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Original poster

To set ground rules in terms of DH socialising with a single female friend?

174 replies

nipersvest · 14/11/2025 09:15

I'm interested to know what other couples boundaries would be on this subject. In this specific case, it's a female friend, she's single, similar age, they've vaguely known each other for many years, I don't know her at all. What would be your do's and don'ts?

To clarify, it's a friend, not a work colleague.

OP posts:
Aliflowers · 14/11/2025 09:17

Without trying to sound smart what worries you that you need to set boundaries. I trust my DH and he would know me well enough to know behaviour I would find acceptable/not acceptable around another woman without me having to state it

Ivy888 · 14/11/2025 09:17

Honestly, I think you need to ask yourself why you don’t trust your partner, because it’s clear you have trust issues.

TimeForTeaAndG · 14/11/2025 09:19

You can't give another adult rules on what they can or can't do.
Your boundaries are about what you will or won't accept in your relationship and what action you take.

Why don't you know her if she's been a friend for many years? I dont think there's any of DHs friends that I haven't met even if just the once. Why does your DH give you cause for concern to start this thread?

Gizlotsmum · 14/11/2025 09:20

Are you applying the same boundaries to his single male friends? Or do you not trust him with her?

user1492757084 · 14/11/2025 09:21

Start by asking DH to invite his old friend to something where you two can meet.
It is a bit odd that you don't know her at all but that she is a close friend.
Once you see their friendship dynamic you might not be worried at all. Trust your DH but also trust your instincts.
It's fair that you meet her.

Untailored · 14/11/2025 09:22

Yeah, you’re going about this all wrong. If you don’t trust him, why are you with him?

gannett · 14/11/2025 09:23

It wouldn't occur to me to set ground rules and I wouldn't take kindly if DP tried to set ground rules for how I socialised with my friends (in fact I would dump him if he did).

The boundary is no cheating, but that's a given - we don't need to remind each other of that.

ComtesseDeSpair · 14/11/2025 09:24

If he can’t be trusted not to try to get into other women’s pants if he doesn’t have restrictions on when or where he sees them or if he’s alone with them, then that’s a relationship issue, and one you need to reconsider the relationship over. No amount of “boundaries” are going to prevent a man who wants to cheat from doing it, it will just make him sneakier about it.

I have men friends, DH has women friends, we see them alone, we see them together. That’s the way it should be. Is he refusing to introduce her to you or allow you to also meet up with them sometimes ? That’s a problem.

gannett · 14/11/2025 09:24

I do like to meet DP's friends but not because I want to suss the female ones out as threats - I like meeting new people, he has good taste in people (after all he is dating me), the more good people in my life the better.

MrsMitford3 · 14/11/2025 09:24

has something happened to make you think you need to set boundaries?

Tbh if he is going to get up to something he is not going to suddenly stop and say "oh I can't meet because @nipersvest has set me a boundary"

He needs his own boundaries and if he doesn't have them then there is your problem

edited spag

ChangeIsDue · 14/11/2025 09:25

If you’re considering setting ‘boundaries’ of this kind, then there is already something that needs addressing.

BarbarasRhabarberba · 14/11/2025 09:28

gannett · 14/11/2025 09:23

It wouldn't occur to me to set ground rules and I wouldn't take kindly if DP tried to set ground rules for how I socialised with my friends (in fact I would dump him if he did).

The boundary is no cheating, but that's a given - we don't need to remind each other of that.

This. My friendships and how I conduct them are not up for debate, and that goes for him too.

Bradley28 · 14/11/2025 09:30

I felt like this for ages with my partner and his female friends when we first got together. Dunno why, just something I’ve had to learn to get a grip on and something that has been less of an issue for me the longer we have been together. Maybe see if you can go along for a drink with them or something? Meet her- just for half an hour, might help to set your mind at rest.
It’s also important how your partner handles this as well- he should be open to you being there as well for a bit and it not be a problem.
Hopefully then you will be able to just trust him that she is just a friend and totally harmless to you.
I’ve got male friends from college years ago & we can talk about weird stuff that we are interested in that I know my partner would just be bored by 😂

Idontjetwashthefucker · 14/11/2025 09:31

Vaguely known each other? How did they meet?

BeMellowAquaSquid · 14/11/2025 09:34

I’ve got a few single male friends that I see on and off as I play in a club sport DH has never batted an eye lid at this, similarly he’s got some female friends that he’s supported through messy break ups giving a male opinion etc and has gone for coffees. I know them so not an issue for me. Cheating is cheating my boundaries would be if they had a physical relationship outside of ours. He’s emotionally invested in his friends same as me it’s about trust and being comfortable.

PollyBell · 14/11/2025 09:35

My husband is not a child i cant ground hin or give him a curfew if i have to give him rules what on earth is the point of the relationship mind you on mn if a man sets rules for a women it is is called controlling and 'cant you see the red flags'

BlueEyedBogWitch · 14/11/2025 09:36

Don’t treat her like a girlfriend.

Simple as that, really.

Radiatelikethis · 14/11/2025 09:44

I have male friends who have been single that I meet up with, have dinner, drinks with etc and my husband is the same.

We don't have any boundaries because we trust each other and no reason to cheat.

Swiftie1878 · 14/11/2025 09:47

nipersvest · 14/11/2025 09:15

I'm interested to know what other couples boundaries would be on this subject. In this specific case, it's a female friend, she's single, similar age, they've vaguely known each other for many years, I don't know her at all. What would be your do's and don'ts?

To clarify, it's a friend, not a work colleague.

If your DH needs rules in order to safely meet a single woman, you married the wrong man.
Or more likely he married the wrong woman who doesn’t trust him?

Endofyear · 14/11/2025 09:48

I don't have any close friends that my DH doesn't know. I know all his friends too. Surely you introduce your friends to your spouse and socialise together sometimes, not always?

takealettermsjones · 14/11/2025 09:52

It's an interesting question... My "ground rules" would be exactly the same as the ground rules for the our marriage as a whole, i.e. that he vowed to honour and respect me, forsaking all others. If he were to do something that showed disrespect to me then that would be an issue. I would assume my husband knows this though, so I wouldn't need to say it to him. Does your DH have form for misstepping/disrespecting you?

Stompythedinosaur · 14/11/2025 09:52

It's weird that you want to set rules for your partner as if he's a child.

brunettemic · 14/11/2025 09:55

Is this to make sure he’s home for his bedtime? Why does he need boundaries?

I’ve been accused of trying to be “cool” before but DH has a female friend he’s close with, he’s known her longer than me. I have no issues with it and it’s no different to if he’s seeing a male friend.

Swissmeringue · 14/11/2025 09:55

I wouldn't have any. I trust my husband.

I'd also be offended if he tried to set any ground rules about me hanging out with my male friends.

Shoxfordian · 14/11/2025 09:55

Don't you trust him? Why do you need rules? He's not a kid