To have told NDN that dh won’t be helping her anymore?

[Babycarrierdilemma]

NDN has a young baby. We live on the second floor and she has been knocking or messaging every day wanting dh to help her up and down the stairs with the pram.

She has asked twice for a lift to an appointment next week as said she couldn’t manage the train alone. I told her that he can’t take her and she should sort out a taxi to which she said she cant manage car seat / pram and baby alone.

I had 2 carriers from when dc were little so I took them round and gave them to her said I didn’t have instructions but I was happy to show her or could send her the link to YouTube for each one. I said to her that we can’t help her anymore as it’s really getting too much. It literally is as I’m fed up of the daily requests and it’s almost like learned helplessness?

She messaged dh that evening upset and he’s told me I’ve been really unkind ??? It’s caused an argument and I’ve had to say it’s now a deal breaker if he continues to let her disrupt our lives this way?

To be fair things do get stolen often

Exactly.

How annoying. She plans on taking full advantage of you. Your dh is being naive.

She could leave it there late at night before she has to go the next morning.

My cousin used to do this. She lived on the fourth floor.

If she gets a few cheap pushchairs, it doesnt really matter if one is stolen

She's trying to co-opt your husband into husbanding for her. Your husband has leaned into it like a White Knight too.

Sorry, she has to get her own. Daily asks and rides and crying to him are crossing big lines. The manipulation and accusing you of being unkind are ploys to get sympathy when you were taking her stuff to help.

My husband was away on a contract when my baby was little and I was able to bus and take the subway and get around fine.

Remind him that your family is his priority, not being rescue ranger to a neighbor who's taking advantage and disrupting your life. She will only ramp up more if he keeps giving her what she wants.

Oh ffs! That's ridiculous and your DH shouldn't have given your number. This sounds like it will only escalate so nip it in the bud. Tell her straight out that she's not to contact any of you again and that you will file a harassment complaint against her if she continues. Your dh has to stop enabling this cf!

She does sound like a cheeky fucker, but I can't believe that you told her that your dh couldn't help any more without talking to him first. I would be incredibly pissed off if my DH took it upon himself to speak for me in that way - if he had a problem with me helping a neighbour, I would expect him to raise that with me directly, and then leave me to deal with it.

She sounds incredibly needy and yanbu to tell her to stop. Great boundaries
DH needs to be told clearly and firmly that you think he is prioritising her and her demands/needs over your family life
Occassional help is ok but everyday just to carry a pram up the stairs is nuts and annoying. It's not even like she's trying to befriend you too, either, she's being cheeky and honing in on your dh as he's a soft touch and more available!

And messaging him about crying all day is ridiculous and inappropriate. I would be warning him he is opening himself up to potentially leading her on or offering too much to her by comforting her or texting back after that - by him sympathising and comforting her its clearly him telling her that you're in the wrong and he agrees he needs to help her over you!

She can just as well leave the pram downstairs and carry the child up the stairs in a carrier or in her arms.

He loves helping

I'm not sure what you can do in this case. It would really piss me off as well though.

I would leave it entirely up to him-I wouldn't reply to her if she texts you to ask for help with her lifts/shopping or to tell you that your DH hasn't replied.

Tbis is why I never talk to neighbours. Mote peaceful. I certainly wouldnt give any of them my number!

I'm not surprised.
I'd be hopping mad in your situation.

Any chance dh knew her before she moved in?

Tbh I think you and your husband need to get onto the same page about this.

Yes, your NDN is expecting too much, but if your husband wasn't jumping to help her out every time then there wouldn't be a problem.

He is doing stuff you don't want him to do, and now you have done stuff he doesn't want you to do (having a word with her behind his back). It's not your NDN you need to sort this out with, it's your husband.

She incredibly immature. Sounds like she only knows how to be manipulative because that’s how she was brought up.
this will only get worse. Wait til she wants a social life again and starts asking you babysit. Nip it in the bud now.

The pram is easy she takes it down leaving dc in their cot and runs back up for dc and does the opposite on her way back no need for help. As for the train I've yet to come across a train station that doesn't have wheelchair access to the platforms and prams can use that its just getting on and off the train and tbh there's usually some bloke insisting on helping (even when you say no thanks) so no problem their either.
This woman needs to just get on with things herself.
I can't believe she has carrying her shopping for her lazy CF

Exactly ! The reason I even had carriers were for the same stairs she wants help with as back then dh was full time in the office !

She is very cheeky. Re the pram.. as baby is non mobile she can take baby up then come back for the pram. How does she think the rest of us managed. Even people with partners have to take babies out alone.

You could suggest she makes a self referral to Homestart. They may be able to match her with a volunteer who can offer practical and emotional help with parenting. Hopefully she can build some skills and confidence from them rather than be overly reliant on your husband.

https://www.home-start.org.uk/Pages/Category/things-we-can-help-with

I cant stand when people act helpless once they have a baby. She seems like she has being helpless down to a fine art. Id be pissed off too.

How cheeky to message your DH! Shit stirring

Well dh is actually sulking and told me he can’t believe he is with someone so uncaring. I’ve told him I want to discuss it properly and not argue so we can sort it out as it’s coming between us . He needs to stop being someone else’s doormat is what I want to say to him but I won’t .

I would be ginormously annoyed with this! When my first was born DH was constantly working away and I had nobody. I didn’t ask my neighbours husbands for help. The whole thing is too much. Your DH needs to put boundaries in place and stand by you. You weren’t being unkind. At all.

She'll be making a move on your DH if this continues.

I Remember bumping my buggy up and down stairs when i lived in an upstairs flat, we all had to do it .

Assuming no health issues of her own this is madness with a 16 week old. Mothers on mat leave have been out and about by themselves with their babies forever. You use the lift at the station, or you ask someone there to help you up the stairs, or you carry the whole thing, or you wear the baby in a sling, job done.