Am I a complete weirdo for contemplating moving to America?

[Frinkleg]

It’s always been an option as dh is a pilot. He’s spoken to an airline out there and would be able to secure a job with 3x the salary. We would actually be able to feel a little bit more than just comfortable.

I actually really do love the UK. I enjoy village life, British holidays, Brits are just funnier etc.

But the money is just too much of a head turner.

We could afford a gorgeous home in Connecticut with a pool.

We spend a lot of time in the states but only as holidaymakers. It would certainly be an adjustment.

of course I fear guns, American politics re female rights, I’m by no means pro Trump. The ICE raids are horrific. But we’d have some bloody money. And a nice house.

I can’t imagine the US ever feeling like home that’s the only thing.

That's a bit broad-brush. White and middle class I am indeed, but I am also v. gay and live next door to a Trump supporter who bristles with guns (apparently - I've never ben in his home). We get on fine in spite of everything and bond over my cat who rather hurtfully prefers him to me. Not everyone is as rabid as social media makes people out to be, fortunately.

Are you seriously having a laugh..you have 3 young kids..and taking them to that gun ridden shit hole..give your head a shake..my ex husband lives there and is a trump supporter but still would not recommend living there..he has his own businesses there but nah he said he will eventually be back in the UK out of there..he wouldn't bring kids up there if he had a choice.. and he certainly wouldn't bring them out of the UK to schools in America

Depends on whether you been there/ lived there before, and know how the people are and how the life generally is in the USA. Apart from the current situation, its mostly a very conservative country, cliquey and class based - and very, very racist. Overall, people are lovely, but they are very naïve and childish, got strange sense of humour and in many ways are complete aliens to anyone not raised in the US.

Plus - medical insurance, you really need to have a good one or you stuffed. You need to understand how it works and accept the way it is. No insurance - basically, no treatment.

Pay is generally much better than here but they don't have any employment laws so you can come to work on Monday and be told you are sacked - no notice, no redundancy pay, nothing.

Houses are huge but these great cheap houses are usually in quite remote areas, you will need to use to drive everywhere.

And, of course, guns. Shootings, every day, and school shooter drills. For me, this would be the main reason not to go there.

Frinkleg:
so would you expect to buy or rent?
I assume you drive, Are you hoping to be a SAHM or could his visa allow you to work?
How would you like to arrange childcare if you're working?

Is this Quora estimate of your husband's paid vacation time (2 wks/yr) what he's seen in the contract offer?

I assume you've focused your home searches already in "good" public school districts

Has your calculator accounted for these things:
Annual Property taxes
Dental treatment for 5 people
Costs to insure and run 2 cars average each 11,300 miles/year.

the food in supermarkets is horrible - all mass produced meat and cheese. even in New York and Brooklyn where I thought it would be better.
I won't even visit there now.
apart from all the med insurance you need and cost of education.
of course just my view but honestly I know brits there now - stuck with post doc visa problems and they regret being there.
(and even educated people have guns!!)
i know it feels mad here but worse there

About $5000/year seems to be median property tax in CT. So that would be kind of like having a council tax bill in Band G in Cambridge right now. I imagine much higher property taxes in the best public school districts in CT.

Theres no reason why you couldn’t come back if you didn’t settle there? My cousin moved there 10 plus years ago, he’s in Oregon, absolutely loves the outdoors, the space, the house he can afford, he misses some things about the UK but not enough to come back. He can’t stand Trump but the good elements outweigh the bad for him. In your position, I think I’d go.

This is certainly not true everywhere, my kids are required to take at least 3 years of language in HS (14-18), learn real science and have taken a multitude of history classes and classes about the world including one that required learning every single country in the world and its capital and also one where they learned about the origins of languages around the world. Evolution as science will pretty much only be taught in a private religious school so parents are paying money to avoid being taught real facts

My goodness! Some of the replies here! It really shows how polarized people’s news sources are!

If you have good health insurance you’ll get much better healthcare than you will in the UK.

Seems like you have your heart set on going, so go.

Personally, you couldn't pay me enough to go to the US right now. I would also hate to live in a house that big, you would need more than full-time hours just to clean it. Heating, electricity, taxes and homeowners-insurance would also be through the roof. Your husband higher salary would likely be eaten up with all your extra living costs.

There is also the fact that the US is car country. Walking and/or biking anywhere is dangerous and difficult, as the country is designed to be traversed by cars exclusively.

Yes $5k sounds low to me - I'm sure it would be much higher in any town that the OP is going to want to live in. My property tax recently hit $13k here in a nice school district in Maine...

My mortgage payment is less than my tax payment at this point...

I was thinking more that I don’t want them shot.

I’ve just come back from a 2 week holiday in America. Definitely couldn’t live there!

Oh you sweet summer child!

I’m a Brit living in the US. It is absolutely true that the cost of living here is higher than in the UK, but it is NOWHERE NEAR three times higher. And don’t forget that a salary that’s 3x higher would be even higher on a net basis as taxes are usually lower (though this varies by state).

Are you stark raving bonkers is the first cab out of my rank.

Being a pilot with, currently unpaid air traffic controllers is likely an uninsurable event.

I won't even go into the whole political state of affairs. The army, ICE, having to give your social media up for screening on a visa application.

Hell would literally have to freeze over for me to contemplate a layover.

I met an American couple in Amsterdam a few days ago. They fear for their own rights when going back to the US and they are 3rd generation African American democrats.

Oh and the guns.

What about if you have private healthcare in the uk? Like for like. You can’t compare private health to national health.

Don’t forget to put your eggs in the fridge 😁

Looks right up it's own arse.

Give me a charming 2 bed cottage on the English countryside over that any day.

In an ideal scenario that would be the case. For most people life it’s about hard graft, putting as much as they can into an occupational pension and preparing for the future. The way things are going in the U.K. there are no guarantees the NHS will be there for anything other than AE and life threatening illnesses.
I am a realist and risk aware and adverse.
How long would it take to sell the large wooden constructed house? What would happen if there was a marriage breakdown? Would the OP be able to take her children back to the U.K. and restart her life there?
Please OP…before you take the jump, do your homework and fully understand what you’re doing and your exit plan if it doesn’t work out.

If you and your DH decide to go for it, I sincerely wish you well and hope everything works out for you. ❤️

The main thing you have to realize is that now, unlike during the 1st Trump Administration (or any other), you can and will be removed from the country for no other stated reason than that you have criticized the current government. It's happened repeatedly, and no residency status short of actual citizenship has protected people. And generally it's been done one of two ways; either you're immediately removed with no chance to pack, make arrangements etc. Or conversely, they hold you in an immigrant detention center for many days.

That doesn't mean you shouldn't do it; there are lots of countries where that is the case. But it's something to consider.

And also, you don't have to have made the comments after arriving in the country. Make sure that your text messages, social media profiles etc are completely clean of political content. US customs has the right to check your phone when you arrive.

The same priced house does not mean you can afford it. Many things are way more expensive in the states.

OP, I moved from the UK to the US 18 years ago. I'm in a very blue state and I do love it here. There are many, many fabulous things about the place.

However, I must sound a note of caution. Because you have kids, you can get trapped in the States, and that is a really big thing to be aware of. If the US becomes the place where the children are deemed to be habitually resident, if you and your husband divorce then you won't even be able to take them out of the state without his permission, let alone the country.

If you were to split up in the first year or two of being in the US, this might not be an issue, since they are UK born with UK parents. However, if you ended up staying for a few years, and your husband ends up loving it, you could potentially get trapped. What then happens is the kids turn 18 and you might not be bound by a custody agreement anymore, but their lives and friends are all in the US, so they don't want to leave, and then they find a spouse, and then the grandchildren are here, too. Point is, if you stay here for a few years, you might end up never really being able to return home. I have seen this dynamic play out in the many people I know who have lived in the US for years.

Marital breakdown abroad and international child-custody battles are serious issues. I moved to the US for my American-born, British-raised husband, who wanted to go back there, and I was blissfully ignorant. Had I known then what I know now, I would not have done it. I just didn't realise what a serious decision it was. As it happens, we ended up not having kids, but I didn't know then that we wouldn't.

Just some food for thought.

P.S. Ignore the febrile media and some of the outlandish posts on here. I live in Massachusetts where we have much better maternity benefits than the UK and people who are caring for a loved one can get up to three months off in a calendar year at 80 percent of their salary, and your employer must hold your job. I don't know what a PP is talking about regarding the food; we have beautiful food here in Boston. Gorgeous fresh seafood, beautiful fruits and veg, and the US is the home of great beef. That PP has also clearly never heard of Wholefoods. Abortion and contraception rights are not under threat here, and the healthcare is outstanding. I also don't recognise what someone is saying about needing to top up their health insurance. Most employers offer great plans for less than BUPA costs. Where you live in the States really matters. If you come to a sensible state - i.e. a blue one - you'll be fine. And believe it or not, the vast majority of the population does not get shot at school, or anywhere else.