat, depends on whether they have to pay as in some instances ie CHF applies.

The £500k might well be investigated as deprivation of assets if parents do require care in the near future.

you missed the other caveat. If you dispose of assets before there is a hint of care needs in the future then very hard to prove deprivation of assets.

Ask your parents when you and your older sister are going to get 500k then. I think I would if I was you.

Hope your parents live 7 more years as if not she'll be liable for inheritance tax

Jealousy is an awful look.

Blatant favouritism isn't a great look either.

Control your emotions. Each child to and parent is special in their own ways. Your time will come and they will do something for you according to your own needs... Your parents love your sister and it doesn't matter how much the two of you complain, they are not going to change their minds to upset your little sister just to make the two of you happy, instead wait for time, they will do something for you too. Otherwise you may make them bitter and when your time of need comes, they will be home blind to it because you are now questioning their love for you.

And you wouldn’t feel upset by this af all?