To think if you earn this, it doesn’t matter your circumstances, you’re still bloody privileged?!

[Herefo1]

My sister takes home 4,200 a month. She gets a tiny bit of maintenance (250) and has her DD full time.

I know her income as I helped her with her tax return for CB (and to be fair her income may be even more now!).

All me and my parents ever hear is how hard things are financially. She won’t ever buy coffees if we are out or get the kids a lolly or pitch in for something. Birthdays and Christmases are a really basic gift with the apology that it’s ’hard on her own.’

I could never admit this in real life to anyone as I’m really close to her but I honestly feel like this takes the piss. She feels her earning potential is hampered now but on this take home pay in your thirties, regardless of having DD..surely IANBU to think this is privileged and she should stop being so mean spirited?

Those on minimum wage also work for their money.

Agree with this. I think this is what is annoying the OP is the disparity and feeling like she is expected to pick up the bill all the time (which isn't fair)

My husbands take home pay is more than this, we don’t ever really have anything spare at the end of the month. No car on finance, no fancy holidays. Our rent is exorbitant, constant outgoings on our rental property, trying to save for a house to live in, crazy food prices. I don’t work as we can’t find childcare for our youngest so only the odd bit of work in the evenings. Life is just expensive! If we go somewhere I generally pack my own drinks and food from home- healthier and cheaper. I certainly wouldn’t be buying expensive coffees and sugary lollies.

Really? Bills alone for me are 600 a month so a solo person should comfortably manage on 400ish quid a month for everything else, clothes, entertainment, socialising and any emergency housing costs?

No, it’s about 1700 take home I think. Except they will get child benefit and she won’t. Plus there will be a universal credit entitlement. Additionally, childcare paid for.
Plus I’m guessing she might have a student loan to pay each month which will be about 300.
So the poster isn’t as far off as it might seem.

As someone who has been a single parent, on the face of it I'd say that sounds enough month to month. Even after I've accounted for my differing mortgage payment than your sister, she has approx double what I am left with and I have 2 DC, no maintenance, no childcare costs though.

It may depend on home running costs, childcare, car costs, travel to work costs (is she funding a train season ticket?) etc etc. Is the £4200 after pension contributions and student loan? Or is she carefully saving in case of redundancy, illness, for her DD's future etc? It's a lot to feel the future of your DC and the household rests entirely on you.

Maybe you could suggest you help her look through her outgoings or point her in the direction of Money Saving Expert. You can put outgoings into a budget calculator and post on the forum and people will help you see where your budget isn't working (eg sometimes people put in zero for gifts or haircuts or clothes which is clearly not going to be the case) or suggest things that look high and you could save.

I think it's perfectly ok to not buy people expensive gifts - I think the whole gift giving thing is a bit daft anyway - you rarely get anything you needed or want so if you are on a tight budget it's not really of value to you. But she should not be sponging coffee all the time - if she can't afford it she should bow out. But here's the thing if you are out with your mum, she might see her mum in a slightly different light - she might think her mum is happy to treat her and subsidize her spends but I think expecting her sister to do likewise is cheeky. She sounds a bit tight with her money but you're her sister, you grew up with her, I'm sure you know already what her money attitudes are.
We had (divorced now) a bil who never put his hand in his pocket, always there for the first round of drinks when other people were paying - never wanted or bought a second...he complained of poverty all the time - when they got divorced sil discovered he had saved £250k. He was a tight fisted little bastard.

No, but I do hate it when people say my treat, I’ll get these etc. how are you supposed to refuse them without going into a whole monologue about how you can’t reciprocate because finances are tight etc

Comparing her to you is not fair - what you don't see as a couple is the hidden 'single tax' which applies to virtually everything!

Depends on circumstances. For a single mother with one child, it does sound comfortable but then if she lives in Greater London or somewhere else expensive like Oxfordshire, she’s probably not comfortable at all. I guess context is everything, she might be paying 1.5k in mortgage or 2.5k in rent for all we know in which case it isn’t a lot.

To be fair you have said you only work part time. That may be due to health issues but if so, are you applying for PIP or DLA? A solo person without health issues would be expected to work full time, which even on NMW would be more than you bring in.

Yeah agree this is hard. I have had to be really firm with some people in saying no thank you I'd prefer that you didn't get these. But given this is family I feel the Ops sister should either be paying her way but certainly shouldn't be expecting her sis to pay for treats out. I don't expect my married friends on higher incomes to pay more than me when we go out for dinner or to be subsidised in any way because I'm single.

There is a key difference that a two parent household also has two people’s spare time to put into things like fixing stuff, cleaning/cookonf, being able to let the other parent go for a walk by themselves for 30 minutes, childcare, etc and more resilience if things go wrong. As a single parent there are a lot of ways she may need to compensate by paying someone as she doesn’t have a partner to do things.

I suppose it depends massively on her outgoings. As a single mum with one child who has 2k less than your sister each month, I would certainly feel very comfortable if I had the same wage as her. I wouldn’t describe myself as struggling at all although admittedly I benefit from having a landlord who has only put my rent up once in the 10 years I’ve lived in my house. My rent is now well below the average price for my area. I also have no childcare costs due to the age of my child. What I will say though is that when you’re on your own, there is a lot of pressure in knowing it’s all on you. Your sister will be feeling that and will probably be very conscious that if she runs out of money or the shit hits the fan, there’s no one to pick up the flack. Priorities come into it too. I’m making ends meet and saving a little, me and my child have days out and the occasional treat but he’s never been on a holiday abroad, we don’t have a fancy car etc. If I earnt more, I’d absolutely want to give him more so I can see how extra money would get eaten up fast.

I earn just over 4k a month, and no I don’t consider myself privileged. I’m a single household income, 3 kids, almost all grown up now and live in the South East. Rent for my flat is £1400 and I’m having to wait until youngest leaves school to relocate up north to afford to buy a house. I’ll be working until 67 min. I worked hard to get a decent salary, but its one income and a lot of pressure doing it on one salary. Not sure where privilege comes in.

I earn more than that, I’m not privileged. £4,200 a month is in the £50-60k bracket. It’s not a life changing amount of money especially if you’re running a household.

Yes she could - but maybe the OP wants to save and put that money into the future to make her life easier too? I think its just basic courtesy, if you aren't doing badly, just pay your way and don't expect other people to finance your life. Its fine being prepped for the future, but you can't do that off the back of other people paying for your present?! And at over 4K a month (whilst yes think everyone agrees money goes less far these days), you can buy the coffees once in a while surely?!

exactly this! I made a list of all my outgoings and assuming i still made the same mortgage contribution and paid for my own car expenses, I reckon it costs me at least £300 a month more to live on my own than if i lived with a partner.

Much of the overhead expense is the same however many people live in the house. The insurance, the Utility standing charges, she pays 75% of CT one one income, she needs to build up savings because she doesn’t have a partners salary coming in if she gets ill or loses her job.

Being on your own makes you feel more vulnerable and cautious about money.

You have said her mortgage is about £900, maybe she has debts also?

Does she have childcare to pay?

It does sound like she has a fair amount available after mortgage and bills each month. But some people just always worry about money. My sister is like this also, always says things are too expensive. Doesn't want to spend too much money. Complains if for a special occasion we pick a restaurant where a main is more than she would like to pay. Has a very low Christmas present budget etc. Yet, mortgage was about £300 a month, have both hers and husband incomes, no children. Recently they have paid off their mortgage and now saving for a second holiday home!

Your sister sounds careful with money. Probably has a lot of savings! Maybe don't pay for her coffee etc anymore. Just say we're all struggling and let her decide if she wants to open her purse or not.

Well it was always said that two can live as cheaply as one. Perhaps she has large outgoings and worries about being the sole breadwinner for her household.

See in that case I would always politely decline if I knew I could never return the favour. Like at work, often one person will offer to go and buy coffees , I never accept because I couldn't afford to do a whole round in costa.

£4,200 a month would just about cover the mortgage on our very modest house, full time childcare and bills. Running a home costs more or less the same regardless of whether you've got one adult or two adults living there. So her expenses won't be hugely different to yours. In fact if she's a single mum she hasn't got someone to tag team childcare with so they may well be higher.

It depends on what her priorities are. I never buy coffees or treats out as I just don't think they're worth it and I can more than afford it, I just can't justify £4 on a cup of tea when I can take a flask from home for instance. I will spend money on what I like to do (theatre, sports etc - but would never buy food/drink at the venues as I feel it's a rip off). It's all about what you want to spend your money on, if you want to spend on lollies and coffees as you enjoy that, all good and if she doesn't, also fine. It's doesn't mean someone is tight or being stingey, just that they have different priorities which is fine. Obviously, if she's accepting you buying them and never returning that's an issue.
Her outgoings won't be half yours because she's on her own, probably more like at least 3/4 so you will most likely be in a better financial position. She also won't have anyone to rely on or help if things go wrong (loses job etc) so it makes sense that she may try and save more or be more cautious.

She still has to pay a mortgage, utilities, council tax etc which are most people's biggest outgoings. An extra adult makes no difference to the cost of these things. Granted she might have a slightly smaller house with just one kid but it's not like her bills are gonna be half what yours are because she's got half the number of people....