Am I a complete weirdo for contemplating moving to America?

[Frinkleg]

It’s always been an option as dh is a pilot. He’s spoken to an airline out there and would be able to secure a job with 3x the salary. We would actually be able to feel a little bit more than just comfortable.

I actually really do love the UK. I enjoy village life, British holidays, Brits are just funnier etc.

But the money is just too much of a head turner.

We could afford a gorgeous home in Connecticut with a pool.

We spend a lot of time in the states but only as holidaymakers. It would certainly be an adjustment.

of course I fear guns, American politics re female rights, I’m by no means pro Trump. The ICE raids are horrific. But we’d have some bloody money. And a nice house.

I can’t imagine the US ever feeling like home that’s the only thing.

Of course you can take figures from Google. It's not Google themselves making the figures, is it, it's respectable sources - assuming you choose to quote from respectable sources, which I do. Here is what I posted on another thread:

On the contrary, the OECD data is the only set that comes up with those figures. I read many sources in order to quote the figures that I did.

Action for Children UK is very firm that 31% of UK children live in poverty.
https://www.actionforchildren.org.uk/blog/where-is-child-poverty-increasing-in-the-uk/

The following respectable groups agree that the figure is 31%: The Joseph Rowntree Foundation, the UK government, the Child Poverty Action Group, the Institute for Fiscal Studies, and more. I am not sure why the OECD data is so different.

The BBC reports the 31% figure as being correct: So does the Guardian. The figure is widely accepted - just Google it.

Media sample:
https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/cx2g03ykxeko

The US:
United Way says 12% https://unitedwaynca.org/blog/child-poverty-in-america/

Gov census says 16.3% https://www.census.gov/library/stories/2023/12/poverty-rate-varies-by-age-groups.html

Children International agrees with the 16.3%: https://www.children.org/global-poverty/global-poverty-facts/facts-about-poverty-in-usa

Annie Casey Foundation says 16%: https://www.aecf.org/topics/child-poverty

I discounted the OEDC data when I saw how wildly different it was from all the other sources on UK and US child-poverty rates, and that no other sources seem to tally with it. It seems pretty accepted that the UK rate is 31% and the US rate is 16% approx. I did wonder if the OECD had an agenda, considering how no other sources seem to replicate its data.

You can't compare figures from two completely different sources, no matter how reputable each source is when taken individually. They will use different definitions and have different methodologies.

Yes, of course, but given that I'm not a researcher or going to go into it at that level, I take the figures that all those reputable organisations I mention above accept as true. The expert consensus is that the child poverty rate is 31% in the UK and 16% in the US.

If you aren't going to make the effort to check that your figures are actually comparable to each other, then don't make the claim in the first place.

I posted the figures that expert organisations across the board accept as true, and they all match up. 31% for the UK and 16% for the US.

I even said that I did not include the OECD figures because they were wildly different from the accepted ones.

So I don't know what you're talking about. I did the exact opposite of what you say I did.

The figures may be reputable individually, but that doesn't mean that they can be compared to each other.

It's like comparing vehicle efficiencies, with one vehicle measured in MPG and the other in km/L, testing one of them at motorway speeds and the other in start-stop traffic. Such figures may be perfectly accurate individually (unless it's a VW) but they're not comparable.

I don't know how I can make it any plainer: The two countries measure poverty differently. The UK has a fairly simple measure: household income below 60% of the median (https://commonslibrary.parliament.uk/research-briefings/sn07096). The US has 48 thresholds it uses,and the link to them is broken at the moment - thanks to the Trump-Epstein shutdown (https://www.census.gov/topics/income-poverty/poverty/guidance/poverty-measures.html)

You cannot compare two different measures, you have to be measuring the same thing.

Out of all the states on offer, Connecticut is one of the better options in your situation.

Deciding factors if it were me would be: how will it impact my children? Your oldest would be starting secondary school in a couple of years. Can you work if you want / need to? How does the political situation impact us?

Do not be seduced by a bigger house. There are all sorts of unexpected costs, even with good health insurance. And there are fewer employment protections and less generous annual leave arrangements generally than UK. Would you need to spend all your holiday entitlement visiting family back in the UK?

Er….the Sandy Hook school shooting happened in Connecticut. Not sure their gun laws are restrictive enough.

I wouldn't go, solely due to the worry every day of my children being gunned down in school.

Things to consider if it's a long term move -
What is the situation visa wise? Will you be dependant on your husbands visa? What happens if you were to split up? Would you be turfed out? What about the kids visas? Can they go to college there and have you factored in college fees? Would they have to leave when they're no longer dependents, despite having grown up in the states?

My main decider would be the employment contract as I can't fathom moving to a country based off a job if potentially giving up so many employment rights. I'd want to ensure similar levels of benefits and job protection which I understand are less common in US.
What's the point in a larger house and more money if you don't really get to enjoy it because you only have 10days off a year and can be let go much more easily and with less notice/protection?

(Are you also planning on having children and is paternity leave a factor for you? And other related childcare costs?)

It's always obvious when someone has experience of living in the US and when they don't in one of these threads...

Yes politics here are nuts at the moment, however if it's the US vs the UK right now I choose to scream into the void. Being a union pilot in Connecticut is absolutely, 100% nothing like some of the scenarios people are outlining. If it's one of the majors like United that is very well compensated with excellent benefits but beware that it's for a reason. It is a VERY stressful job especially with the current FAA and ATC situation. However unlike some jobs, while the schedule is difficult it is rigidly adhered to. Gun violence in New England is nothing like people imagine (very low) and you really don't need to live in a gated enclave as most of the housing is older before neighbourhoods like that were built. You will pay massive property taxes though, and a state income tax. Those lovely services and schools do not come cheaply. Generally speaking 2x your UK income in US$ is as close to equivalent as you can estimate, so 3x, while nice, is not quite as huge as you imagine. So do keep that in mind. However in most of CT you will have a very nice quality of life. It will be practically twee in a lot of the suburbs; your Nextdoor will be endless arguments about petty local natters and, lord save you, drama from the town pickleball court.

@Frinkleg - I had a similar decision about 10 - 15 years ago

Decided not. It was East coast short commutable to NYC but nice area.

In the end - the higher salary didn't cover as much as we thought. Also - if there indefinitely and DC wanted to come to UK to university - full overseas fees to be paid ( or indeed big fees in US) - I didn't want to permanently relocate. Nor did I want transatlantic trips to visit DC or other family.

I think in the end it was a gut feeling , I like to visit the US , I love many places I know there - I don't want to live there and a bigger house doesn't cut the mustard ( for me. ) I can justify all ways round with politics or gun laws or whatever - it was a gut feeling - I prefer the UK with a smaller house. That would not be everyone's choice. It was ours. If your feeling is do it - then do it. Just a thought from one who thought about it.

A point of order about the (appalling, awful, tragic) Sandy Hook shooting: Adam Lanza’s mother bought him the guns. He didn’t just go and buy them. It wasn’t like Uvalde where thanks to Texas law the shooter was able to buy them as soon as he turned 18.

the data on gun violence is clear though: New England is the safest part of the US and it’s not even close.

To my knowledge you cannot claim medicaid unless a greencard holder and that takes many years to achieve.

I have been in the greencard process alone for 3 years, it's not fast.

I absolutely do not get the appeal of a big house to rattle around in and a pool with tiny kids to stress over. Family, friends and community are much more valuable.