To think if you earn this, it doesn’t matter your circumstances, you’re still bloody privileged?!

[Herefo1]

My sister takes home 4,200 a month. She gets a tiny bit of maintenance (250) and has her DD full time.

I know her income as I helped her with her tax return for CB (and to be fair her income may be even more now!).

All me and my parents ever hear is how hard things are financially. She won’t ever buy coffees if we are out or get the kids a lolly or pitch in for something. Birthdays and Christmases are a really basic gift with the apology that it’s ’hard on her own.’

I could never admit this in real life to anyone as I’m really close to her but I honestly feel like this takes the piss. She feels her earning potential is hampered now but on this take home pay in your thirties, regardless of having DD..surely IANBU to think this is privileged and she should stop being so mean spirited?

So you have an extra £900 a month with lower childcare costs because there are two of you to cover? At a guess, her bills are maybe £400 lower for less food and a couple of activities. That's still a £500 difference which covers a hell of a lot of coffees each month.

4 year old. So, before a d after school care, then? Holiday childcare?

Probably a car to run?

where does she live?

Surely she is just being super financially responsible? Living according to her means?

You don’t have to buy stuff for each other to be close and have fun.

It’s more or less the same as two people on minimum wage.

Would you call them privileged?

Very difficult to run a household and raise a child on one wage nowadays.

I would say YABU as there is (1) no information on outgoings (2) the entire burden of financial responsibility is on her and so she will need to save a lot to have a cushion in case she cannot work for a period of time or there are unexpected expenses such as roof repairs, new car, boiler etc (3) working to earn money does not necessarily make you privileged.

We can’t say unless you tell us what her outgoings are.

I mean, I’m a single parent on NMW, working 40 hours a week and taking home around 1900 a month. To me, it seems loads. But it absolutely depends on outgoings. My two are at school, so no childcare costs. I guess context is everything. In my situation, I’d be doing great with that income. But outgoings vary so much.

I earn a third of that with a teenager, pay my mortgage and all my bills.

Firstly she’s not privileged, she works for it.

Secondly she’s in her own, having to think about every eventuality for her and her child should she get sick, lose her job, die, become disabled. I would hope that she’s squirreling away money like hell for all those rainy days, as well as her DD’s future, as well as her own. She’s on her own, nobody to help financially, nobody to rely on in the event of a financial emergency, nobody to share the load with.

I think you need to take a long hard look at yourself and YOUR privilege as a two income, two parent household.

Well that's relative.

If you ignore the DLA we get for DS (we do ringfence it), we managed on just over half that so it seems like a lot to me - we've never had as much as that per month. We have no rent/mortgage, but when we did have a mortgage it was about £350/mth, our income was about £3,000/mth then.

£4,000 a month would solve a lot of our problems!

I was stunned to find out recently that if you’re a lawyer or banker who is also a partner at your firm you’ll be on about £70K (take home) a month if not more. So no, £4,200 isn’t a lot when compared to that!

I don’t actually know her outgoings. All I know is her mortgage was 990

I think you are underestimating how much the second parent picks up to save money eg wraparound care at my child’s school is £28 per day so £140 per week of £5500 for the academic year. A second parent can cover that time so childcare isn’t needed at all. That’s just one example.

£1400 a month and you can run a home and support a teenager.
May I ask what your outgoings are?
I am facing a big reduction in income/lifestyle and could do with some advice/tips.

I also think that most single parents have the pressure to know they need to save everything they can because there is no back up or safely net if something happens to their job.

It could be that she takes unpaid leave during school holidays but otherwise it’s about £60 per day here which is almost £2000 just if the summer holidays.

Your household income is more than hers? An extra adult and child doesn’t increase the cost of running a household very much at all.

I have DD5 and get just less than £300 child maintenance. I earn less than your sister but potentially live in a cheaper area of the country. It's all relative. The difference is that if 1 of you lost your job then you might be able to get a mortgage holiday and cover essentials on 1 wage. Im looking into an income protection policy at ££ a month to give us the same security. An extra £600 a month is a lot because costs don't halve with 1 adult and 1 child in the house. Also, if she has her DD full time it all costs. Wraparound care is an extra £35 a week when my parents are on holiday because I need 2 breakfast club and 2 extra afterschool clubs. I wfh 4 days a week!

Stock answer.

What’s the point of the thread if you just disagree with everyone?

When one parent is a SAHM parent there are no childcare costs. Someone has time to cook from scratch, and clean, and handle all the crap that a single working parent in a stressful job can't do. Stop being so judgemental

@brunettemic fair point. Just having a moan I guess!

She’ll be on a decent salary, but doesn’t sound like “privileged” territory to me. Should be enough for 2 people to live on. We don’t have masses more for 4 of us and I think we are quite comfortable! But it depends on outgoings of course. Just inwardly roll your eyes and let her get on with it.

So we have a takeaway home pay of 3300 per month. Don't have a mortgage- that's for DH, me and a child ... We manage to save between 1000- 1300 per month..... So to me that's loads more than necessary.....

There's a big difference between having household income of c. £5k where a) you have a stay at home spouse to take care of the childcare (wraparound if in school), house maintenance, life admin, emergency care, fall-back option, etc. at no extra cost and b) having to buy in any or all of that help out of the same amount.

Not to mention there being no second adult as a potential back up plan for income should you fall ill, be made redundant etc. I hope she has good insurance.

If you resent a disparity of spending, the answer is to cut back on what you offer, not expect her to spend beyond what she is comfortable doing in order to match you.

Even if she's saving a reasonable amount each week (for holidays, a new car, home improvements, university costs) that's her business, not yours. Everyone makes choices about their spending. For example, I dislike buying individual bottled drinks or freqent coffees when out because I don't see them as good value for money, but I'll go on holidays that cost thousands. If she doesn't return your favours, don't give them.

She will be paying all household outgoings/car/petrol/meals out and so on out of one wage. You can split those with your partner. People don’t realise the premium single people have to pay to cover the same expenses as a couple.