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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Husband hangs up call when I ask him to do his basic chores. Am I asking too much?!

197 replies

Biosblbay · 12/11/2025 19:39

been with my husband 10 years, married 1, had a house and two children aged 3 and a baby 4 months old. I am on maternity leave but of course I do absolutely everything from when the kids wake up to when they go to bed, this includes most night duties with the baby, feeding the kids, washing bottle constantly, and also food shopping, appointments, arranging dates out, arranging seeing family, remembering to flea dogs, feed dogs, never ending laundry, all house work which is pretty much daily like dishwasher 2 times a day, hoovering, mopping etc and occasionally do breakfasts and lunches for my husband if I get the time. On top of this I am I committee member for my sons nursery to arrange fundraising so at the moment I am doing this for Christmas. This doesn’t include me trying to do things for myself, bath, do my hair which takes me forever, go gym, squeeze a day a month to see a friend but my husbands duties are work, get home, maybe work some more, pick up dog poos in garden, change gas bottles once’s every 2/3 months, bins, pay bills and anything DIY. Please bear in mind I also will be going back to work full time (38 hours per week) but currently on maternity leave, but I do contribute to bills and food shopping so I’m not exactly a stay at home mum.

My husband is on his way home and I feel like I need other people to tell him that it is not acceptable to hang up on me when I remind him to pick up the dog poos that haven’t been done in about 5 days. My mum lives in the annexe at the back on our garden and comes over most days to help me while I pick my son up from pre school so I don’t have to take the baby and she told me today that the poos are really bad and she had to dodge them.

my husbands excuse is that it’s too dark to do it when he gets home or too tired which I think is a very poor excuse, so a few weeks back I actually bought him a nice warm hat with a very bright light so he can’t blame the dark anymore.

durning the phone call I had to explain to him why he needs to do it today for him to say he will do it in the morning… my husband tends to do this very often when he says “I’ll do it tomorrow” and 9/10 doesn’t get done to be left another day. Because of this I have to go on and on quite a bit to which it ends up me moaning and over explaining to which ends up in a row then he either gets nasty, shouts, or as it is on the phone, hang up.

I think he is very unreasonable and very nasty at times not realising that me asking for the bear minimum isn’t a bad thing, I just want him to be able to do dog poos and bins every day without me having to ask but when I do it always ends up in an argument.

Can anyone please explain to my husband that I am not being unreasonable here! It is driving me crazy!! Yes he works, yes he is stressed but he forgets when I go back to work in a few months I have to work and do everything else!!

OP posts:
Biosblbay · 12/11/2025 19:45

forgot to say …. All I want for him is to just say “yes I will get it done as soon as I have had dinner” without getting funny about it

OP posts:
TreesinthePark · 12/11/2025 19:47

I agree that you husband should help in general but how has he been lumped with most disgusting chore? You, your husband and your mum should be taking turns with the dog mess, surely?

ToKittyornottoKitty · 12/11/2025 19:48

If he doesn’t get home until it’s dark can’t you do the poo? Do your children never go in the garden? Not picking it up for 5 days it’s grim so I think this is the wrong hill to die on.

ClaredeBear · 12/11/2025 19:48

has he changed since you had your youngest?

NuffSaidSam · 12/11/2025 19:49

Has he changed suddenly? Or did you choose to marry and make two babies with a man who doesn't pull his weight?

Aweecupofteaandabiscuit · 12/11/2025 19:49

No, he’s a lazy disrespectful POS who would be told to take himself to the bin if he were my H.
Ask him to explain very clearly why he feels entitled to behave this way. Why is it that he doesn’t think his wife and the mother of his two young children deserves respect? Why is is that he thinks he is better and more important than you? Why does he think it’s acceptable to sit on his arse and watch his wife who he supposedly loves destroy herself trying to do every bloody thing?
I’d not be explaining a thing to him. He’s either that cruel or that stupid. Let him do the explaining and you will see clearly what kind of man he is or is not.

amber763 · 12/11/2025 19:50

Why are the dogs poos not being picked up after he does them? Id hate that! Also feel its unfair that is one person's job!

didntlikeanyofthesuggestions · 12/11/2025 19:52

Is it definitely the dog? Maybe he's worried you're having an affair and this is the other guys poo? I can see why he wouldn't want to pick that up.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 12/11/2025 19:52

didntlikeanyofthesuggestions · 12/11/2025 19:52

Is it definitely the dog? Maybe he's worried you're having an affair and this is the other guys poo? I can see why he wouldn't want to pick that up.

wtf?

mumofsevenfluffs · 12/11/2025 19:53

I agree with others, give him other chores he can do in the evening. Swap one nasty chore for two others.

AhBiscuits · 12/11/2025 19:53

Why is the poo his job?

Alpacajigsaw · 12/11/2025 19:53

I get he’s lazy but to be honest I wouldn’t be delighted if I was the designated shit lifter 100% of the time. I don’t have a dog but is it not the done thing to pick up its shit once it’s done one, not leave it?

Fitzcarraldo353 · 12/11/2025 19:55

I think you're focusing on the wrong thing. He needs to be doing way more at home. This one chore doesn't work in the dark so is better done in the day by you but he needs to pick up lots of other tasks - sorting kids breakfast, doing bed/bath time, laundry etc.

usedtobeaylis · 12/11/2025 19:55

Why the fuck is the suggestion that she adds it to her never ending list of EVERYTHING ELSE? YANBU unreasonable OP, not by a long shot.

GNR2022 · 12/11/2025 19:56

So the dog is going out and possibly just traipsing their own shit back in the house because it’s not been picked up?

SoScarletItWas · 12/11/2025 19:56

Taking the poo job off him so that OP picks up in the daylight isn’t going to work when she goes back to work full time though, is it?

Agree the poo should be picked up as soon as the dog’s done it.

OP, you need to sit down and discuss what running the household is going to look like when you’re back at work. The split needs to be more equal.

Dliplop · 12/11/2025 19:57

He sounds lazy and annoying he should have more chores unless you count dog poo as extra 🤮.

When my husband gets lazy on chores I usually frame it as asking how we can reshuffle chores so it fits his day better - so in this case, maybe it’s too dark mid week but then on those days he does dishwasher laundry etc.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 12/11/2025 19:57

usedtobeaylis · 12/11/2025 19:55

Why the fuck is the suggestion that she adds it to her never ending list of EVERYTHING ELSE? YANBU unreasonable OP, not by a long shot.

The suggestion is to swap it with another job, this doesn’t increase her workload it just stops her garden being full of shit for 5+ days which is gross for her, her mum, her kids, her neighbours…

Biosblbay · 12/11/2025 19:59

@TreesinthePark 9/10 I end up doing it anyway. Both bins and dog shit. He wanted dogs so the agreement was he is to do anything dog related but that is never the case.

OP posts:
Biosblbay · 12/11/2025 20:01

@GNR2022this is my argument to him, I always explain how this needs to be done daily. I don’t mind doing it myself, but it’s more the principle for me that if I start doing it myself I get lumbered with more housework

OP posts:
toomuchfaff · 12/11/2025 20:01

In all fairness if I'm on my way home and I've called you to have a nice chat to pass the time on the bus and all you're doing is moaning at me on the call about dog shit, I'm hanging up as well.

Time and a place to talk about how much dog shit you have in your garden and its not when I'm on the bus after finishing work. Life is too short to spend life being moaned at on a phone call.

Especially if its dark and I left the house in the dark and I am coming home in the dark. By all means raise it at weekend or a day off, but not when i cant do anything about it. Another view is that you could clean it during the day when its light.

Biosblbay · 12/11/2025 20:04

@mumofsevenfluffs the issue with this is if I give him another 2 chores to swap for this one it will most likely be the same excuses. I will give this a go and see how we get on. Best advice. All I can do is try I guess. From now on I’ll do dog poo and I will figure out what to give him.
hardest part about this is by the time he gets home everything else has already been done, kids in bed, fed, our dinner done

OP posts:
ElectoralControversy · 12/11/2025 20:05

Biosblbay · 12/11/2025 19:59

@TreesinthePark 9/10 I end up doing it anyway. Both bins and dog shit. He wanted dogs so the agreement was he is to do anything dog related but that is never the case.

Sounds like it's time to have a conversation with your DH about rehoming the dogs, if "doing everything" has morphed into doing nothing

Blodyneighbour · 12/11/2025 20:08

Well I'm on the fence here. Maybe just leave him to his own devices and see what happens. No one likes being nagged

Biosblbay · 12/11/2025 20:08

@toomuchfaff first time I’ve called to moan about dog poo, been with him 10 years, still been asking him to pick up dirty socks from the floor, leaving wet towels laying around, dirty mugs in the bedroom… all builds up and then I flip. I am constantly having to run around after him or ask him to do something.

this isn’t just a first time thing in terms of his laziness, I have just had enough.

OP posts:
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