To think if you earn this, it doesn’t matter your circumstances, you’re still bloody privileged?!

[Herefo1]

My sister takes home 4,200 a month. She gets a tiny bit of maintenance (250) and has her DD full time.

I know her income as I helped her with her tax return for CB (and to be fair her income may be even more now!).

All me and my parents ever hear is how hard things are financially. She won’t ever buy coffees if we are out or get the kids a lolly or pitch in for something. Birthdays and Christmases are a really basic gift with the apology that it’s ’hard on her own.’

I could never admit this in real life to anyone as I’m really close to her but I honestly feel like this takes the piss. She feels her earning potential is hampered now but on this take home pay in your thirties, regardless of having DD..surely IANBU to think this is privileged and she should stop being so mean spirited?

So you expect her to fund treats for everyone on days out?

It's really not a lot if she's on her own

@TwinkleTwinkleLittleBatgirl no sorry I mean if we get some coffees then she never returns the favour. Ever!

What's her job?

Doesn't it depend on her outgoings too?

@50Balesofgrey really?? Our take home is 5,100 and that’s for me, DH and two kids! We feel we have more than enough

@MatchaMatchaMatcha it’s a management role

she works for her money. She’s not privileged because she goes to work!

She must have big outgoings.

It’s less than 2 adults earning min wage, so no I don’t think she’s privileged. Sounds like she’s spending sensibly, hopefully got some savings as she’s the only earner. She also presumably works hard for her money

@HermioneWeasley sure but it’s only her and DD she is supporting

Just stop paying for her coffee and buy gifts to the save value. It's easy really 😄

It's only a bit less than mine and my husbands joint income. I don't think it's a huge amount tbh.

Doesn’t sound like tons for a 1 parent household. You don’t spend half the money of a 2 adult household as one (eg council tax isn’t half, water bill won’t be half, WiFi won’t be half)

It sounds like she's a single parent so is that her whole household income? I'd be more cautious on a single income there is no safety net if something happens to your employment

Does she have childcare costs too? I have been a single parent on a good wage and it is hard work covering all the bills on your own, along with working full time, looking after a child, running a house etc. Are you in a similar position but lower wage and that's why you see her as privileged?

She might be being genuinely concerned about having enough money.

I always think of ‘privileged’ as meaning having stuff given to you rather than through your own volition? If she’s paid that much for her own work then it’s not really her privilege is it, it’s what she’s owed?

I'm on my own with 12 year old. My take home's about the same as hers. I'm not skint, by any measure, but I'm not rolling in money either

You sound very jealous.

It depends on her mortgage or rental payments really (if she has mortgage). And if she has debts to service.

I agree it's not absolute penury. But property is so expensive these days, that depending where she lives, I can totally imagine earning this much and not having much left over. In fact, I do take home not dissimilar to this, and some months can be a struggle (holiday time, Christmas, if something suddenly breaks.)

Maybe you and your husband have lower mortgage/rent. That's always the big one.

But the difference in cost between being a single parent and a two parent household isn't going to be very enormous is it? Maybe £50 of council tax and £150 in food? Some clothes I guess and a few birthday presents. If you had substantial train commuting costs or an expensive second car I guess that could add a lot. But I can't think what other costs would be an essential addition to being a two parent household rather than one.

It's more than my family brings in for four of us and we can manage to take our turn buying a coffee when we go out...
We also have a small house and and old car and don't have fancy holidays so I suppose it just depends where your priorities are.

Sorry but YABU. She does not owe you anything really.
If you want lollys and coffees then earn that money yourself. Your DSis is not an extension of your own bank account.

I earn a lot of money but don’t have much spare cash as my mortgage is high and my bills are high. I am paying £180 a week in private tutoring for my son who for various reasons needs it.
So I can’t afford to do things like get my hair highlighted, any beauty treatments, buying new clothes but I do prioritise seeing friends etc.
So I think I am very privileged and lucky but I don’t have much spare cash month to month due to my choices to spend a lot of money on my sons tutoring etc.
So maybe your sister earns a lot but has it all allocated for certain things so can’t afford things like coffees out etc.
Can you not just meet her for a walk in the park or something free? Also if she wants to cut down on presents then do the same.
when someone says I can’t afford it they often mean it’s not their priority.
That’s what I mean. Can I afford new clothes etc - no. But I should be able to I am just choosing to spend my money on things that are important to me, which are the tutoring and seeing my friends.
I think the things I prioritise wouldn’t be priority for other people, which is fine as we are all different.

So what is her pre tax income? About £70k? That's the same as 2 adults on an average income. If she's running a house by herself as a single parent it probably doesn't go as far as you think.

We are 2A 2C on slightly over that combined income (about £75k).

I would suspect your sister's mortgage/rent, electricity, water, car running costs, etc is pretty much the same as my family as that's how things work with a house. Her main difference is half the food shop a week which isn't loads.

Sounds like your sister is being sensible. Remember if proverbial hits the fan there is no second income so she may well want to be frugal to get a much bigger rainy day fund than a couple would think of.