DDs phone is off/dead should I worry?

[Clerenty]

DD is 17, we are Scottish so she is already at uni, her birthday is in February. She moved to London for uni.

I messaged her at 5pm, she told me she would call me when she got home at 6/6.30pm. I haven’t heard since and when I message her on WhatsApp it one ticks, when I try to call it goes straight to voicemail.

I know I’m probably panicking unnecessarily but she was pretty clear about not having any plans tonight and it wouldn’t be like her to have her phone off, if her phone dies she usually charges it back pretty quickly and always takes her battery pack with her.

DH thinks I am being dramatic and if we haven’t heard from her by the morning we should worry but she might just be busy with friends.

AIBU to be worried?

That's what I did. September birthday, and went after 5th year - so I'd only just turned 17 when I went. In hindsight, doing my 6th year wouldn't have been a bad idea.

I feel so sorry for this girl. She is being made responsible for her mum's anxiety. Then forced to make up lies to placate her. If she does lose her phone or run out of battery her concern won't be for herself but how to contact her mother to prevent more drama. If she wants private time with a boy she will have to message mum first lying about a evening lecture or cinema trip. This constant monitoring will get draining and I think she will find herself moving very far away to cut ties. Same with her brother getting sucked into Mums drama, his night was ruined too.

Ah I can honestly see both sides of this.

As a mother of daughters, the thought of this makes me feel sick to my stomach. my eldest is 11 and the recent push for independence within our own wee town is hard enough.

At the same time, I had a mother who was an overbearing nightmare when I left for uni. I remember her going absolutely stratospheric when she found out my boyfriend had stayed over in my flat. Thank god phone tracking wasn’t a thing back then.

Did you not read that it was out of character?

I can see why her mum was worried, especially as she is so far away.

Have a little empathy.

My empathy lies with the poor daughter who has no privacy to live her life at uni.
I hope she manages to escape the suffocating clutches of the OP

It’s fine to worry but not ok to demand that she responds to you in a specific time frame or has to tell you where she is or if her plans change. That is controlling. And unnecessary.

Oh OP, I am so glad that your daughter turned up! I was born in February too and went to university in a Scottish city when I was 17. I ended up in a student flat with four other 17 year old girls and we were all wild, but looked after each other and had the time of our lives. Looking back I can't believe we had so much independence so young, and I am grateful that my kids were both summer babies, but generations of Scottish 17 year olds have survived this transition and you just need to trust that your daughter will do the same because you've done the hard work bringing her up to be an independent young woman! Sending solidarity though, because it can't be easy.

She didn’t though the daughter did

the DD could have easily said busy tonight talk later and that would be it but the stress came from her saying she was going to call and then didn’t

but the stress came from her saying she was going to call and then didn’t

@Shakeandvacuum

When you have a 17 year old hundreds of miles away it is natural to worry when this ^^ happens. I haven't walked in the OP's shoes, but I can understand why she was worried. I don't think the OP is overbearing or controlling. You just don't know what it is like to worry about a teenager who is so far away.

I think the OP needs to manage her anxiety without impacting her daughter’s life so much though. It must have been mortifying for the daughter to have so much unnecessary drama due to her being uncontactable for just a few hours.

This is a really mean post, can bet your life you have young children and have yet to go through these worrying stages of your child going off to uni.
Why you getting so het up about it and lecturing the OP? It’s not your call to do so.

Not mean and not het up about it.

No they don’t . The word for that is ‘few’.

how old is/are your DC @Shakeandvacuum ?

You sound idiotic & clearly you haven’t read all the posts 🙄..
OP is not suffocating & over bearing !
Her daughter is 17 not 27 !!!!!
Every mother on here could relate to OP & her well founded worries, makes me question you as a mother though if you are one !!!!

Having been a 17 year old at uni, this would be mortifying. Absolutely humiliating. To have your mother tracking you down through your friendship group until you're found with a guy you fancied? You'd never hear the end of it. They're going to be taking the mickey out of the poor lass for the rest of her life.

Have you promised to contact ypur parents hundreds of miles away at a certain time and then not bothered?

If the police had located the daughter with her boyfriend, then yes it could very well be mortifying.

But the 'tracking down' which was done via her brother, show the daughter is from a caring, loving family. I imagine she is secure enough having been brought up in a caring, loving, environment that she may be slightly embarrassed but isn't 'mortified' and 'humiliated' at all.

well said

I still think she was unreasonable, putting her own worries onto everyone else. I have empathy for the worried feeling, I also have teens and i know that panicky feeling well, especially when something is out of character, but I think it's really important to keep my worries to myself or minimise them to others. From the daughters perspective, she was just living her life and met with all this drama. Everyone at Uni will be gossiping about her now, knowing she was with this guy, not to mention her personal business being on an open online forum. I think the whole thing is unreasonable and very unfair to her. She did nothing wrong.

Oh give it a rest, talk about exaggerating it!
Let it go, OP daughter is safe. There are no rules in how we are with our kids, just accept that and move on.

Oh no how awful the op must feel now you have give your take on what will happen next.
Hopefully the OP couldn’t give two hoots about these lectures some of you are giving.
It’s over now get over yourself.

Why are you being so rude?. You sound over invested in the whole thing 🤣🤣🤣

Did DD arrive home?? Hope all is ok

“ I hope she manages to escape the suffocating clutches of the OP “ , & you’re calling the pp rude !!
She’s not rude or over invested , I feel the same way as her reading your posts .
You my dear are very hard to listen to .
Now take it on the chin & bow out ..