To have told NDN that dh won’t be helping her anymore?

[Babycarrierdilemma]

NDN has a young baby. We live on the second floor and she has been knocking or messaging every day wanting dh to help her up and down the stairs with the pram.

She has asked twice for a lift to an appointment next week as said she couldn’t manage the train alone. I told her that he can’t take her and she should sort out a taxi to which she said she cant manage car seat / pram and baby alone.

I had 2 carriers from when dc were little so I took them round and gave them to her said I didn’t have instructions but I was happy to show her or could send her the link to YouTube for each one. I said to her that we can’t help her anymore as it’s really getting too much. It literally is as I’m fed up of the daily requests and it’s almost like learned helplessness?

She messaged dh that evening upset and he’s told me I’ve been really unkind ??? It’s caused an argument and I’ve had to say it’s now a deal breaker if he continues to let her disrupt our lives this way?

I agree with you. Although it’s nice to be helpful, your neighbour has to learn to cope by herself, and not be reliant on other people.

Is there a safe place she can leave the pram downstairs, and suggesting a taxi is a sensible solution.

I’m guessing dh is enjoying being a saviour to this damsel in distress. Voujdvuou call his bouff and leave him with the children, and you take her? (And enjoy nice coffee at cista) Was she expecting dh to wait around to bring her home?

YANBU and she sounds like a CF. You were very generous to give her the slings. Where is the baby’s father in all of this?

I don’t drive so I can’t take her . I’m also at the point where I now wouldn’t after the message where she said she didn’t know how to say and didn’t want to say but she has cried all afternoon and is stressed after my visit and that I wasn’t kind . She has come across as manipulative today which I hadn’t seen before

Where’s the dad?

She’s a single parent moved in when baby was 5 weeks (now 16 weeks) I’m not exaggerating when I say it’s been daily and at first I thought she’s a new mum had a c section so I didn’t mind but it’s got more intense

Haven’t seen him at all she told dh they split up when she was pregnant

I think the crucial bit of info missing is does Dh mind otherwise your coming across like a cat pissing to mark it territory

Yanbu to protect your marriage sorry

I do feel for her but has she never asked you for help, is she just asking him?

Shes vulnerable right now so as long as you were polite, you were right. She might be after your man xx

He is cross with me ! He loves helping but it’s impacting daily life with the demands

She was very wrong to go to your DH behind your back to complain about you.

You were very kind to give her the slings.

I don’t think you’re U at all to make this a deal breaker.

She’s obviously struggling, but if it’s impacting your lives adversely, which it sounds like it, then he needs to be the one to say something. Maybe when it calms down you could pop over for a coffee and have a chat with her about how she’s feeling so she doesn’t feel completely alone. You’ve been through the baby stage and could pass on some helpful tips. I couldn’t imagine how I would cope alone at that stage, but you’re right it isn’t your problem.

This is insane.
I wouldnt impose on a friend like this let alone a neighbour.

And your DH thinks YOU are unkind...lmfao
is HE the father?😅😅😅😅

(Spoiler i dont think the is the father)

BUT the fact she (correctly) thinks she can go over your head and bitch to your husband about you and he'll put you back in your lane (which he has) is a BIG problem though.
🚩🚩🚩🚩

He needs to get on the same page as you (ie you read him the riot act) and the two of you need to go around and he needs to explain while you stand silently that you (plural) have been v kind and given lots of support but enough is enough and long term its better she learns some independence as current situation isnt healthy or good for her longterm.

Sounds a bit weird that shes leaning on your dh like that. (Messaging)

does she not have family? Health visitor? Social servics? Friends?

How is it impacting life with the daily demands? I do agree with you that it sounds like a lot, and I wouldn't want to help that much. I certainly wouldn't want to be giving multiple lifts a week. But if he genuinely doesn't mind, I think it would need to be actively impacting the family as a whole and I am not sure I understand how it is? Maybe the lifts, but not helping with the pram if you happen to be in?

I don't think you should speak on behalf of your dh OP? It seems very controlling

Having said that , she does seem really needy but it's for him to refuse to help not you on his behalf.

I haven’t seen anyone but I’m out sometimes as work PT and dh WFH

Sbe is being a cheeky fucker.

My mum was a single mother. She never once asked a neighbour for help. Certainly not every day!

She sounds very helpless. Why can’t she manage the train on her own? I’ve been there with a baby and solo and you just get on with stuff. If she has a pushchair and a sling she should be fine. She should not be latching onto your husband as an easy substitute for a partner or family member.

Why cant she manage the train alone?

I get where you’re coming from in that she does sound like she’s taking advantage.

But at the same time, if I was perfectly happy to help a neighbour and my DH effectively told me I couldn’t anymore, I’d be a little irritated.

She knocks daily to have help with the pram then when she’s back she texts dh to help her back up. He gave her both our numbers . If he’s in a meeting and doesn’t reply she texts me to ask can he help. If she has shopping delivered in the evening some of the drivers will only bring it to the entrance not up the stairs so she knocks to ask us can we get it

I would never have bothered my neighbours like this! She def lacks boundaries and I think your dh likes to feel likes to help her out- saviour complex?

But if she's not bothering you and only your dh surely it is him who has to draw a line and say "enough". Unless it's affecting you directly I really don't think that you can forbid your dh to help her. Unless you suspect that something else is going on?

Not sure but I assume the pram / steps etc that’s why I gave her the carriers

Is there no where for her to leave the pram inside the door on the bottom floor.

Or she could leave a cheap pushchair down there

I don’t think anything is going on. I think dh just likes to help young pretty ‘helpless’ women. It’s just the knocking and the messages are annoying me and now the way she’s gone crying to him ? I find it really irritating