To refuse to give a colleague a lift to/from work?

[NotTonightDeidre]

A colleague at work, I'll call her Kate, gets a lift 4 days a week with another colleague, Jen. Jen doesn't work Thursday, but both Kate & I do.

I've given Kate a lift on several occasions but I find it awkward as she's not all that talkative & I'm a very chatty person.

We did some training last week & I was in the same team as Kate, she barely acknowledged me, let alone spoke to me.

We saw each other at work today (we're in different teams day to day) and she half smiled at me. Fast forward to after work & I get a text from Kate asking for a lift tomorrow morning.

AIBU to have replied saying I'm unable to offer a lift at the minute? I feel like a dick, but also, I don't want awkward journeys in my own car.

You’re not friends - you are colleagues - you are under no obligation to do any favours for Jen, and it’s not part of your job. Once you leave work you are on your own time so if you don’t want to sit there awkwardly you don’t have to. I agree with PPs that Jen shouldnt be relying on her colleagues to get her to and from work everyday.

It wasn’t me! The “leftie” was unreasonable for expecting anyone to accept being brow beaten over politics at 8 am. It doesn’t really matter whether she is a communist or Reform, it’s just unacceptable.

What gives you the impression she is "awkwardly shy" as opposed to downright rude, ignorant and a user?

Yeah, how about NO.

What fresh hell am I reading on here?

'Of course you should give this person a lift who CBA to make her own way to work, even though she never normally speaks to you, and CBA to speak to you even when she's cadging a lift off you.'

LMFAO!!! 😆

'A village' is a myth. It's never been a thing. Only in fairytales and Enid Blyton books.

Exactly. JEN can get her own fucking car, or walk, or get public transport.

This kind of thing has been illustrated all through the thread. Cheeky fuckers gonna be cheeky fuckers. They take take take all the free lifts, the unpaid taxi service, the free door to door chauffeur, and when said person DARES to withdraw their FREE services, they get all salty and pissy and arsey, and act like you're letting them down. It's absolutely incredible what an utter nerve some people have. And I am gobsmacked at some posters on here actually thinking it's OK!

she barely acknowledged me, let alone spoke to me.

that text she sent

id not be opening acknowledging it

seriously why would you even answer if she can't be bothered to acknowledge you?

You don't sound generous. You don't even sound pleasant. OP is perfectly within her rights to not want her trips to and from work to be awkward for her in the car she pays for, that's not petty in the slightest.

You mean KATE.

I was repeating what the poster I had quoted had said. Kate can get her own way to work, as well as Jen.

Exactly. You can see who the CFs are on this thread can't you?! 😆 Trying to guilt trip people into giving lifts to randoms, with the #BeKind nonsense.

It doesn't work BTW! I'm too old, too tired, and too canny to be guilt tripped by ANYONE!

I’ve always had a car so never been in ‘Kate’s’ position. But if a work colleague offered me a lift, I wouldn’t expect them to go miles out their way, I’d make police conversation and would give petrol money.

Just be clear that you can’t offer her lifts. No reasons just not possible.

But if she doesn't offer to pay for gas, she's taking advantage--like the majority of people do. I don't tolerate users. She sounds like a user.

hahaha!!!!!

Quite surprised at the amount of suggestions to lie and invent an excuse rather than just state the reason. I’m which is simply, I’m not comfortable giving a lift to someone who cannot have the common decency to at least say hello at work. Might actually find out that she is shy and unsure how to react around you. Might break the ice a little.

Totally agree! When someone is kind enough to give you lifts you offer to pay for fuel. Xx

Honestly, I wouldn’t make up any excuses, I’d just say “Not today” or “That doesn’t work for me.” and see what she does. If she tries to push the issue by guilt tripping you or enlisting minions, I’d say very simply “It’s not in my employment contract to supply lifts after I finish work for the day. She makes me uncomfortable at work and I don’t want her in my car.”

At the moment I am giving my son a lift to work because he has a driving ban for speeding. I am happy to do this because he is my family but no way would I be giving a stranger a lift to work. Just say no you need to get the bus or use a taxi.

I had the opposite reason for not offering someone a regular lift to work: she used to talk at me non stop. Drove me insane. My drive to work is where I have a bit of peaceful time to listen to the radio or a podcast. I had made the mistake of stopping at the bus stop in the village to offer her a lift one day in really wet weather and she just expected me to do it every day after that. I actually changed my route to work in the end because it was such a chore. I told her I could no longer guarantee her a lift and just never drove past the bus stop in the morning after that. In my view it’s a real chore to have to give someone you don’t know very well a lift.

Just to add to my earlier reply. It’s the sense of entitlement that’s really irritating- Jen expects you to say yes, just like my former liftee did, and it’s a flippin’ cheek.

@NotTonightDeidre you owe her nothing, she uses you and doesn’t even hide the fact.

youre not giving her a lift because you don’t want to

own that decision and just text back “sorry, no can do” and leave it at that

IF she pushes with a why, tell her you don’t want to. There’s no wiggle room in that. Be blunt. It’s ok.

What you've missed is that there is a lot more taking than giving, which drains people's goodwill pretty damn quick!

Not offering to pay for lifts/ contribute is just pure entitlement. Could be petty and just say it louder in the breakroom ‘hi Kate, saw your texts and I know you’re probably pressuring me for an answer so I’m not able to offer lifts at the moment’

make people know she’s acting like a entitled little b

Some posters deserve to be in the Olympics with the mental gymnastics they're using to excuse Kate.
There is absolutely nothing posted to suggest she's ND, shy or socially awkward. All we know is she ignores OP, then half smiled at her the day she asked for a lift. That's not shy, that's trying to cadge a lift.