Husband and son invited to wedding me only reception

[Frasierfan]

Husband came back a few weeks ago saying he had news! His brother had told him he was getting married. Delighted.

When I saw brother in law I congratulated him and he asked me how I knew. Husband wasn’t supposed to tell anyone. Husband didn’t think this applied to me.

The invitations are out. Three envelopes, for husband, younger son and me. Not one for my eldest son from previous relationship who has been in husband’s life for two decades.

I thought it was odd that we had separate envelopes. I thought they were getting married in a hotel. Then younger son opened his. It turns out they are marrying in a registry office but I am only invited to Reception. I am really pissed off and not a little insulted.

I want to know details of who is invited to actual wedding and if there’s constraints etc.

Husband won’t ask.

AIBU

Obviously your husband will decline and attend the reception only with HIS whole family right? If not, divorce.

Some registry offices are pretty small. If you know the location you could google it and see if this is likely to be the case

Well presumably your husband will not be attending without you and your eldest son given he's raised him for 2 decades. It's also ridiculous to think you wouldn't find out when your own husband and other son were invited.

BIL is trying to divide and conquer, or at best he is totally selfish. You should all be invited together. I don't think your DH should go.

This

This is the only way forwards. And, you and the brother are no longer family since he has excluded your son

No-one excluded your kid but gets to call you family.

But who doesnt consider a SIL of that many years immediate family? I actually dont know anyone in RL who would do this or even consider it.

The most important part of this story is whether or not your husband plans to go without you and the son who has been in his life for two decades?

Well the fact his brother honestly didn't expect your DH to even tell you he was getting married speaks volumes about him actually.
And if he doesnt think a husband sharing family news with his wife is normal in a marriage then goodness knows what is going on in his head as regards the etiquette of inviting family to his wedding.
I agree with pp: i hope your DH refuses the invitation if it doesn't include you and both sons.

Exactly and it's clearly nothing to do with numbers if the older son isn't invited to any part at all.

I loathe this sort of crass and self-absorbed behaviour from wedding couples, it makes my toes curl. If you can’t afford to host a wedding without inflicting hurtful divisions on your loved ones, then either elope or save up for a bit longer. I would be giving these people a wide berth from now on.

YANBU, excluding your eldest son is awful. My sons GF lives with us (18 months now) and my brother and SIL treat her like family which is how it should be. It seems really cruel, and definitely not acceptable to not invite you to the full event.

So is your other son not invited at all? What bit is the younger child invited to?

You don’t have the right to demand details, but if you want them, you ask. Don’t put it on your husband.

Whatever the details are, it’s not your place to decide whether the B&Gs choices are justified anyway. I’d decline, let your husband and son go together.

Your older son is irrelevant, he’s an adult.

DH should be offended. You’re a family not a box of pick and mix.

Wow! That's absolutely awful. My DH would 100% refuse to attend at all if this happened.

That is truly shocking. Your BIL is an out and out dick.

That’s awful behaviour. You are a family of four, however that family is made that’s how it is.
I’ve been through similar but nothing as bad as this and I stopped involving them for a long long time. My dh totally stuck up for me and my children.
its horrible I hope your husband knows what the right thing to do is

The only way I can see this as acceptable is if DH and DS are the Bil”s witnesses and they plus two for the bride are the only ones there at the ceremony…
But not on not inviting your older son if he’s been part of the family for decades. I think my DH would be saying no to the invite.

I wouldn’t want to know the details I’d just be sending a no thank you response and not be involved with the BIL moving forward .

I'm going to disagree with others on one part of this - a registry ceremony is one of the limited times when it is completely reasonable to invite a few specific people without the rest of their family. Siblings, parents, and maybe grandparents is very common and often all that can fit.

Not inviting your older son to the reception is lousy unless he's well into adulthood and "in the groom's life" just means occasionally being at the same family gatherings, he lives abroad, or there is a negative relationship between the two. Unless there are extenuating circumstances it would be reasonable for you to decline your invite on that account. Your DH shouldn't miss his brother's wedding over this, though.

I could understand your DH going to the ceremony alone, but him attending any more of it when you've been sidelined, and his step-son completely ignored, would be poor behaviour.

I’d be sending my apologies, busy that day. Firstly because my child wasn’t invited, so shows how they value your child, and second that after over 20yrs, even you are not worthy to attend the ceremony. Sorry but who even does that when it’s a partner of over 2 decades?

Thank s awful behaviour! Nothing can excuse that, you are family

Personally if I was the OP I'd just turn up at the registrar office with husband and younger son (plus older son if he wants to go) and act confused if they insist you weren't invited 😂

And does DH intend on going without you, for you to make your own way there later?