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AIBU?

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Original poster

DHs comments about DDs boyfriend are really pissing me off

246 replies

LeFosters · 14/11/2025 06:04

DD is 24, she’s been with her new boyfriend for a year and he’s genuinely just a lovely lad, he’s successful, he clearly adores DD and I’ve never heard DD talk so positively about someone she’s with, he’s totally different to the type of guy she dated before and I think it’s for the best.

We have two family group chats, one without our kids partners which is definitely the more used one, then one with, It was made as a way to share plans if everyone was going and to wish their partners happy birthday etc. DD added her boyfriend about a month and a half ago and since then all I’ve had are the most ridiculous comments from DH.

The latest being this morning DD and her boyfriend sent some videos last night into the group chat of them doing karaoke last night, nothing weird. DH declared “god he’s a bit gay isn’t he”, he also calls him boring (the poor lad just enjoys a fun fact and plays chess), constantly states DD could do better. He’s spent the last hour mocking their karaoke song choices (which aren’t even weird).

DH was never like this with DS1 or DS2 partners or with DDs last boyfriend. We are hosting everyone at Christmas this year and I’m absolutely dreading it as I just know DH won’t be able to help himself from making unnecessary comments.

AIBU to be annoyed by this from him?

OP posts:
pinkdelight · 14/11/2025 08:56

LeFosters · 14/11/2025 08:51

I asked why he said the “he is a bit gay” comment and he said he just thought karaoke with your girlfriend is a bit of a gay thing to do?? I pointed out karaoke isn’t a sexuality indicator.
I asked why he thought DD could do better and his exact reply was “well he’s not Charles Leclerc is he?”, I pointed out that was a stupid reply and he said he didn’t know, but a guy who is that in love with his girlfriend is usually a sign the girlfriend could do better.
He’s had to go to work now but he agreed to talk about it more tonight.

Ugh, what repugnant attitudes. He's really showing himself up here. Sounds like you could have done a lot better. The bf sounds lovely and it's kind of disgusting that your DH thinks someone loving your DD a lot is some kind of weakness.

user1492757084 · 14/11/2025 08:58

You'll have to ban DH from Christmas.
Be sure to make Karaoke a game on Christmas Day!

It would be very cruel for your DD or her boyfriend to hear those terrible and unjust comments; they could stick in their memory and undermine your DH's relationship with his DD..

Delete any written nasties off the chat sites too.

researchers3 · 14/11/2025 08:58

LeFosters · 14/11/2025 08:51

I asked why he said the “he is a bit gay” comment and he said he just thought karaoke with your girlfriend is a bit of a gay thing to do?? I pointed out karaoke isn’t a sexuality indicator.
I asked why he thought DD could do better and his exact reply was “well he’s not Charles Leclerc is he?”, I pointed out that was a stupid reply and he said he didn’t know, but a guy who is that in love with his girlfriend is usually a sign the girlfriend could do better.
He’s had to go to work now but he agreed to talk about it more tonight.

What a bizarre comment about 'doing better'.

I really don't know why you're tolerating this behaviour and tiptoeing around his knuckle dragging bullshit. This is awful role modelling for your other kids.

Tell him to completely stop it - and mean it, fgs!

ErlingHaalandsManBun · 14/11/2025 08:59

Your DH is acting like a bellend.

So your DD has a guy who clearly adores her, treats her well, is good looking, intelligent, comes from a nice family and makes her happy yet your DH thinks she could do better? How exactly?

His comments definitely smack of jealousy and this guy obviously makes your DH feel insecure about himself. But his comments are unacceptable and he needs to wind his neck in and control his thoughts and feelings around him. If this guy is 'the one' then she is choosing him first and your DH will push her away.

You need to be strong enough to have her/their back against him if he comes out with bullshit comments around them.

Thundertoast · 14/11/2025 09:00

How do you feel about him making that homophobic comment, OP?

78e22387FFGH · 14/11/2025 09:01

I don’t know if DH maybe feels insecure as this guy is definitely more intelligent than he is.

You've nailed it.

Thundertoast · 14/11/2025 09:02

Juat read back through the replies where you've said he's more intelligent than your DH, yep that explains it. I grew up working class and the amount of people who had a massive chip on their shoulder about anyone more intelligent than them was astonishing, and it was really common for intelligence to be seen as 'a bit gay' for men. Jealousy and insecurity.

Pipsquiggle · 14/11/2025 09:03

I have read your comments @LeFosters and it seems to me that your DH has a huge chip on his shoulder about the 'intelligence' of this man - let's face it, in terms of careers medicine / law are up there in terms of requirement of high exam grades.

I also feel that he is uncomfortable with your DD choosing someone that might have different tastes / hobbies to him.

Your DH needs to be focusing on the shared values he has with this man.
He sounds like a decent, dependable man who loves your DD. He sounds that he is helping her live her best life. He is adding to her life rather than taking.

You are doing the right thing in pointing out these 'bants' are hurtful and DD's BF will be aware of them.

Your DH needs to grow up

MyAcornWood · 14/11/2025 09:04

LeFosters · 14/11/2025 08:51

I asked why he said the “he is a bit gay” comment and he said he just thought karaoke with your girlfriend is a bit of a gay thing to do?? I pointed out karaoke isn’t a sexuality indicator.
I asked why he thought DD could do better and his exact reply was “well he’s not Charles Leclerc is he?”, I pointed out that was a stupid reply and he said he didn’t know, but a guy who is that in love with his girlfriend is usually a sign the girlfriend could do better.
He’s had to go to work now but he agreed to talk about it more tonight.

This is all so weird. I’ve never heard of a parent being put off a child’s partner because they’re too in love with said child?! Surely that’s good, we all want everyone to love our kids as much as we do (well, within reason 😂). As for the Charles Leclerc comment, how fucking bizarre. Yes CL is a good looking bloke but your husband choosing to use a ‘yardstick’ from f1 while judging his daughters boyfriend on his physical attractiveness for being ‘a bit gay’… make it make sense!
He is being a massive twat and clutching at straws to judge this guy based on the fact he is feeling insecure. I wouldn’t usually say that but you say he has history of being insecure about his intelligence and the boyfriend is clearly very clever, so your husband is picking on whatever he can to put him down.

PictureParfait · 14/11/2025 09:04

Thundertoast · 14/11/2025 09:02

Juat read back through the replies where you've said he's more intelligent than your DH, yep that explains it. I grew up working class and the amount of people who had a massive chip on their shoulder about anyone more intelligent than them was astonishing, and it was really common for intelligence to be seen as 'a bit gay' for men. Jealousy and insecurity.

Agreed. Especially as your DD's BF is now threatening your DH's place as the most important man in her world. Your DH is acting like a git. I'm not sure how you address it with him without pointing out his obvious insecurity.

ThePoetsWife · 14/11/2025 09:05

LeFosters · 14/11/2025 08:51

I asked why he said the “he is a bit gay” comment and he said he just thought karaoke with your girlfriend is a bit of a gay thing to do?? I pointed out karaoke isn’t a sexuality indicator.
I asked why he thought DD could do better and his exact reply was “well he’s not Charles Leclerc is he?”, I pointed out that was a stupid reply and he said he didn’t know, but a guy who is that in love with his girlfriend is usually a sign the girlfriend could do better.
He’s had to go to work now but he agreed to talk about it more tonight.

I hope you also said using the word gay as a slur is NOT on.

1dayatatime · 14/11/2025 09:06

LeFosters · 14/11/2025 06:28

I really don’t understand it, DH is hardly the epitome of a “bloke”, and he actually has more in common with this boyfriend than he did with the last one (both massive F1 fans and football fans, last boyfriend was a rugby lad that DH had almost nothing in common with), I can’t actually figure out why he dislikes him so much!

Oh I can figure out how your DH is thinking. Basically he knows that your DD boyfriend is a much better version of himself or the type of person that your DH would aspire to be.

So I think the nobby comments are born out of jealousy and envy and not out of any genuine dislike for the guy. You need to explain to him that it's a genuinely good (and sadly rare) thing that his daughter has found a decent boyfriend and he should be very happy.

What would he prefer- that she was dating someone dodgy or unsuitable?

Sparkletastic · 14/11/2025 09:10

Tell DH his insecurity is showing and it’s not a good look.

Ivy888 · 14/11/2025 09:11

Sorry op, your husband is being rude, insulting, discriminatory and obnoxious.
You need to sit him down and ask him what the hell his problem is and tell him this nonsense has to stop NOW.
Personally, I would tell him he needs to spend Christmas somewhere else unless he changes his tune. I would not put up with those type of remarks and do not want to walk on eggshells fearing which stupid remarks he’s going to say while everyone is together. His behaviour is a recipe for making sure you’re not welcome at your daughter’s wedding.
what an absolute asshole he is.

duckydoo234 · 14/11/2025 09:11

He doesn't think it's right that a man should be so in love with his girlfriend. He thinks this because it's the woman's job to do all the loving and caring, and the man's job to take the woman for granted and not show any signs of caring for her. What a dick. Is this how he treated/treats you, OP?

GehenSieweiter · 14/11/2025 09:12

Ended up posting on wrong thread.....sorry.......commeng deleted.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 14/11/2025 09:13

"a guy who is that in love with his girlfriend is usually a sign the girlfriend could do better."

Wtaf. Does he really want your daughter to go out with someone who isn't that into her, because it would show she was 'punching'?!

Original poster
LeFosters · 14/11/2025 09:14

GehenSieweiter · 14/11/2025 09:12

Ended up posting on wrong thread.....sorry.......commeng deleted.

Edited

Wrong post?

OP posts:
Original poster
LeFosters · 14/11/2025 09:14

GehenSieweiter · 14/11/2025 09:12

Ended up posting on wrong thread.....sorry.......commeng deleted.

Edited

Sorry we cross posted!

OP posts:
gannett · 14/11/2025 09:16

LeFosters · 14/11/2025 08:51

I asked why he said the “he is a bit gay” comment and he said he just thought karaoke with your girlfriend is a bit of a gay thing to do?? I pointed out karaoke isn’t a sexuality indicator.
I asked why he thought DD could do better and his exact reply was “well he’s not Charles Leclerc is he?”, I pointed out that was a stupid reply and he said he didn’t know, but a guy who is that in love with his girlfriend is usually a sign the girlfriend could do better.
He’s had to go to work now but he agreed to talk about it more tonight.

I can't believe he doubled down on the gay comment?? In 2025???

Nothing he said makes the slightest sense. A man doing any activity with his girlfriend is not doing "a gay thing" on account of the GIRLfriend. It can be as stereotypically feminine as you can think of - his sexuality is indicated by the fact that he has a girlfriend, not that he's at a musical or nail salon or, in fact, karaoke. By the same token when my gay friend and his boyfriend go to a football match they are in fact doing "a gay thing" (ie, a date between two gay men) even though football is coded as heterosexual.

On top of that karaoke isn't even particularly seen as feminine/gay stereotypically? The last time I did it was on a (straight male) friend's stag do (which also had women, and gay men, there, as well as straight men). It's pretty inclusive as an activity. (The only thing I agree with your husband about is that their karaoke picks were bad songs.)

I can't even work out what he meant with the Charles Leclerc/loving her too much nonsense.

AnnaMagnani · 14/11/2025 09:17

Would he be able to explain what 'doing better' looks like? Especially as she has a secure relationship with a man who has a steady job, with prospects for higher income and they share common interests.

I mean this is the absolute basis for a good long-term relationship.

usedtobeaylis · 14/11/2025 09:19

He's being ridiculous and sounds jealous. He clearly hasn't grasped that by mocking the boyfriend he's also mocking his own daughter's choices. I'd tell him to fuck off and that I don't want to hear another word about it. If your daughter gets wind of this it'll be a bad day.

Aimtodobetter · 14/11/2025 09:19

My guess would be the whole intelligence thing you mention - I’m always amazed how much men can turn illogical or childish when they fear someone might be smarter than them.

SunnyDolly · 14/11/2025 09:21

LeFosters · 14/11/2025 08:51

I asked why he said the “he is a bit gay” comment and he said he just thought karaoke with your girlfriend is a bit of a gay thing to do?? I pointed out karaoke isn’t a sexuality indicator.
I asked why he thought DD could do better and his exact reply was “well he’s not Charles Leclerc is he?”, I pointed out that was a stupid reply and he said he didn’t know, but a guy who is that in love with his girlfriend is usually a sign the girlfriend could do better.
He’s had to go to work now but he agreed to talk about it more tonight.

It’s really just quite distressing to read that he feels because he’s so in love with her, he’s not right for her. What does he want, someone who treats her like shit?? This is not a man who appears to want the best for his daughter!! Also - it’s got jack shit to do with him!! She’s 24 and can do as she likes. The ‘gay’ comment is disgusting too.

wizzywig · 14/11/2025 09:22

Aaah hes feeling threatened by him. Someone that is different to him is besotted with your daughter and it could be mutual. Sortmof similar to when some mums feel usurped by the daughter in law.