Husband and son invited to wedding me only reception

[Frasierfan]

Husband came back a few weeks ago saying he had news! His brother had told him he was getting married. Delighted.

When I saw brother in law I congratulated him and he asked me how I knew. Husband wasn’t supposed to tell anyone. Husband didn’t think this applied to me.

The invitations are out. Three envelopes, for husband, younger son and me. Not one for my eldest son from previous relationship who has been in husband’s life for two decades.

I thought it was odd that we had separate envelopes. I thought they were getting married in a hotel. Then younger son opened his. It turns out they are marrying in a registry office but I am only invited to Reception. I am really pissed off and not a little insulted.

I want to know details of who is invited to actual wedding and if there’s constraints etc.

Husband won’t ask.

AIBU

Pretty shit of your husband and ds not to speak up for you. I wouldn't go at all. You know where you stand.

This.

I'm sure you're right, there must be loads of housework to get on with that would be so much more fun than 3 nights in a hotel & spa
😁😁😁

When you say that your eldest has been in your DH's life, what does that mean? And has he been in BIL's life?

You say both sons are adults, but it soon #1 20 and brought up by your DH, or 40 and only known to your DH as an adult (and not really in BIL's life)?

My brother in law invited my husband to his wedding and me not at all. This was after me being shoulder to cry on for BIL over a number of years around his difficult childhood. I’d given him free legal advice (he’s family after all) and I thought we had a good relationship. The wedding was in another country and to my great hurt and disappointment, my husband insisted on attending and wouldn’t even question his brother on it. Apparently his fiancée wanted a small wedding so no room for me. It massively damaged my marriage and we ended up having to attend relationship counselling - if I’m honest I still haven’t forgiven my husband totally and I don’t speak to my brother in law at all. He’s never even got in touch about it. I suspect it was his fiancée, despite my genuine best efforts I could tell she wasn’t keen on me so that was that. Please don’t do what I did OP and tolerate this level of disrespect. Your husband needs to ask his brother why you and your son are being excluded and needs to decline the invite - because, honestly, even if he invites you now, would you want to go?

I would be furious with DH for not asking why you are excluded from the ceremony, what a dick move. And saying 'how did tiu find out?' As if you're some random woman. I'd tell DH either he asks what their thought process is and you have a chance to resolve it gently or you will decline outright (though maybe that's what they are secretly hoping for for some reason given their rude behaviour). I absolutely wouldn't go if there isn't an excellent explanation about why they've done what they've done.

It's their wedding. It's not your big day. Why are you making it all about you and your feelings? Maybe the registry office can only take a small party? Absolutely nothing good can come from pursuing this, so let your husband and son go to the wedding, then join them at the reception and have a nice glass of champagne.

You have a husband problem

This 100%.

No, what’s “fucking embarrassing” is how rude his ignorant nob of a brother is, and the fact that your husband is going to go without his OWN WIFE. Madness. Fuck him, I’d be furious.

What a weird reaction from your DH and your BIL. I’d ask your DH if he would expect your BIL to be invited to your elder son’s future wedding and if so, would he be okay if his wife was only included in the reception and his eldest child didn’t get an invite at all? Some people need to be shown how it would feel, if roles were reversed.

If DH doesn’t get it, go silent on the topic and see if the penny drops in a few days. For some men, it takes longer for them to understand and the more you press your point, the more they will defend their position.

I would hope you all decline to go as that is no way to treat family.

Your "D"H is a fucking disgrace.

What other siblings weddings have the two of you attended? Have you both been invited to them all?

I can't believe he's booked the hotel for 3 nights too, what's your son going to do for those 3 nights, is your husband planning to exclude him for 3 days and nights?!

why are you miffed? Are they really close family ,very close friends, and you are sad because you thought you were really close, and it's someone you thought as your brother who is not inviting you?

Or are you miffed because you thought your "title" of SIL was giving you some rights, even if you don't even really know the bride and are not close to the groom?

If you start ringing around, throwing a tantrum ,demanding explanations, you will just explain to everyone why you were not invited and what a nightmare you are.
Of course it will be "fucking embarrassing:" for your poor husband! You are invited to the evening, don't go if you are miffed, but don't be so petulant and entitled

Am I the only one who would be delighted to not be invited to a wedding ceremony? 😂

Im guessing they booked the smallest room they could and splurged on the reception. 25 doesn't go very far. Bride and groom and registar drops down to 23. If the bride has few bridesmaids then they the bride and groom could pick max of 10 guests each.

Perhaps it speaks volumes about OP. Perhaps they thought she wouldn't be interested or care. Perhaps the only reasons she so desperately wants to go to the ceremony is because she hasn't been invited. Her self-importance has sustained a blow. Or perhaps not. We really don't know. And the one thing we absolutely don't know is why the BIL and his fiancee made this decision in the first place, because for some reason OP doesn't want to ask them.

100% this. I’m in a similar position.
sorry OP this is happening to you and stillshe persisted.
the v obvious exclusions really set the tone for the rest of our marriage. A lot of resentment built on my side from constant exclusions. It took a long time for DH to see them and we had a v rocky period. I’m now NC with his family and he is a mixture of LC and NC. I do think if we had nipped it in the bud at the start things may not have got so bad.
it sounds like your DH, like mine, would take the oath of least resistance.

When I got married in a registry office they had a very strict limit on numbers. we weren't allowed to have extra people standing due to fire regs, they said.

Registry office weddings are limited by numbers and they are really strict. I was allowed 8 guests. One person had to sit in the car. To have that extra person there would have cost another £400. Despite begging they wouldn't allow the one extra to stand or even look through the window!

We aren't at all wealthy so couldn't afford this. We didn't invite our brothers and sisters for this reason- to invite them all we'd have been over the limit.

You may want to know, but for what reason?

End of the day, it's a registrars office wedding , maybe 20 people max, so they have chosen immediate family. My DH chose his one brother over his sisters, I chose one sister and nephew over BIL and other sister and BIL - but the world and their wife were welcome to join us after the ceremony

So what are you going to do with said information?

Shitty that your eldest son isn’t invited OP but I am 1 of 6 and my DP is one of 5 and we are planning a registry office wedding and due to capacity we are inviting siblings only not their partners or any nieces/nephews to the actual vows as we just don’t have the room
I am unaware of any problems this has created with S/BILs but nobody is specifically excluded so I’m hoping they will see the reasoning!

Really lacking in class and etiquette, how rude. Dh would probably say he wouldn't attend and we'll see you at the reception.

Ha- I bet your DH is jealous of your invitation @Frasierfan . How nice to skip the tedious part and just turn up for dinner. I would be very happy with this. And tbf I think your eldest son is relieved not having to attend.

Just accept it. I have given up trying to understand the rationale for weddings and invitations nowadays, but one thing is certain, there is no point falling out with family members over it.

My sons are 26 and 19. My elder son does not live with us.

My Husband and younger son genuinely don’t understand why I am so upset about missing a half hour wedding ceremony when I am invited to the actual reception.