To think if you earn this, it doesn’t matter your circumstances, you’re still bloody privileged?!

[Herefo1]

My sister takes home 4,200 a month. She gets a tiny bit of maintenance (250) and has her DD full time.

I know her income as I helped her with her tax return for CB (and to be fair her income may be even more now!).

All me and my parents ever hear is how hard things are financially. She won’t ever buy coffees if we are out or get the kids a lolly or pitch in for something. Birthdays and Christmases are a really basic gift with the apology that it’s ’hard on her own.’

I could never admit this in real life to anyone as I’m really close to her but I honestly feel like this takes the piss. She feels her earning potential is hampered now but on this take home pay in your thirties, regardless of having DD..surely IANBU to think this is privileged and she should stop being so mean spirited?

Really???????
Everyone's perception of what is alot /not a lot is different.
I think it's unfair that she doesn't buy rounds of coffee / ice-cream etc when she is out,like other family members do

Yes, on paper, £4k+ pcm seems a lot. But, remember, £1k of that will be gone on mortgage. Then, what about her commuting costs, childcare, any debt/loans, etc. It adds up.
I'm a single person household on £3k take home per month, and I don't manage to save much, after mortgage, car loan, commuting, etc. - and I don't have a child to pay for. I imagine she would need a bigger property than me, for example.
As others have said, comparison is the thief of joy; but equally, she shouldn't be accepting coffees/drinks, and never paying her share when it comes around.

No, it's not a lot for a single parent house. I take home around £4400 and am in a double income family. I've looked at my expenditure tracker and If I were to fund all expenses for the household (excluding money spent for my husband) for 1 of my children, I would have about £213 per month spare on average over the last calendar year. £213 per month spare in a year that I haven't had to replace my car or repair the roof/deal with emergency expenses. I could easily dip into debt if I had any emergencies on that single salary. Your sister is sensible to look after her money.

It’s a good salary and way above average but it could be tight depending on where she lives and if she’s renting.

In my unfashionable London suburb rent on a small 2 bed property is £1800. The rest goes fast with bills, travel, food and all the other shit.

I raised my son as a single parent on an overdraft.
Worked full time and didn't live extravagantly. Month to month and not in a position to save.
I think OP's sister is on a very good salary, including considering outgoings

Stop the working hard tripe.
I earn £1800 a month, and I literally wipe arses all day. I work hard

I think she earns enough to pay for her own share of coffee and ice lollies, she does not need to be subsidised by her family but your title is a bit misleading/clic baiting

She presumably works hard. And primarily does the parenting juggle by herself. Would you want to swap her life for yours?

and I’d guess that her outgoings are substantial. Mortgage of 990. I imagine she’s heavily insured to safeguard against losing her income. She possibly saves as much as she can to cover potential further education costs because the £250 contribution from the other parent implies she’ll not be getting a huge contribution when the time comes.

what are her commute costs? Childcare? Home maintenance? Running a car?

try not to be jealous OP. I’d be incredibly hurt if I was your sis and discovered you felt this way.

Its probably not less than 2 adults earning minimum wage but it is not far off at all. Example, I get around £67k p/a, and my take home after discounting the child benefit I need to repay, and my pension contributions, is around £3700 pcm. Two earners doing same hours as me, at £13ph, just above minimum wage, and paying the same employee pension contribution as me, would take home £1785 each per month. And keep all child benefit.

People’s reactions to this level of income does annoy me. It’s not so black and white with people’s out goings vs what part of the country you’re living in.
I can earn up to £4K a month (self employed) however my mortgage is £2k, bills and groceries around £500 all in all and then there’s the train fare (£30 a day), nursery fees, petrol, insurances etc etc on top of that.
You’d be surprised how quickly that money evaporates.
I think my point is we should all be kinder to one another and not think people are “bad with money” or “mean” if it’s a struggle, even though on paper you appear to be well paid!

Thank you. This is also my life - don’t expect tiny violins but the lack of understanding about the costs of single parenting - immediate and opportunity costs - really grinds my gears actually.

I think you've gotten the wrong end of the stick. OP didn't say that this woman is paying for another person that's not working, so it's strange to draw a comparison with 2 people earning minimum wage.

£4k+ take home for one person is massive.

It's really strange to say you're struggling because you paid £2k a month on a mortgage.

Your income allows you to have a very nice home, hence why you are able to pay £2k a month on a mortgage.

Struggling would be if you didn't have a mortgage, because your take home pay didn't allow you to pay for a mortgage.

I'm really confused as to why people struggle to understand this.

Utterly disgusting of you to abuse your position of holding privileged information. Doesn't matter whether names are used or not, you do NOT discuss someone else's financial position when it has been confided to you.

Well they are the only people she should be supporting. Maybe she has a big mortgage or debts? Maybe she has a secret gambling or drug habit? Maybe she doesn't see the value in buying overpriced coffees and gets pleasure from saving her money. Maybe hoping to help DD get a flat or something in future.

Either way you just need to stop buying things for her if she never reciprocates. I would somewhat silently judge people who seem unnecessarily tight but ultimately it's her money to do as she pleases as she earned every penny. She wasn't handed it on a plate.

Jealousy isn’t a good look. Good on your sister for holding down a full time job and being a single mother.

It is a decent salary and hopefully she is just choosing to spend her money differently (maybe she's saving, maybe holidays, maybe beauty treatments, maybe nights out when she gets chance) as it must be tough as a single parent.

DH don't earn much more than than between 2 of us, and we have 2 dc, but I can imagine the pressure is very different when you don't have a partner.

Are you joking? You know her outgoings? Financial priorities? Disposable income? It’s her business. Not anyone else’s.

You’re comparing her net pay to yours and whatever the difference, even if it’s a grand or two, make such little difference in reality. Especially if she’s on her own.

I bet you’ve discussed her private matters with at least two family members.

We’ve really got to stop using the word privilege when referring to people that go to work and earn a salary. As her sister, I’m assuming you had a similar upbringing and similar level of privilege.

You don’t know her outgoings and shes only got herself to rely on. If she loses her job she’s fucked so she needs a much more robust back up plan compared to a couple. she may well be assuming she’s going to be single in later life and pouring money into her pension too. Maybe she racked up a ton of debt when younger and paying for it now.

It’s up to her how she spends her money. I’d hate to think I’m being judged.

Mum of two here. Single parent household. My core expenses just for us to pay bills each month and eat amount to 3k. That’s without car costs, clubs, clothing etc. It really doesn’t go far at all.

im on maternity leave and refuse to buy drinks out. We have a bean to cup coffee machine there is no way I’m spending £4.50 on a coffee out. I’ll bring it in a flask.

She will have to cover a mortgage, clothes, school fees, uniforms, pension, savings, council tax, all utility bills and transport by herself so no I do not thing she is being stingy (although the way you chose to write about her circumstances sure tried to write it like everyone should think the same way you do)

YABU. £4,200 a month allowance from your parents would be privileged, yah. £4,200 from working is good? but just enough to live on ok-ish in much of the country if you have a family, unless your housing is subsided

You earn more than her as a household?

Bit of a cheek judging her

Spare a thought for the fact she needs to be cautious, as the buck stops with her. If she's unable to work, ALL that income goes away as there's no second pay cheque.

I can't imagine someone married with 2 kids is unable to grasp this.

Little did she know it, but your DS was the one being unreasonable for allowing you to see her finances.

Her money is her own, so long as she isn't CF'ing coffees and lollipops from you what does it matter?