DDs phone is off/dead should I worry?

[Clerenty]

DD is 17, we are Scottish so she is already at uni, her birthday is in February. She moved to London for uni.

I messaged her at 5pm, she told me she would call me when she got home at 6/6.30pm. I haven’t heard since and when I message her on WhatsApp it one ticks, when I try to call it goes straight to voicemail.

I know I’m probably panicking unnecessarily but she was pretty clear about not having any plans tonight and it wouldn’t be like her to have her phone off, if her phone dies she usually charges it back pretty quickly and always takes her battery pack with her.

DH thinks I am being dramatic and if we haven’t heard from her by the morning we should worry but she might just be busy with friends.

AIBU to be worried?

Well you’re worried now, you’re allowed to worry and you should do whatever you need to do to find her and put your mind at rest.

Hi OP
totally understandable to be worried.
do you have contact details for her uni accommodation? They should have someone available to go and check her room. I’d do it sooner rather than later.
if not I’m sure there are plenty of us living in London whi could drive and check. Whereabouts is she - north or south of the river?

I'm with your DH, tomorrow would be the earliest reasonable time to try contacting her accommodation.

I would feel smothered if my mum was like this with me, the more you panic the more she may push back

Hope you hear from her soon op x

Please try not to worry. At that age even kind, thoughtful teenagers are dim and don't think about parents worrying about them. She could be at a friend's house and battery died, have a broken phone, be at a house party, be having a coffee with friends. I wouldn't worry until the morning. I once went away on a uni club trip to somewhere with no phone signal for a week, three days in we went up a hill and I got signal to see hundreds of missed calls from my mum and a message she was going to call the police. I thought she was being ridiculous and quickly texted back that I was fine. And thought no more of it. Now I shudder to think about my kids doing that to me!

Bloody hell. She turned off find my phone because she felt "watched" and moved to university on the other side of the country. How do you think she will feel about a welfare check and some random women search party because she's a couple of hours late for what, I assume, was a completely non urgent chat.

Second PP, I'm extremely glad that when I left home at 17 smart phones didn't exist! Rang my mum once a week tops

Please don't do this until tomorrow at the earliest, your daughter will not thank you for it and if she has friends or a boy there when someone comes and checks she will be mortified.

I understand why you're worried, but think that a welfare check tonight is completely disproportionate. If you haven't heard from her / her phone isn't switched on by tomorrow then that's different.

How often are you messaging a day? Could she need space? I know she’s young but I’m wondering if she just wants a bit of space. Of course she should have told you but teens can be thoughtless.

She doesn’t like you to have location as she feels watched? Is there some back story there? TBH at 17 and in a city 100’s of miles from home it would be sensible and im surprised she doesn’t allow it

I really wouldn’t advise giving a random stranger the address of your 17 year old child!! Even if the poster is genuine, imagine being 17 and having someone knock at your door saying ‘your mum made a post about you on Mumsnet so I, a stranger, offered to come and check on you’.

It’s completely understandable to be worried but I think you need to just wait for now rather than taking any action. This is a part of the freedom of going away to uni. It’s ok to not know where she is or what she’s doing.

Check theres someone there to check on her… like a main reception desk or security office. I’m guessing it’s not possible just to walk up to her room and that would weird out the poor girl anyway.

Im with you OP, I would catastrophic this too but logically its literally getting carried away and shes actually having a good time! Please update us with her explanation when it comes - I will be thinking of you until you hear from her.

That would still involve giving a random off the internet the details of a 17 year old girl living hundreds of miles from home.

Imagine if the 17 year old gave out those details online to an adult they didn’t know at all?

Take a breath. You are being unreasonable. She’s 17 and old enough to be living on her own at uni and you are panicking she hasn’t messaged you after a few hours.

Honestly if my mum did this I would make it very clear it was smothering.

Of course it isn't. But this thread was started after two and a bit hours of not instantly answering the phone and has already degenerated into vague thoughts of banging on the poor kid's bedroom door.

Her battery has likely just died or she's on the tube so not got any signal. Or does she have issue with data allowance and may have turned off data so only gets internet when on the WiFi?

Please don’t panic @Clerenty. It’s most likely she’s caught up in the moment and she has no time to message you. This is no insult to you, it’s just how it is. It’s terrifying I agree but my advice to you is to back off with the messaging until she contacts you. She’ll appreciate this so much: that you have confidence in her to make the right choices; you trust her judgement; you’ll give her space to grow. We live in a relatively safe world where people still look out for each other, despite what we’re lead to believe by social media and disaster-focussed news. Sending strength and love from a mum who’s gone through this and feels everything you’re feeling x

Only you know if it’s out of character for her @Clerentyno random people on the internet using their own thoughts and experience’s, parenting can tell you if you should worry or not. I hope you have heard from her by now or soon.

Totally understandable that you’re worried especially as she said she didn’t have any plans for tonight and appears to be non-contactable. Teenagers plans can change on a whim and tbh contacting parents would not enter their head despite what they said (my sons would frequently do this when at uni). If she’s out and about she may not be able to charge her phone. I think the fact that she wanted location switched off means that she doesn’t want her parents knowing her every move.
Try to remain positive as I’m sure she’s fine and will be in touch at some point.

I'm in south London and my DCs are often in town. Despite being a major city, you'd be surprised how many blackspots there are where you just don't get a signal. My DS was in a basement at the pub this evening and couldn't text or WhatsApp and didn't receive mine.
There are lots of basement establishments - coffee shops, restaurants etc. And the tube of course. Often just walking in the street!

I'm surprised by some of the answers here! I am assuming she is just in her first term at uni? Is this her first time away from home? How has she been managing? It can be a tricky time for teens being away at first. I think it's fine to be worried and if I had an agreement to be in touch with a DC and they weren't contactable, I'd want to check they're ok.

The urgency would depend on how they were doing more generally.

Try not to worry I lnow its hard. Dd also rejected me having life 360 on her phone, but has allowed her brother to. She may just have fallen.asleep. Ds once messaged me at lunchtime to confirm a station pick up, wasnt on the train and 5 hours later( 10 since last contact) still wasnt anwering his phone. I did ask halls to check on him as we had a set plan, he'd gone for a nap and just not woken up ( mad week of coursework dead lines) . Hes never quite lived it down!