Am I a complete weirdo for contemplating moving to America?

[Frinkleg]

It’s always been an option as dh is a pilot. He’s spoken to an airline out there and would be able to secure a job with 3x the salary. We would actually be able to feel a little bit more than just comfortable.

I actually really do love the UK. I enjoy village life, British holidays, Brits are just funnier etc.

But the money is just too much of a head turner.

We could afford a gorgeous home in Connecticut with a pool.

We spend a lot of time in the states but only as holidaymakers. It would certainly be an adjustment.

of course I fear guns, American politics re female rights, I’m by no means pro Trump. The ICE raids are horrific. But we’d have some bloody money. And a nice house.

I can’t imagine the US ever feeling like home that’s the only thing.

You could learn a language. Spanish is very easy to learn to a conversational standard.

If I didn't have children, and it would be for a specified length of time - yes I would go for it.

But with kids? No. It was hard enough making the decision to move house, uprooting them, and that was within the same postcode! I know Connecticut isn't known for being particularly right wing, but honestly I genuinely think it's a risk I am not willing to take.

What about the far east

with the US - have you actually done the maths? No point in living a big house if you can’t even afford dental, doctor or hospital care, or schools.

If you like the area and you like your time there why not

my family live there and just getting on with day to day life like we are here not everything is impacted by having a mad president (though my dad has postponed travelling but it’s not essential travel)

the US has the best and the worse of the western world life can be great many of my family have a really good standard of living (not so much you younger generations and facing same issues as here)

I personally never feel at home there so not moved over there (much to my dads amazement) but I can certainly understand the appeal

Personally it would be Canada although I'm not sure I could cope with their winters.

I can only speak for myself but absolutely no way. I don’t even want to go there on holiday. You sound like you’re convinced though.

You couldn’t pay me any amount of money to raise my children in America in the current climate. But ultimately, it’s whether the surface/material things such as house & money are enough of a sway for you personally.

Many, many people live very happily in the USA. No reason why you can’t be one of them.
Go for it, if it doesn’t work out you can always sell up and move back.

Oh I love Connecticut! I grew up in Boston. My sisters still live there. I’d go for it - you can always return! Give it five years to really settle in. It’s liberal in the east and while country politics are dire you won’t have much trouble in affluent suburbia. What would YOU do? Your kids are your in to the community. Where I grew up it was unusual to go to private school as state were very good, but I guess it depends where exactly you are. Get volunteering if you won’t be working. There’s probably an English ex-pat community there too - my mother joined a society which was great for meeting people.
By the way I think the education system there makes much more sense than here. Non exam based, broader curriculum until 18, leaving options open, and when you apply to uni you get a yes or no, not this anxiety inducing ‘conditional’ offer. It is of course American-centric, but that’s to be expected. Good luck!

In a blue state I probably would. I spent my childhood roughly equally divided between the States and the UK and hands down the States was a better place to be a kid (if you have money). DH recently turned down a job offer in Palo Alto because even though on the surface it looked like more money, once you accounted for the obscene cost of living we'd have been no better off. That's really area dependent though, and Connecticut is lovely.

You can always come back......

We own a house in the states, but in SW Florida - I wish it was in Connecticut. I’d definitely consider living there, but not with school age kids as I’d be too worried they’d get shot at school.

Its a great opportunity. If I was younger and had the opportunity, I would do it. Don't let the nay sayers put you off.
Yes there is crime and guns etc but its getting that way in the UK now as well.
Go for it!!

@HRTQueen

my family live there and just getting on with day to day life like we are here not everything is impacted by having a mad president (though my dad has postponed travelling but it’s not essential travel)

See that was my view too. Day to day you’re just getting on with things. Not like a feel a seismic shift every time a different party here enters government. Things feel politically uncertain here. May as well look on in horror from my pool!

Money makes a huge difference to comfort and happiness. Useless to pretend otherwise. Do the calculations once you consider healthcare, retirement, and education (yourself and any children).

However, moving to a country that is incredibly hostile to immigrants as the country shifts towards a dictatorship is risky.

If you are white - you probably won’t be targeted by ice. However, is your social and political history clean? Are you at risk of being denied entry for anti-Trump expressions (memes, jokes etc)? Are you ok meeting such restrictions on your expression going forward once you do live there?

Do you have kids? Are you comfortable them living under such restrictions? Would they live well under such restrictions? Or would they join a protest / say the wrong things / post memes online. Even if you every intent of doing everything by the book - are you confident you won’t make mistakes?

For every legal immigrant targeted by ice there’s no doubt a very large number going about their lives fine. But that risk is there. The South Korean workers currently suing ice had visas. Other cases have been legitimate minor paperwork errors that should result in a fine - not incarceration in conditions that violate human rights.

My country is far from perfect in our treatment of immigrants and asylum seekers. We have violated human rights, and there are documented cases of admin errors leading to illegal deportations. Our govt has not been perfect in their response. But Trump/ICE is next level.

I would be gone without a doubt. Both countries have their problems but, if life there is not good, you can always come back.
If you don't try, you'll never know and will always wonder if you missed a big opportunity

That house looks like the ‘Home Alone’ house! I’d go for it. America is a big country with very safe enclaves. If you can afford an affluent lifestyle with healthcare you’ll be fine. I’d go for it. If you don’t like it you can come home - DH will get a job anywhere.

@Frinkleg Brit is US Here. Dare I say it. Connecticut is lovely, I was West Coast and now East Coast. You don’t live day to day thinking about guns much like I didn’t think about knife crime day to day living in London. And you won’t in Connecticut either. Truly.

it sounds like you’ll have decent Health Insurance (although always something that gets denied), access to decent public schools or private schools, guaranteed income. Although COL is three times that of UK it feels and so salaries account for that.

Don’t get swayed by the big house yet. You need to look at interest rates and property taxes which are huge. But your quality of life could be fantastic. Access to nature and the sea.

it’s a personal decision only you can answer what will work for your family, It’s not an easy move and can be a culture shock. So it could take a year or two to settle properly, I would start joining more specialist FB pages with people who can answer all your questions

MN is weird about America. Probably because people spend too much time reading about Trump and don’t visit anywhere outside Florida.

The reality is day to day life for most people is the same as it was under Biden, or Obama.

Assuming you can get the visas, and your DH’s health insurance is good, I would go for it. It will be an adventure. And if you don’t like it you can come home in a few years, with plenty of time for your DC to get re-integrated into the British education system before GCSEs.

No, it's really not getting that way.

@Frinkleg Sorry but I really really wouldn't. Would somewhere else be a n option? Australia? Canada?

I have relatives in America and they hate it. One has recently had treatment for cancer and had to sell her home to pay for treatment. She lost her insurance when she was made redundant.
Another has a really well paid job but wants to move away as she hates seeing what is happening there.

I’m American and there is no bloody way I’d ever move back. 😂

It sounds like your motivation is purely financial. Have you actually looked into the cost of living? Because it’s much more expensive there. Never mind the cost of healthcare - a biopsy cost me $1000 with insurance as a student with a student discount way back in the noughties! I’ve just gone through a year of cancer treatment and I’ve never been more grateful for the NHS. My treatment (the actual drugs themselves, not the appointments or the cannulas or the nurses gloves for blood draws or the CT, MRI, PET scans and the 5 surgeries), literally just the drugs, costs $207,000 in the US. Yes, which would have been largely but not entirely covered by insurance - assuming I could afford it. But just the thought of that cost outside of a system of universal healthcare. That’s a mortgage free house!

Anyway, things like food shopping and eating out and housing costs are stupidly expensive. A starter can be $30 at a normal family restaurant. Or $50 for a main. x family of 4, it’s a lot. I have several friends who are estate agents. Normal unremarkable teeny houses with 3 bedrooms rent for $2500-3000. That’s considerably more than my mortgage on a massive 5 bedroom house with garden and horse paddocks here (£1600/$2100). My mum and stepdad rent a 2 bedroom apartment for $3000 a month plus service charges. It is near a beach but it’s definitely not luxury.

Just do your sums and make sure it’s worth it with all the associated extra costs before you get in over your head.

Go for it! A close friend lived in LA for three years with the kids, loved it. Another friend lives in New York State, with the kids, loves it.

It’s not a prison sentence. You can come back if you don’t get on with it. However you need to give it a couple of years at least.

We’ve done the maths with the help of an online calculator and we are certainly better off in the US.

The violent crime statistics are nothing like the same in the UK vs US. To say it is approaching the same is disingenuous. I wouldn't live there but you aren't me!