Husband and son invited to wedding me only reception

[Frasierfan]

Husband came back a few weeks ago saying he had news! His brother had told him he was getting married. Delighted.

When I saw brother in law I congratulated him and he asked me how I knew. Husband wasn’t supposed to tell anyone. Husband didn’t think this applied to me.

The invitations are out. Three envelopes, for husband, younger son and me. Not one for my eldest son from previous relationship who has been in husband’s life for two decades.

I thought it was odd that we had separate envelopes. I thought they were getting married in a hotel. Then younger son opened his. It turns out they are marrying in a registry office but I am only invited to Reception. I am really pissed off and not a little insulted.

I want to know details of who is invited to actual wedding and if there’s constraints etc.

Husband won’t ask.

AIBU

Yes, because adults don't feel left out or have hurt feelings. 🙄🙄🙄

I agree with this. My BIL is recently engaged and if he were to invite DH plus our young children, but not me I’d be very offended. If it was just DH invited due to numbers then fine.

Decline your invite. I wouldn’t create drama- just don’t go and if asked, say it’s because your other son wasn’t invited and you also couldn’t understand why your youngest son wasn’t given an invite to the wedding and you weren’t and you decided to prioritize them by saving money on a taxi and hotel like they decided how they wanted to prioritize their money.

married couples go together- it’s kids who then get an invite or not. And to not invite your eldest at least the meal is out of order

No, NOT just witnesses. DH and DS2 are invited to the ceremony.

Probably need more context

Are all siblings' partners not invited?

Were you the OW?

Do they think you will need to look after ds1?

Is ds2 your child?

I may have a different view on family - but how on Earth is one's sister in-law a mere +1?? It's his brother's wife of decades - not a recent girlfriend.

I find this way of thinking so alien.

Personally, I got married as I wanted to spend time with my wife. If I were in this position, especially from a family member, I would probably be asking why my chosen life partner has not been included.

It possibly would have been different if they'd come in advance to say "space limited etc etc", but it doesn't appear to be the case in this instance.

I would take this to be all about numbers and would not wish to create drama about it or be issuing ultimatums to DH, etc

I do think it’s shit that your DS1 is not invited to the Reception, but the registry office? Meh. They often have such restrictions. I am guessing BIL is going for a smallish wedding / can’t afford many guests?

Has BIL been in frequent close family contact with your DS1 ?

But that the capacity at the dinner/evening venue right? Not the registry office where the service is being held - they can vary form 4 to 20, often around 10. I agree with your DH and DS - the celebration is the good bit. I couldn't imagine making a fuss about attending someone's registry office wedding. Its their day not yours.

Agree, how can someone view a spouse as plus 1... ridiculous

Absolutely agree with all of this.

Do you want to go? And stay over?

I mean, 3 whole days of swimming...it's so incredibly not tempting

You could just turn up for the food then drive home.

I'd probably decline the invitation. I'm pretty sure my cushion covers will need shampooing that weekend.

I don’t think you are entitled to demand details, but the invites say it all, really.

I wouldn’t attend.

I’d be annoyed at this too OP. Surely if numbers at the registry office are the issue, it should be you and DH invited with both DS’s invited for meal/ reception. It’s bizarre that you are excluded.
I’d probably go along with it for overall family harmony but I’d be annoyed at BiL and DH for not having an issue with it. I’m petty enough to hold on to the exclusion from a ‘family’ event and return the snub at some point in the future just to show how hurtful/ inconsiderate it is

Looking at your invite are all other partners invited to the registry office?

How often does your eldest son see family? If they have invited youngest son it is off they haven’t invited eldest if they are both adults

they can invite who they want but have to expect that their may be consequences based on their actions or perceived slights. It’s an invite not a summons.
i feel it’s strange to prioritise a nephew over a SIL. In your shoes, I’d be declining the invite.
if there was an issue with numbers surely they would have communicated it with your DH.

Surely this is about registry office size? I think calm down

I'd be wondering it he wants his 'blood' relatives to the ceremonay

I would have said completely reasonable if it was your DH only invited to registry and then your whole family invited to reception. Some registry rooms are really small, capacity constrained and I can totally understand immediate family only. However, that doesn’t seem the case if your younger DS is also invited to the registry. Same for reception, if constrained for whatever reason (such as budget), I could then understand only DH or DH and yourself being invited but it’s not on to invite everyone apart from your older DS.

What is your DH going to do?

I wouldn't be declining because I wasn't asked to the ceremony, I would be declining because my son, in their lives for 2 decades, wasn't even a consideration.
The fact that his stepdad and brother are not even bothered he wasn't asked, speaks volumes.

I'm confused - why is your adult son, who is going to the ceremony, invited, but you are not? Surely it would have made more sense for your DH and you to have been going and your son going to reception only? I'd be pissed off in your situation. And also about your other son being excluded altogether.

We live 3 miles from the hotel but he has booked rooms for three nights. Apparently third night is complimentary. They are excited about playing golf there and I can swim.

🥴🥴🥴
Jesus... where do you even start with this?

So fucking rude but bil snd sil are very clearly "showing you who they are"

I'd be inclined to do the 3 day stay with your dh and put lots of massages and treatments "on the room" but not bother attending the reception.

Bear in mind OP that the reason this choice has been made might actually be about family on the bride’s side - so they can’t invite her sister’s husband of 3 months and his 7 kids from a previous relationship or the numbers will become impossible so they’re just inviting siblings and nieces/nephews and not siblings in law and step nieces/nephews.

I agree with those saying not being invited to the ceremony is fine. You don't need to know who is going so you can judge whether they are more or less worthy than you, just that numbers are limited.

I would decline if my oldest wasn't invited to the reception along with the rest of the family though, and I would change my behaviour towards them accordingly because that's making a huge statement.

I have posted the capacity of the actual wedding venue, which is used for registry office weddings. This is separate to the hotel where reception is.

My eldest son has been in the family since he was seven and BiL would know him as much as his other brother’s children who are nearer in age to elder son.

My younger son is an adult as well.

No parents are alive, Other brother is married. SiL still has a mother and has a sister. My DH says she also has a brother.

DH says it will be ‘fucking embarrassing’ if I start ringing round asking questions.