Husband hangs up call when I ask him to do his basic chores. Am I asking too much?!

[Biosblbay]

been with my husband 10 years, married 1, had a house and two children aged 3 and a baby 4 months old. I am on maternity leave but of course I do absolutely everything from when the kids wake up to when they go to bed, this includes most night duties with the baby, feeding the kids, washing bottle constantly, and also food shopping, appointments, arranging dates out, arranging seeing family, remembering to flea dogs, feed dogs, never ending laundry, all house work which is pretty much daily like dishwasher 2 times a day, hoovering, mopping etc and occasionally do breakfasts and lunches for my husband if I get the time. On top of this I am I committee member for my sons nursery to arrange fundraising so at the moment I am doing this for Christmas. This doesn’t include me trying to do things for myself, bath, do my hair which takes me forever, go gym, squeeze a day a month to see a friend but my husbands duties are work, get home, maybe work some more, pick up dog poos in garden, change gas bottles once’s every 2/3 months, bins, pay bills and anything DIY. Please bear in mind I also will be going back to work full time (38 hours per week) but currently on maternity leave, but I do contribute to bills and food shopping so I’m not exactly a stay at home mum.

My husband is on his way home and I feel like I need other people to tell him that it is not acceptable to hang up on me when I remind him to pick up the dog poos that haven’t been done in about 5 days. My mum lives in the annexe at the back on our garden and comes over most days to help me while I pick my son up from pre school so I don’t have to take the baby and she told me today that the poos are really bad and she had to dodge them.

my husbands excuse is that it’s too dark to do it when he gets home or too tired which I think is a very poor excuse, so a few weeks back I actually bought him a nice warm hat with a very bright light so he can’t blame the dark anymore.

durning the phone call I had to explain to him why he needs to do it today for him to say he will do it in the morning… my husband tends to do this very often when he says “I’ll do it tomorrow” and 9/10 doesn’t get done to be left another day. Because of this I have to go on and on quite a bit to which it ends up me moaning and over explaining to which ends up in a row then he either gets nasty, shouts, or as it is on the phone, hang up.

I think he is very unreasonable and very nasty at times not realising that me asking for the bear minimum isn’t a bad thing, I just want him to be able to do dog poos and bins every day without me having to ask but when I do it always ends up in an argument.

Can anyone please explain to my husband that I am not being unreasonable here! It is driving me crazy!! Yes he works, yes he is stressed but he forgets when I go back to work in a few months I have to work and do everything else!!

@Blodyneighbourread my message above, it’s the constant asking that I am fed up with and to be hung up on when I am just about coping upsets me so hence why I am asking if I am being unreasonable.

I would look into rehoming e dogs and sit him down and tell him that’s on the cards, it’s not enough to say you’ll do the dog stuff, you actually have to do it.

I was wondering who wanted the dogs - I second the rehoming them suggestion

Bless you, I think people have been a bit unkind here! It’s exhausting having to be the one to think of absolutely everything - even obvious things like removing dirty cups and towels from the floor etc - that’s not exactly being picky, that’s wanting a nice home to live in! We also did not have time to chase the dog around all day picking up his poos… I don’t think that’s that unreasonable 😅 we’d would do them once a day etc. Maybe try and find a quiet time at a weekend (mum could have kids for an hour??) to talk about how you’re feeling? I’ve done this recently and it’s been so much better since. Sending hugs!

Rehome the husband as well as the dogs

So you reckon OP should be picking up dog shit as well as doing (from the sounds of it) all the nappies? When it was her DH who wanted the dogs she now gets lumbered with feeding and de-fleaing? On what planet is that fair to OP?

I think we’re getting side tracked by dog poo a bit here. Sounds like he does nothing and the dog poo was the agreement to get a dog.
But the actual issue is he does fuck all else either.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

I frigging choked laughing at this shit 🤔

But he probably knows damn well that if he leaves it long enough OP will end up having to do it, this is weaponised inertia on her DH's part. Not sure how judging OP for not jumping to make up for his failings is helpful.

It's not just the dog though, is it? If it wasn't the dog poo it would be something else. And it's probably not about the task anyway, it's what values he is showing in not doing it, and how he's going about not doing it (hanging up is bloody rude).

OP, this article sums it up better than I ever could. Just replace the glass with the poo!

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.huffpost.com/entry/she-divorced-me-i-left-dishes-by-the-sink_b_9055288/amp

Very annoying to live like this. I don't get the posters jumping to her partner's defense! He needs to be doing a lot lot more, and she shouldn't need to constantly tell him. He is a grown ass adult who should pull his weight. My ex-H was like this. The last straw was when he had a massive tantrum because I washed some (used) gym clothes he'd left on the floor, apparently he wanted to wear it and I was 'controlling' for having picked them up and washed the stinky lot! I am now with a man who takes the trash out without being asked (we don't even live together) and I just want to jump his bones for that :)

If you’d explained from the start that they’re his dogs you’d have had different responses.

Honestly it sounds like things are completely out of hand. With men like this I think sometimes their wives think that if they’re nice enough (making lunches, ironing shirts) the man will start reciprocating. It really doesn’t work though.

I don’t like to blame you, because he’s clearly utterly lazy and disrespectful, but you have allowed this to happen by being way too nice. That needs to end. You renegotiate everything. When at home, household tasks are split 50:50. Don’t kill yourself doing everything during the day - you’re on mat leave to recover and look after the baby. When you go back to work, EVERYTHING is split fairly. If he agrees to something (like dog chores) he does it with good grace.

If he can’t get with the programme I would leave. Honestly.

Fucking hell. You're either a lazy man or a woman with a depressingly low bar.

Even my teenager knows if they tried any of the shit you've listed here they'd need another place to live.

I'm sorry you're stuck raising an adult. How stomach-turning ☹️.

If nobody is cleaning up after the dogs after a week that is both their failings. I used to have a neighbour that never cleaned up their dog shit and it just stank all the time.

My DH has dogs. He's always understood it's his job.

It's not the dog poo, though, is it? It's the whole "fuck you" lack of respect. Honestly, you can talk to him until you are blue in the face but he won't hear you.

Only you can decide if this is how you want to live.

Rubbish. He isn’t being asked to “help” firstly, he is a grown ass adult with responsibilities, he isn’t doing a favour to his partner for goodness sake. And secondly, no, they are being left with no other choice by him being a man child to have to do everything else, so yes, he can be lumbered doing the dog poo.

This is such a bizarre thread. You ring your husband daily to remind him to pick the dog poo up, while you’re at home, looking at it… also sounds as if you have arms and legs to go outside and pick it up yourself. You really shouldn’t have dogs if you can’t be bothered to clean up after them.

Seriously. Leave. You have married a man child.

YANBU don't do the dog poo. He will just learn that you have no boundaries. You will look back 10 years from now and still be in the exact same position. Try giving him options. He picks up after the dog daily and the dog stays in the family. He doesn't pick up after the dog daily and the dog gets rehomed. It is really that simple. You cannot afford to let him become your third child. It may be easier now but it bad for your marriage. If you pick it up this winter because you happen to be on maternity leave, what happens next winter? Will it be you wearing the hat with the bright light, picking up dog poo in the dark? As the kids say..you need to stand on business girl.

Why is no one walking the dog?!

Your post is what's bizarre. So she gets to do all the chores at home because she has arms and legs. Is the man missing his arms and legs? Why should a fully grown adult need to be reminded to do a chore they undertook to do the dog was brought into the family?

Did you read the reply where she said they are his dogs and he agreed to do everything dog-related?

This @Biosblbay his dogs his problem