To refuse to give a colleague a lift to/from work?

[NotTonightDeidre]

A colleague at work, I'll call her Kate, gets a lift 4 days a week with another colleague, Jen. Jen doesn't work Thursday, but both Kate & I do.

I've given Kate a lift on several occasions but I find it awkward as she's not all that talkative & I'm a very chatty person.

We did some training last week & I was in the same team as Kate, she barely acknowledged me, let alone spoke to me.

We saw each other at work today (we're in different teams day to day) and she half smiled at me. Fast forward to after work & I get a text from Kate asking for a lift tomorrow morning.

AIBU to have replied saying I'm unable to offer a lift at the minute? I feel like a dick, but also, I don't want awkward journeys in my own car.

No. The more obvious factor here is that Kate comes across as plain rude. She makes absolutely NO effort towards her colleague, doesn’t acknowledge or speak to her and has managed half a smile at best. Yes she maybe just shy or uninterested in chatting but it comes across as rude. More so when you have the nerve to ask others for a favour via txt but make no effort towards them in teal life. She has a tongue in her head but lacks basic manners. If it was me I wouldn’t eveb reply to the text. Works both ways, ignore people in real life, don’t expect a response to your text.

This. I was guilted into giving a bloke who lived a 45 minute drive away in the same time as me a lift. There are back. He reluctantly gave me £5 a week and was always always always late and never ready.

after about 4 months I grew some big girls pants and just said ‘I can’t give you a lift from now on as I’m going to the gym earlier and leaving and making plans after work’ he wasn’t happy and went back to the bus

@NotTonightDeidre AIBU to have replied saying I'm unable to offer a lift at the minute? I feel like a dick, but also, I don't want awkward journeys in my own car.

Why is it awkward? You said she's not talkative, but why is that awkward? Generally, most drivers would prefer their passengers to shut up.

If you don't like silence, can't you just put the radio on?

Let Kate get the bus and ahe can sit in silence with fellow bus wombles. Manners cost nothing. She doesn’t acknowledge you in real
life, don’t acknowledge her text. I feel second hand embarrassment for her from here, exceptionally tone deaf, that she’s makes zero effort with colleagues and has the bare faced cheek to send you a txt. I think id either not respond, and treat her as she treats you, or reply with a 🤣 and say nothing, im sure she knows what she’s doing. Or just reply with No, you make no effort towards me or others so why would you ask for a favour via txt and expect me to five you a lift. It’s non sensical. She’s just rude let her crack on, focus on your job and ignore her back at work, who has time for that, work is work, nobody there to make friends

Why lie or over explain?

Expecting a free ride at anytime is a dick move also. Unless you are besties and/or told the person that the ride is gratis, you pay. Running a car is not free and CFers always seem to think, "Well you are driving anyway, so no need to pay". Don't want to pay? Take the bus.

Why is she working in a place whete she requires daily lifts from colleagues? I'm all for carpooling and saving the environment and if she and Jen have a good thing going, great. But asking for regular lifts is cheeky. This is coming from someone who doesnt have a car.

Hi Kate.

Is it possible she’s just very shy and that’s the reason we doesn’t smile/chat etc? either way it’s your right not to give a lift to someone you don’t want to. It would become a regular arrangement.

No they don’t, but OP doesn’t have to spend her own personal time with anyone she doesn’t enjoy spending time with. And OP enjoys spending time with chatty people, and so chooses not to spend her limited free time with quiet people.

I’m not chatty but given the choice I’d rather have silence alone or a colleague that can hold a conversation in my car. Silence with someone else I don’t know well is a bit weird, and not something I’d sign up for as a weekly exercise.

She could possibly have some anxiety in social situations and that might be why she's not very talkative (i dont talk much in cars as im terrified of being in a car so i go silent). If your not comfortable with lifts then says so, she can use public transport if need be

I would give her a lift and just put music on in the car.

There’s nothing wrong with not being a taxi for a work colleague because you don’t enjoy the journey with them in the car. Whether that’s because they aren’t chatty enough or they chat too much.

It’s a dick move to put pressure on someone to sort out the commute of someone they barely know.

This. Exactly. Been there, done that.

Same here. They are users, nothing more

Just don't offer, it's not that deep.

A friend used to give a lift
to our colleague who insisted on talking about left wing politics all the time, she told

Own it, dont lie. And just say dont want to be tied in to regular lifts. It’s more empowering to own ur own truth.

So she wants to use you for lifts but is too dim-witted to even pretend to be interested in you. Plus she barely acknowledges you and doesn't talk in the car. She sounds like a dullard, tbh. Let her find her own way to work.

Does she contribute to petrol/your time/wear and tear on car etc. because ultimately by getting lifts with people 5 days a week she is saving herself a fair chunk of money.

You make decision that suits you. If you do offer her a lift - suggest she starts paying mileage and charge her more than the return bus fare. You’ll soon see her stop asking for lifts.

People can refuse for whatever reason they want. And if that is offensive to you then you must be entitled as well.

A one off is fine but to fall into being expected to every week is very annoying and leaves you feeling like you can't organise things that day or have the day off etc you feel obligated to be there to serve your colleague free of charge. It becomes a burden.

Wonderful that you have time and nothing else to do than be other people's rides though, that's awesome. Or are you not committed to be someones free ride and do you not offer lifts.. That would be hypocritical wouldn't it so I'm sure you have a great roster going with all the people you schlep around to be making such rude judgements.

Perhaps it is you who cons free rides off others and that's why you have that standpoint.... Entitled free loaders have no place IMO.

The justification for giving her a lift is that you're sharing petrol etc and being kinder to the environment.
The fact that Kate appears to be awkwardly shy has nothing to do with it either way.
Make all the excuses you like OP but YA(still)BU

Your car, your annual costs, your petrol, your decision who you share that space with. You have no obligation to her or anyone else on this. YANBU in the slightest!

Hi op if she is rude just say no don’t give a reason.

Oh my God!!! Not a loony leftie?? How absolutely dreadful 😱 Well I would’ve given lifts to that person no problem.

But Kate? Nah. She made no effort with OP until she wanted something. She’s a user. OP’s car, OP’s choice. YANBU OP. But YABVU @Teddy1949