To think if you earn this, it doesn’t matter your circumstances, you’re still bloody privileged?!

[Herefo1]

My sister takes home 4,200 a month. She gets a tiny bit of maintenance (250) and has her DD full time.

I know her income as I helped her with her tax return for CB (and to be fair her income may be even more now!).

All me and my parents ever hear is how hard things are financially. She won’t ever buy coffees if we are out or get the kids a lolly or pitch in for something. Birthdays and Christmases are a really basic gift with the apology that it’s ’hard on her own.’

I could never admit this in real life to anyone as I’m really close to her but I honestly feel like this takes the piss. She feels her earning potential is hampered now but on this take home pay in your thirties, regardless of having DD..surely IANBU to think this is privileged and she should stop being so mean spirited?

Having been a single parent on a similar income I felt very, very stretched. Particularly as there is no back stop and she needs to provide no matter what. It's really hard to be a single mum op. If you haven't been through it you can only imagine how terrifying it can be. I imagine she is constantly trying to keep some money in a pot for worst case scenarios. Yabu.

Also 250 is really not very much to house, clothe, care and generally provide for a child. She sounds like she must be burnt out.

The best thing to do is buy her similar gifts & don't buy her coffees etc

@heraldgerald yes it’s not loads of CM but we definitely don’t spend more than that on each of our two

I think you are the one being “mean spirited” op. She’s a single parent, she works, and will pay a load of tax on that salary. I’m not seeing the “privilege”.

It’s a gross salary of about £70k plus the CM. It’s much more than 2 adults on NMW. Assuming my understanding of take home pay is the same as OPs (ie net pay).

She can still feel the pinch if she has high outgoings and can be as tight as she likes but its a reasonably high salary.

Come on OP, spill some details about where she lives and all, so that we don’t wonder whether you’re just kite flying….

It’s really not less than two adults earning minimum wage - I think you’ve got your sums wrong somewhere. The OP is talking about take home pay for a start…

Have you taken into account that the tax take on two minimum wage jobs is much lower than the tax take on one higher wage? Plus the single higher earner loses some child benefit whereas two lower earners do not.

I wouldn't say that salary is privileged. It enough to cover essentials, bills, a holiday, savings and a few tears without stressing too much

Absolutely this. I’m a high earner but I’m very conscious that if I lose my job (which actually did happen to me last year through redundancy) there is no other salary coming in to pay the bills. So I save a significant amount of money each month to give myself a safety net. When I was out of work all I saw was my savings depleting day after day and I knew there was a finite point where it would run out. It’s terrifying. Plus I live in the SE so my mortgage is huge. My salary on paper sounds amazing but in reality I don’t have that much disposable income

Do you not spend that amount as you have two duration the hh to share childcare?
I have one DD3 and get similar CM. Her nursery fees alone are £500/month including tax free discount and free hours. And that’s before I’ve fed, housed or clothed her,

Well yeah, you have a grand a month more for similar outgoings, so of course it’s ‘enough’ for you even if it’s a struggle for her. You’re not paying double rent/mortgage, double council tax, double utilities, so the comparison is null and void.

i take home slightly less than she does as a single parent, with no maintenance, and it’s a daily, penny pinching, exhausting struggle. No car, no heating, cooking from scratch, walking everywhere. I’m glad you’re doing well on your two parent, two income household, but you clearly have no idea how much of a mental and financial grind single parenting is.

I agree she is privledged but don’t agree it’s mean spirited, I’d think cautious and even savvy (a coffee out now is a huge waste of money)

If she still has full time child care to pay for, 250 is barely a contribution. Even if the child is in school, covering before and aftercare plus breaks is expensive. The father isn’t coming anywhere close to paying half of a child’s expenses. If I were her I would be very cautious with money.

This. Single parents have same mortgage costs, council tax, utilities bills, wifi and home maintenance costs as couples, the same costs for children's clothing, clubs etc, but with only one income. You may buy her and her daughter a coffee or ice lolly or Christmas presents, but then she has to buy double that to treat your family, despite having less income than you. Don't count pennies when you are with her - just enjoy each other's company. If you can't afford to sub her, say let's each pay for our own.

It depends on her outgoings. She’d be wise to save lots given they are reliant on one income. Similar to other pps we have high income on paper but in reality it’s eaten up through things we’ve chosen- mostly pensions as both self employed so no workplace option. It’s a question of priorities. She’s not privileged but her money has been earnt! In not sure why you use the word privilege as it’s not a given surely it’s her earnings.

40 hours a week on minimum wage equals a take home pay of £1800, so she is certainly earning more than 2 x that.

It’s not privileged. As it’s not handed to her. Presumably, you could have earned this if you had made different choices as presumably you had the same upbringing. You sound incredibly jealous.

I earn the same but have huge outgoings. I could downsize, change to a smaller older car, and have less holidays but choose not too.

How? Minimum wage is £25.4k, £4200 take home is about £70k

If she were to be made redundant she would have no one to fall back on, so I’m not surprised that she’s careful with her money and expect she tries to save some each month. She sounds very sensible.

Yabu.

I took home a similar amount as a single parent, after bills, food, fuel, childcare and my mortgage was taken out I wasn’t left with a great deal.

it’s the same as two people earning £30000 a year which is only about £5000 a year over minimum wage.

I take home more than that and as a single parent in a London commuter town, with one child in uni and another one still in school, a massive mortgage on my modest 3 bed semi, and 1 x 1 week foreign holiday with my children per year, I don’t have a penny left at the end of the month and I certainly don’t feel well off.

Comparison is the stealer of joy, OP. It really is none of your business

4K+ isn’t that much money?
it’s double what I earn and I don’t feel hard up!