Am I a complete weirdo for contemplating moving to America?

[Frinkleg]

It’s always been an option as dh is a pilot. He’s spoken to an airline out there and would be able to secure a job with 3x the salary. We would actually be able to feel a little bit more than just comfortable.

I actually really do love the UK. I enjoy village life, British holidays, Brits are just funnier etc.

But the money is just too much of a head turner.

We could afford a gorgeous home in Connecticut with a pool.

We spend a lot of time in the states but only as holidaymakers. It would certainly be an adjustment.

of course I fear guns, American politics re female rights, I’m by no means pro Trump. The ICE raids are horrific. But we’d have some bloody money. And a nice house.

I can’t imagine the US ever feeling like home that’s the only thing.

Do it!!!! You can always go back if you don’t like it. We have the most amazing life in the US! We have a beautiful house with loads of space, both inside and out. We did rent for the first 18 months to make sure that we liked the area. Buying was super easy and we closed within 60 days! Food is pretty expensive here, but things like gas and electric are not, so it balances out ok. Everyone is so friendly! They love the accent too. We don’t live in Connecticut so I don’t know anything about the state, but you can trial it and see. We love the schools and our kids are thriving so much! They do lockdown drills etc, but thankfully there has not been anything to worry about in regards to intruders etc. Moving here is honestly the best decision we have ever made! It did take me a few months to adjust, and I was very upset at first, but I realized that I had to stop comparing it to the UK, and look at all the wonderful advantages that the move had brought to my family. The homesickness went away and I don’t miss the UK at all now.

Cost of living is much higher than UK - food, hair, nails, restaurants, clubs for kids, child care, healthcare etc so 3x salary might not feel like it.

Bloody hell OP, why would you even consider it?
And your husband is half Indian ? Bonkers.
ICE is terrifying and they’ve only just started . You think money and your husbands blue eyes will protect you?
Why in earth do you think you’re more special than the innocent people being plucked from the street and disappearing?
AND your husband entering/ exiting through airports?
So if he did get taken, and his ability to earn money is impacted, you would be absolutely fucked. You and your kids.
Extraordinary that you would willingly put yourself in such a position for a bigger house.

You could get a job in the uk then you'd have more money.

But you've already made up your mind so just do it and hope that you and dh never split up or you might find yourself separated from your children.

How many weeks holiday will your husband get?

Hmm I’m American, and I am super down on the UK right now, but I’d never, ever go back (and I’m from a blue state). It’s great until it’s you who needs the social safety net. I didn’t think I would in a million years.

I love that my children are growing up with kids from so many other countries, that they can holiday in such diverse places a short flight away, and that this place is so full of history.

I had a Green Card. I allowed it to expire. I've lived in 5 different countries. Guess which one I hated the most and never want to live/work in again?

Sounds like you have made your mind up - not sure what you want out of this thread 😂 - fwiw I have friends over there and they cant want to move back… they say it’s not all that (I don’t know as never lived there)

I’d absolutely go in your position. I just got back from a different east coast state and (even though I lived in the US in the past in what feels like another life!) I was blown away by the positivity of Americans, the lifestyle, the get up and go that so many people have that seems sadly lacking. It doesn’t surprise me you’d be better off - the statistics are scary how US salaries have gone up and up while in the UK they have completely stagnated.
i had some chances to live and work abroad when my kids were small and we didn’t take them. I really regret it now. Grab it with both hands OP. You can always come back, but the chance may not present itself again!

*sadly lacking here

Dh is a British citizen. Looks white. Even though our surname is Indian it looks British and many Brits have the exact same name.

And you think ICE gives a shit about nuance? A popular Indian name that many British people share? Does the name sound American?

Foolish

Our surname is fully Indian but it just so happens to be spelt and pronounced the same as a British surname (just a coincidence). No one assumes my surname is of Indian origin even though it is. People are always surprised Dh has Indian ancestry. I only mention this as my point os that ICE would have no reason to be racist towards my husband. He was born and raised in the UK. And so was his dad who is of Indian origin. And DH passes for white. Our surname looks British.

When it is good, US healthcare and public education are both spectacular. My daughter just got an appointment with an orthopaedic surgeon, an MRI, and physical therapy, all same or next day, all excellent. The physio spent an hour working with her and was extremely thorough and knowledgeable, nothing like the half-baked and extremely delayed physio we got on the NHS. There is a copay for some appointments, usually $25, but there is a lot of choice of providers, and I think the copay is worth it, considering the quality and availability of care.

The public schools can be terrible but they can also be utterly fantastic. The inequality is partly down to funding which is (unfairly) based on local property taxes, so there is a town in CT which spends more than $49,000 per year per student- the schools are great. A good American public school can be truly wonderful.

I don't know anyone who has a gun or who votes for Tr*mp.
I live in NY, but brought my 3 kids up in the UK.

OP you will be fine! Your husband is a pilot.

As you know they have their own immigration queue. Regardless of heritage or ethnicity they will not arrest a pilot passing through immigration.

Regardless. I am more worried about your title asking whether you’re a weirdo for thinking about moving, It sounds like you’re already mentally on the back foot. To move to any country you need a huge amount of resilience. And no amount of preparation will prepare you for the changes - it’s a huge amount of admin you won’t get, process that are baffling and lots of comparing to back home for first few years. The culture shock is what will get you not whether your Indian heritage husband passes as ‘white’ or British. Despite being a pilot.

If you’re serious about this even in short term you need to reframe your thinking and be more realistic. Think about whether you are up for the adventure whatever it brings. And properly run the numbers and then double it. I would say my husband earns double what he would earn in UK but for us - due to other costs doesn't mean we have more disposable income.

The very real threat of school shootings is one of the things that would put me off.

Depends on where in CT. Have you looked into schools? Have you been to the place and seen how deathly quiet/lively it is, especially for a SAHM? A house like that in a vibrant town would cost millions. A house like that in the country could cost as little (!) as $500k. I wouldn’t want to weather a winter in the CT countryside as a recent implant and a pilot for a husband! You sound like you’re at the musing stage. As ever, the devil is in the detail.

It`s to weird over there for me.
Its a lovely country but i just dont fit in same as japan.

You don't know whether that will continue. What would you do if you got pregnant and didn't want to have the baby? Or had an ectopic pregnancy and found that no-one would terminate it even though your life was at risk?

Have you investigated schools?

They currently have around 350 school shootings a year, and the numbers are rising. Are you comfortable with sending your children to school there?

Have you thought about what would happen if you split up from your DH? If you wanted to move back but he didn’t? How close are you to your families?

Well I would rather be dragged over coals than move to US but that's my view (and the view of many friends scrambling to leave right now) An American I met here in Latin America - full blooded at least 4th generation Texan (but without the Trumpian virus other Texans have been infected with, nor the big hat) was taken 'aside' at the airport because he has his inherited Dutch surname on his passport. One friend who is planning her move here after running an extremely successful business in Maine said she can barely afford her medication for Crohn's disease (she has been coming to our city for at least 14 years annually so no 'fly by') You do pay here of course but not at the mercy of US health care insurance providers. And kids - no way. Devil in the detail indeed ! Best of luck 💐

I OP I haven’t read through the thread but just wanted to advise mortgage rates are much higher in US and you have to factor in property taxes and homes in desirable areas may go way over asking, we are currently buying in the NY suburbs and last week a house went over by 36% near us. Look at sold prices and the “effective property taxes” rate. Where we are it’s ~ $2,000 per month on top of mortgage for a 3 bed.

Money and mansions do not necessarily bring happiness

I did it, though a different state. We have family in CT. Glastonbury beside Bradley airport is lovely. Highly unlikely re. gated community, but the area is so safe I’d never need it. Schools there are great. It’s kind of a yuppie area. It depends what you want in life, but there’s definitely a lot to do there and it has a very welcoming community.