To think if you earn this, it doesn’t matter your circumstances, you’re still bloody privileged?!

[Herefo1]

My sister takes home 4,200 a month. She gets a tiny bit of maintenance (250) and has her DD full time.

I know her income as I helped her with her tax return for CB (and to be fair her income may be even more now!).

All me and my parents ever hear is how hard things are financially. She won’t ever buy coffees if we are out or get the kids a lolly or pitch in for something. Birthdays and Christmases are a really basic gift with the apology that it’s ’hard on her own.’

I could never admit this in real life to anyone as I’m really close to her but I honestly feel like this takes the piss. She feels her earning potential is hampered now but on this take home pay in your thirties, regardless of having DD..surely IANBU to think this is privileged and she should stop being so mean spirited?

I don't suppose her outgoings are half yours simply because there's only one parent and one child. Bills will still be the same - housing, utilities, council tax etc. I earn well, but there is only one income supporting our family. My mortgage and bills would be the same if I had a husband living with me but I'd have more income!

Lots of people have touched on what that means through buying power, so I won't rehash that. I will say that what my parents and friends who coupled up early never seem to understand is the fear and stress that comes with being the only provider in a household.

If my mum lost her job, there is still money coming in, the absolute essentials can be paid for, it buys time. If I lose my job, then next month there is no money-nothing.

People talk about having savings of three months as an emergency fund to tide you over should things go wrong. It's bollocks, for many jobs over £50k that is the length of the recruitment process. You actually need more like 6 months in savings. I heard somewhere recently that for every £10k you earn add a month to the time for a job search.

Id much rather bung £10 into savings than buy a round of coffees. You buy staff to treat people, not for them to reciprocate, stop buying coffee if it means that much to you. But I think you lack empathy and understanding.

Of course it depends on outgoings. How is she privileged as a single parent? Being a single parent is bloody hard work. She will have to pay for babysitters any time she wants to do anything without her child unlike you who can pop out and leave your dh in charge. She will have to do all household chores, maintenance, bills etc not 50% as you and your dh do. This means she may have to pay for extra help like cleaning or pay for DIY jobs that you and your husband manage yourselves. She has and will always have (unless she remarries) a single income to pay for everything. If she gets ill there is no second income or person to fall back on. Many things like food and holidays are priced for couples and as a single person you pay more than half of what a couple would pay. Also, as a single mum she will be treated by society as having less status than someone married. - You sound a horrible, entitled and unsupportive sister to be honest going on about how she won't buy coffees or expensive gifts.

Mortgage and bills will be similar no matter if it is a two person or four person household. Your post is so mean. Sounds like you are jealous of her income.

She sounds sensible not wasting money on coffee etc when out.

I earn about that and I think I need to be more careful with money than if I were with someone. It's about the safety net. Sure, in this phase of my life I could spend more than I do, but I have to very seriously consider the future as I have only myself and what I can save now. There's no second income or chance my partner could earn more, it's just me - and while I love my job and am good at it my earning potential will only go so much further.

So teenager costs, uni fees, retirement, pension, housing etc - all that is my worry. And so, yeah, it is tough and I don't buy too many lollies either.

Presumably you actually like your sister?

I wouldn't even THINK about my sister in this way let alone shove something on a forum so ask for other people to judge her. It's so disloyal.

How much will she have spent on nursery fees the past few years? All by herself by the sounds of it, on top of a mortgage?

I'm usually first to roll my eyes at these "poor high earners" threads but if shes on her own she will have to outsource a lot, childcare, cleaner, any home maintenance etc. I'm sure she isn't on the breadline but could well feel her outgoings are very high.

That's take-home pay, you say?

There are plenty of people with far less who can manage to buy their friend a coffee.

Unless you are much richer, just stop buying for her. If necessary, stop going to such expensive places that are beyond her means.

I think you may have derailed your own thread op by using the word privileged.
I voted Yanbu because she's on a decent enough salary not to be a cf and get a round in.

My nephew's London rent is £4k per month. YAB massively U.

Is that reflected in mortage, water, gas, leccy....

I am a single parent and I earn a similar amount. The worry of being the only person bringing in money for the whole family is very real. You sound jealous and sniping. Your Sister isn't privileged, she works hard for her money with no support. You're nasty.

But when you get a round of treats for her, family of two, the extra costs are only half of your own family’s cost, so not that much more than usual. If she does that for your family she’s paying three times what she normally would. Also with gifts- she’s buying gifts for four of you, you’re buying gifts for two of them. Are you spending double what she does on presents? I’m in a similar position, more kids than other family members, and while nit picking over costs is not in the spirit of giving a gift, I feel bad about how much they have to spend just to buy a ‘basic’ gift for each of mine, and tend to buy more expensive stuff in return, also would say, really, no obligation to buy gifts, I know it’s expensive.

YABU - She is one person, everything falls on her. Perhaps she is putting money way into a pension or for a repair fund for her house. Perhaps she is trying to pay off her mortgage earlier so that she at least has security in the roof over her head or so that she has a buffer should she ever become unemployed or unable to work for a period due to illness or disability. You have a buffer if anything happens to you, and you clearly underestimate that security. It takes a good few years to have any level of security as a single person. Lets face it £250 maintenance is not go to keep her afloat - its not even half the cost of raising a child!

Either way it is her money to do with as she wants.

Why do you expect to be subsidised for the choices you have made. What is stopping you from retraining to get a better paid job or a second job?

Had this same issue with a friend who never reciprocated. Easily solved by me saying I had a small budget for outings so would just be paying for my own snacks / drinks. Expecting others to continually pick up the tab, regardless of the amount, is incredibly rude.

Then you have just answered your question! If you don’t spend more than that on your two, then the only difference in outgoings in the extra food costs for an additional adult in your household, but your income is more than hers by what, £900? £650 after maintenance? So you will have similar outgoings on a higher income, plus she doesn’t have another adult to share the burden with.

Her household income is not too much different from mine as a single parent and while I don't feel poor, I do have to be careful. I don't do things like eating out for example. There is no way I would buy a takeaway coffee for myself. I do have more than one child, but I'm older than your sister, so bought my house when they were cheaper, so I expect my mortgage is lower than hers (or rent if she rents). So probably my outgoings aren't too dissimilar overall.

And even if you have a good income, as a single parent you always feel a bit insecure. I am not happy unless I can put a chunk of money away into a savings account because I'm very aware that if I lost my job the shit would hit the fan a lot quicker than it would in a 2 parent family. Single parents also pay more tax as a proportion of household income than a household with 2 working parents does.

Has she always earned the amount she earns or is it fairly recent? I have been a single parent for over a decade and a lot of my family would look at my salary now and wonder why it might not be enough and it generally is. However, I work hard to make sure that I never go back to when I had no savings, struggled to pay the bills and lived from payday to payday. When you are the only earner there is no back up plan and she may not want to risk the financial security she has built by changing her lifestyle too much from what it was.

I think you've got a bit of a cheek moaning about your sister's privilege when you're earning over £5k a month. All of your household expenses are shared and you have no idea what her outgoings are. I have to wonder what this is really about.

She has 87% of your income. If you buy the coffees/lollies, it costs you 50% extra. If she buys the coffees, it costs her 200% extra.

Hi OP, I don't think you are being unreasonable and it sounds like a lot of money, but with a mortgage etc and COL I don't think money goes half as far as it did. I'm single no kids though and own my smallish house outright. Average salary 35K and being solo and paying all bills is a lot mentally more than anything and money doesn't go very far. I haven't had a hol this year for example and am paying off some credit card debt. But I choose what to spend or splurge on. She is making choices (not buying coffee, socialising) and instead putting that money elsewhere or saving. I wouldn't expect her to treat everyone because she earns more but she should be paying her way just to be a reasonable human being and maintain relationships. It is all relative though, I have know someone that pleads poverty is on over 100K a year but has a second house that they rent out too. So I suppose it doesn't matter you earn it always gets spent!

It is actually not less than that.
minimum wage is 12.21 an hour, full time is usually around 37.5hrs (average).
So two adults working full time on minimum wage would take home less than £4200.

No dependents and no mortgage? Of course you can manage on that. Hardly the same is it?