DHs comments about DDs boyfriend are really pissing me off

[LeFosters]

DD is 24, she’s been with her new boyfriend for a year and he’s genuinely just a lovely lad, he’s successful, he clearly adores DD and I’ve never heard DD talk so positively about someone she’s with, he’s totally different to the type of guy she dated before and I think it’s for the best.

We have two family group chats, one without our kids partners which is definitely the more used one, then one with, It was made as a way to share plans if everyone was going and to wish their partners happy birthday etc. DD added her boyfriend about a month and a half ago and since then all I’ve had are the most ridiculous comments from DH.

The latest being this morning DD and her boyfriend sent some videos last night into the group chat of them doing karaoke last night, nothing weird. DH declared “god he’s a bit gay isn’t he”, he also calls him boring (the poor lad just enjoys a fun fact and plays chess), constantly states DD could do better. He’s spent the last hour mocking their karaoke song choices (which aren’t even weird).

DH was never like this with DS1 or DS2 partners or with DDs last boyfriend. We are hosting everyone at Christmas this year and I’m absolutely dreading it as I just know DH won’t be able to help himself from making unnecessary comments.

AIBU to be annoyed by this from him?

As someone who's son is gay and was called a "faggot" the other day in the street in the middle of the day by two teenage boys this has deeply upset me. Why is this homophobic slur being normalised in your relationship OP? Oh so you don't like it? Big deal when your DH thinks it's ok to use gay as an insult.

Yes, I thought that a bit strange to not want you daughter to be cherished as much as possible, I mean would he rather aloof and moody!

@Bruisername

I mean I find the whole filming yourself doing karaoke and then sharing it with people quite cringe and attention seeking. Did she share this kind of thing before with previous boyfriends?

Necessary?

It's not particulary unusual nowadays especially their generation. They didn't share it with 'people' they shared it with family.

My son is also gay. On the odd, albeit not very nice, occasion somebody passes a slur like this, his response is "actually the correct term is 'queer' darling, get it right!" And I honestly love him so much for it.

Is it that cringe on a family WhatsApp group- we put loads of stuff in ours that we wouldn't be so bold about on other WhatsApp chats as it's just the four of us!

And thank goodness if it were the case!

If your husband is interested in losing his relationship with his daughter, then he's doing all the right things. If that isn't his goal, maybe he should grow the fuck up. Ridiculous man.

I think he is already there on ridiculous. It's definitely envy and jealousy that the DD's BF is a better person than he is.

Well Charles Leclerc just got engaged so I imagine he was pretty in love with his girlfriend too.
Your dh is just an insecure knucklehead isn’t he?

I am afraid your Neanderthal husband needs to get over his insecurities and homophobia. Yuk.

Exactly!

Is Charles Leclerc considered the height of straight manliness to other straight men?

TBH I didn't know who he was and had to Google him

t's kind of disgusting that your DH thinks someone loving your DD a lot is some kind of weakness.

Good point. Yikes.

Well DS2 just pointed out Charles Leclerc plays chess!
So I’m guessing DH is both a little bit stupid and chose him as he’s attractive I guess?

Or because he fancies him 🤣

So does your DH think he is not good looking enough?

If these comments are mainly made to you, it could be insecurity from your DH about your own relationship? He could interpret a comment (or your vibe of general approval) from you e.g. "I'm so pleased DD has found a good match" as "He's better at being a boyfriend than you are at being a husband". Without considering that you may want different qualities in your partner than you do for your DD.

guy who is that in love with his girlfriend is usually a sign the girlfriend could do better.

He's actually so stupid. Jesus, perhaps you could do better? Embarrassing af.

I cannot believe that people are justifying this dickhead….

'he said he didn’t know, but a guy who is that in love with his girlfriend is usually a sign the girlfriend could do better.'

Erm... does that not make you ask yourself some questions on what he thinks about your own relationship??

I had to look CL up so he's F1 racer but to be fair your DH is making lots of assumptions there maybe the F1 racer doesn't live up to any of the stereotypes in his personal life.

Have you told him he has given you the "ick" by acting like an immature azzhat?
Inform him that you only have intimacy with men, not little boys.

As a young lawyer from a well to do family is he likely to be more ‘successful’ than your DH?

Does he feel threatened and insecure?

Anyway I would have a direct and firm conversation with him about it as suggested in the first reply.

Maybe ask him to think about whether it is thinking about his Dd making a family with another man, or he feels threatened by a successful male, or simply doesn’t gel with him , but that whatever it is if he carries on he will drive your Dd away, cause tension and upset in the family and spoil occasions do he needs to bloody well get a grip and think on.

Id tell your husband that he was acting like such a cliché becoming weirdly critical of your daughters partner. That it made him look like an insecure bully, and that you dont find it in the least bit funny. He needs to pack it in and maybe reflect on why he feels so threatened by a guy that clearly adores his daughter and actually could be a decent partner long term. Wtf is it he even wants for her?
How the fuck is a man going on a date with a woman 'gay'?
Hes a moron. Id have no qualms about telling him that.

It’s because he’s a middle class younger bloke who is intelligent. Sometimes working class / trade blokes feel inadequate when compared to them and the classic way to tear the middle class man down is to imply they’re effeminate or gay and not like ‘normal men’. Tale as old as time.