Am I a complete weirdo for contemplating moving to America?

[Frinkleg]

It’s always been an option as dh is a pilot. He’s spoken to an airline out there and would be able to secure a job with 3x the salary. We would actually be able to feel a little bit more than just comfortable.

I actually really do love the UK. I enjoy village life, British holidays, Brits are just funnier etc.

But the money is just too much of a head turner.

We could afford a gorgeous home in Connecticut with a pool.

We spend a lot of time in the states but only as holidaymakers. It would certainly be an adjustment.

of course I fear guns, American politics re female rights, I’m by no means pro Trump. The ICE raids are horrific. But we’d have some bloody money. And a nice house.

I can’t imagine the US ever feeling like home that’s the only thing.

Also, OP, I get five weeks' holiday from work, plus the many bank holidays. Don't believe everything you read. And with your husband having a good job as a pilot, you could likely have a really great life here. He's quite likely to end up earning a lot more in the States. The only thing to be wary of is the child issue in the event of a break-up, and of your kids eventually never wanting to go back if they stay here long enough.

It's more hyperbole, OP. If you're in the country legally, it's fine. And I recently entered the States. No one looked at my phone, even though I only hold a green card and am not a citizen.

Money doesn’t buy happiness and the grass is not always greener on the other side. Any country that allows guns with no free healthcare is a No for me

There are way too many school shootings- one would have already been one too many- but really, statistically the chances of being affected by one are very low.

Haven't RTFT, so not sure if it's been mentioned yet - be aware if your DH / you get a green card and then move back to the UK, you will still be required to file (and possibly pay) taxes in the US and possibly reporting of assets until you go through a formal, expensive legal process to get rid of the green card. Just something to keep in mind if this isn't intended to be a permanent move, the US owns your ass til you divorce it.

Also, you need to be prepared to be able to live in the US long term should things go belly up. If you and DH split and no longer agree where the kids should live, you may have to continue living there until your children are grown - even if you don't want to. If custody is in dispute, that can sometimes also mean being prevented from traveling home with the kids even for a holiday, potentially for years. Any agreements you make with your DH about contingencies won't hold up in court if either of you change your mind later. So determine whether you're ok with those worst case scenarios, and have a plan in yourself as to how you'd deal with them. Then make your decision.

None of this means don't do it, but go in with your eyes wide open. And make sure you can work if you need to.

I've worked for enough American companies and have spent enough time there. Thanks.

Working for a US company and going there on business trips is in no way comparable to living there. Health insurance is heavily subsidised by your employer, and when you retire, Medicare kicks in, which is like an NHS. If you knew America like a resident does, you'd know that. And the actual care is miles better than the NHS. If you're in the country legally then there is no issue with being kicked out. And you can get fired in the UK just as easily as in the US. Finally, each state differs wildly in their various protections. You can't look at what's available federally. My state has maternity benefits that are vastly better than the UK's for example. Again, this is the sort of thing you wouldn't know just by going there on business trips.

Yes, to your last point, I just helped put together the employee handbook for our company which operates in just 3 states in New England. Because the states all offer such different PFML options (which in one state are changing in 2026), we added about 15 pages to the handbook just talking about the various benefits available and how they integrate with our company's PTO, leave of absence, STD and military leave policies. I can't imagine managing this for a company in all 50 states.

We are also currently doing our open enrollment, and the benefits guide is 62 pages long...

There are far more US bank holidays than UK ones, but you don't necessarily get them all. It is up to your employer whether you get Presidents' Day, for example. Obviously, for a pilot, there is an element of shift work, so there will be no expectation of, for example, getting the day after Thanksgiving off.

Two weeks annual leave is the starting benefit, but you can usually buy extra weeks, and your employer may be happy to let you have time off unpaid. In any case, you can qualify for additional weeks quite quickly, In the UK, you tend to just get an extra day added on each year. If you are in negotiations for a prestigious role, you set your vacation requirements before you sign the contract - establish an expectation of 5 or 6 weeks.

Your green card 'expires' after two years of not living in the US. It doesn't sound like this is a green card situation, though, until at least 5 years have past. You are unlikely to owe US taxes in the UK due to tax treaties at this level of income.

You've been taking the tablets

You can definitely do it for a year and see how it goes. There's nothing quite like living and working in a different country. My main worry would be kids and making sure they went to good, safe schools. Also, getting kids to see family.

I would say it sure feels safer living in the UK... if you're well off you can compensate for some of these things

You are still required to file even if you owe nothing, which tends to cost money for specialist accountants every year if your financial situation is in any way not very simple. IRS page says nothing about green card expiry, but I do know people who have gone to the expense of getting rid of it legally to free themselves so I would gather it's worth it.

DH was a US citizen. He and his siblings are in various stages of divorcing the US because of the ridiculous financial constraints if you live outside the US - ie not being able to operate a small business effectively, or if you become a signee on your employers accounts your company then having to report that account to the States. It cost us NZD$10k to get rid. Worth every dollar, but what other country makes you literally buy your way out or extorts you / treats you like a traitor for leaving? It's nuts, and something to be aware of if OP or their children want to pursue life in the US. Again - politely - the US will own your ass.

They also make you face the flag when renouncing your citizenship, which is psychotic.

Just checked - green card expiry does not remove your tax and account reporting obligations to the US. It's fairly complicated and you'll need a specialist to determine your status and obligations upon return to the UK.

Again, if OP goes for a year, no problem, if they stay for longer or pursue green card / citizenship it's something to be aware of. Not a reason not to go, but go in with eyes wide open.

Your green card definitely lapses after two years of non-entry.

As for needing specialist accountants, I used TurboTax, and you could even have the $70 fee offset against taxes.

I did choose to be a "US citizen for tax purposes" for at least 5 years after leaving the US. It was very handy for child tax credits and US stimulus payments. I remember getting $2500 from Uncle Sam for doing absolutely nothing, thanks to my five children.

Your card does, but it does not affect your tax filing obligations. Those are two separate things.

And yes it can be great in certain situations. In many others it can be awful. Ours was a choice between paying a specialist accountant every year or our kids sports fees. We also couldn't utilize full services at our bank, and DH's career progression was being hindered by his citizenship. My SIL is effectively prevented from operating her own business while she is a US citizen living abroad.

It varies so wildly, and yes - we got Covid stimulus cheques, which paid nicely for the extortionate renunciation fee. Meanwhile a colleague is in the middle of a huge legal battle with the IRS over hundreds of thousands in penalty fines because she tried to do the right thing but didn't come into compliance with tax obligations in the correct way. I'm glad it worked out for you, for many it's a millstone around the neck, and for some it ruins their lives. It is smart to know what the US expects and how that may affect you down the line, BEFORE you take that step.

And ah, Turbo Tax. Great if you're in compliance with a simple situation, but if like the vast majority of US expats, accidentals (US citizens who don't know they're citizens) and a large number of green card holders, you weren't aware of your tax filing / account reporting obligations and you just go hey go, now I know I'll file a usual tax return via Turbo Tax, you may find yourself in very very hot water with the IRS - to the tune of potentially hundreds of thousands of dollars in penalties even if you owe nothing to the US, never owed them anything, will never owe them anything, and didn't cheat them out of anything at all. We thought this was scare mongering until it happened to someone we know. Not a criminal, not a tax cheat, simply caught in an unjust and incredibly complex system that treats people who leave the US as traitors of the worst kind.

I cannot stress this enough to anyone reading who is a US expat or green card holder and you have not been filing taxes or FBARs - do NOT do this yourself. You have to use streamlined foreign offshore procedures to come into compliance without penalties and fines. If your situation is in any way complex (eg self employed, you have trusts or companies) get a US tax attorney to advise.

We weren't particularly simple. Alternative Minimum Tax, carry over and all that.

Deloitte did our taxes in the US, so we followed their lead.

And that's excellent - you had professional help, you knew what to expect and were in a good position to do it yourself. Importantly it sounds like you knew about and remained compliant after leaving.

Our situation was very different. US citizen abroad since childhood, no idea of tax filing or FBAR at all (IRS fully admits they don't make expats aware of their obligations) until many years into adulthood. The shit can hit the fan in a very big way if you DIY tax in that situation, which covers the majority of US expats and a large number of green card holders.

My goal in stating this is that OP should know to expect this, and factor that into the costs of moving. Be prepared. It can be life-ruining if you aren't.

We have filed many years of returns from abroad, including having been landlords and being self-employed, and it wasn’t any more complex than filing from within the US.

We did always make a point of filing FBARs, both when living outside the US and within it. The penalties for not filing are indeed very scary.

Again, see above. The real issues come from not being aware of obligations, and accidentally falling out of or - in our case - never being in compliance, and faced with an incredibly expensive process to become and - at times - maintain compliance. It also varies based on your other tax jurisdiction, as treaties differ between the countries. Eg in NZ & Australia your retirement savings are counted as a PFIC, and taxed accordingly, because the US doesn't recognize it as a legitimate pension scheme.

If you have always been in compliance you really have no idea the cost or stress involved of finding out what the US can do to you as a result. All I am saying to OP is to be aware this is a possible consequence of US residency, if you're happy with it that's fine, but please for the love of everything remain compliant after you leave or pursue the legal process to get rid of your obligations.

The FBAR penalties are ridiculous, but the filing is no more complicated than the old report of foreign bank accounts.

My DCs all do their FBARs although I think DH has to remind them each year. The boys managed to neglect their Select Service registration and have now aged out.

One piece of tax advice I would give, is not for both of you to get citizenship if you ever plan to return to the UK. I did not do this and am now the happy recipient of all DH's retirement money. It's my running away fund (you'll find me in Portofino).

It's not as complex if you are compliant, and have sane finances / your tax jurisdictions match up well. It's a minefield if you're not compliant or have structures in your other country the US doesn't recognize.

I've met so many people - green card holders included - who believe their obligations end when they leave the US and no longer earn US money. That is not the case. Again it's just something for OP to be aware of.

100% agree with having one non-citizen in the relationship. Gives you a backstop.