Husband hangs up call when I ask him to do his basic chores. Am I asking too much?!

[Biosblbay]

been with my husband 10 years, married 1, had a house and two children aged 3 and a baby 4 months old. I am on maternity leave but of course I do absolutely everything from when the kids wake up to when they go to bed, this includes most night duties with the baby, feeding the kids, washing bottle constantly, and also food shopping, appointments, arranging dates out, arranging seeing family, remembering to flea dogs, feed dogs, never ending laundry, all house work which is pretty much daily like dishwasher 2 times a day, hoovering, mopping etc and occasionally do breakfasts and lunches for my husband if I get the time. On top of this I am I committee member for my sons nursery to arrange fundraising so at the moment I am doing this for Christmas. This doesn’t include me trying to do things for myself, bath, do my hair which takes me forever, go gym, squeeze a day a month to see a friend but my husbands duties are work, get home, maybe work some more, pick up dog poos in garden, change gas bottles once’s every 2/3 months, bins, pay bills and anything DIY. Please bear in mind I also will be going back to work full time (38 hours per week) but currently on maternity leave, but I do contribute to bills and food shopping so I’m not exactly a stay at home mum.

My husband is on his way home and I feel like I need other people to tell him that it is not acceptable to hang up on me when I remind him to pick up the dog poos that haven’t been done in about 5 days. My mum lives in the annexe at the back on our garden and comes over most days to help me while I pick my son up from pre school so I don’t have to take the baby and she told me today that the poos are really bad and she had to dodge them.

my husbands excuse is that it’s too dark to do it when he gets home or too tired which I think is a very poor excuse, so a few weeks back I actually bought him a nice warm hat with a very bright light so he can’t blame the dark anymore.

durning the phone call I had to explain to him why he needs to do it today for him to say he will do it in the morning… my husband tends to do this very often when he says “I’ll do it tomorrow” and 9/10 doesn’t get done to be left another day. Because of this I have to go on and on quite a bit to which it ends up me moaning and over explaining to which ends up in a row then he either gets nasty, shouts, or as it is on the phone, hang up.

I think he is very unreasonable and very nasty at times not realising that me asking for the bear minimum isn’t a bad thing, I just want him to be able to do dog poos and bins every day without me having to ask but when I do it always ends up in an argument.

Can anyone please explain to my husband that I am not being unreasonable here! It is driving me crazy!! Yes he works, yes he is stressed but he forgets when I go back to work in a few months I have to work and do everything else!!

Read the OPs comments and the bigger picture. She has a 4 month old, is doing everything around the house and is facing going back to work 40 hours a week.
he’s not even picking up his socks, he wanted the dogs and agreed to do dog related chores.

He’s a dud partner.

Yeah I mean, why doesn't she do just everything while her poor lamb of a husband does his 9-5. 🙄

And nobody likes to have to 'nag'.

Nagging is a misogynist term by the way.

@Vladosick I think she’s probably pissed off with the lack of support on here. She is the mother of his kids including a 4 month old baby, is facing going back to work FT.
He wanted the dogs, she does the majority of home chores and he agreed to do the dog tasks. She’s now also doing those most of the time. She flipped out because she’s stressed and receiving no support and imagining how much worse it’s going to get when she’s back at work and wondering if he will change and how she will cope..

Are you a bloke @Vladosick ?

This. She’s doing 99% and you’re all focussing on the 1% just because it’s an unpleasant task?!

It's easier to pick up dog poo as soon as possible. If you leave it and it rains it sort of melts into the grass 🤢 Might it be better if you do it in the daylight when you can in exchange for him doing something else in the evening? Getting dinner, loading dishwasher, putting kids to bed, putting washing on...? He might feel more inclined to do something if he sees it as a negotiation rather than you ordering him to do a job.

Ah - have just seen that having a dog was his idea! He should be picking up the poo every day, whether it's dark or not. Also he should be walking it and feeding it. And he should be doing other stuff as well without having to be asked or reminded.

@Lastfroginthebox - read the OP - he wanted to get the dogs and agreed the dog tasks and the OP is still doing it the majority of the time. He should be walking his dogs before and after work and clearing up after them if that was the deal. The OP is coping with a lot presumably still some sleepless nights too with a young baby.

He’s a dud.

See my second comment immediately after my first! I completely agree with you.

Maybe you should stick to reading your lads mags @didntlikeanyofthesuggestions??
… and not taunt a mother of two (including a 4 month baby), who’s at her wits end and is facing a return to FT work and wondering how the hell she is going to cope with everything due to her dud partner.

Is no one actually walking the dogs?? My dog rarely poos in the garden BECAUSE I WALK HIM.

Wtf, those dogs must not be walked much if theres a massive build up of dog poo. Rehome them.

Rainbow: gold medal for you

Can’t believe the amount of posters on here who would have you pandering to him. I’d kick his arse out as well as the shitty dogs. If he doesn’t contribute to the household, he’s not part of the household. He can clock off when you do.

OP: these are the hardest years in marriage, with small kids and both parents stressed and tired

of my partner bought me a “nice hat” with a torch to pick up shit and called me about picking up shit on the commute home it would really f me off, ….even if it was “my job”

in these years of young kids life is super tough forboth of you, try and get him more involved in all kinds of tasks but it is silly to focus on one task that is actually harder to do in the dark, even with a torch in a “lovely nice hat” that was passively aggressively gifted 😬

Get rid of him and the dogs.
Stop having children with this loser.
Fundraising when you have so much on, is too much.
Stop doing anything for him.
No laundry, shopping or cooking.
Get rid of his dogs as he refuses to care for them.

😂 😂

Split up, neither of you seem to be happy

Well she is doing the majority of the childcare and house work because she’s on maternity leave and he’s at work. What’s the expectation level? Is he supposed to do 50% of housework and childcare as well as going to work?

When OP goes back to work things will change but until that point what’s the solution?

hardest part about this is by the time he gets home everything else has already been done, kids in bed, fed, our dinner done
How convenient for him. I bet that isnt a coincidence. I absolutely hate having to nag at my other half to get a job done. I’m sure they rely on you getting so pissed off about it you just do it yourself.

Go on strike for anything to do with him. Food, laundry etc just don’t do it anymore. Do you like the husband dog? If not, rehome it.

That other poster who said they’d hang up if you decided to moan when they wanted a nice chat to while away the time comes from the same mindset as your husband - selfish and oblivious to your responsibilities. He is not pulling his weight, not contributing and of course you don’t want a nice chat at their whim when you’re at your wits end trying to get through to them - it’s bloody selfish. Hanging up just clearly shows what he thinks - he doesn’t want to hear it and it’s not his problem.

Can you afford to remove your husband from the equation?

For those pp asking why he has to do all the dog poo duty...OP is doing all the human poo duty, day and night, on top of everything else.

And as for doing it during the day, it's not always practical or sensible to wade around a wet, poo-filled garden with a 1 year old and a 4 year old. It's much, much easier to do it alone, even in the dark.

He should still be doing 50% of the childcare and housework after and before work.

Best idea yet!

Yes he should be doing about 50% - she is on maternity leave not “doing the housework” leave.