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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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To refuse to give a colleague a lift to/from work?

393 replies

NotTonightDeidre · 12/11/2025 18:59

A colleague at work, I'll call her Kate, gets a lift 4 days a week with another colleague, Jen. Jen doesn't work Thursday, but both Kate & I do.

I've given Kate a lift on several occasions but I find it awkward as she's not all that talkative & I'm a very chatty person.

We did some training last week & I was in the same team as Kate, she barely acknowledged me, let alone spoke to me.

We saw each other at work today (we're in different teams day to day) and she half smiled at me. Fast forward to after work & I get a text from Kate asking for a lift tomorrow morning.

AIBU to have replied saying I'm unable to offer a lift at the minute? I feel like a dick, but also, I don't want awkward journeys in my own car.

OP posts:
Mothership4two · 14/11/2025 18:32

Shinyandnew1 · 14/11/2025 18:22

I think the posters you are calling 'liftcadgers' are more likely to be the ones that wouldn't have a problem giving a colleague a lift one day a week

No, they won't, because they can't drive.

???

Are you psychic?

Hoipers · 14/11/2025 19:17

My friends daughter was asked in front of other staff to drop a new male Intern home by her HoD, and said that No it didn't suit her, she had plans.
Her slightly strident HoD asked her to be a team player. She felt embarrassed and humiliated by her boss and gave him a lift.
First job as an qualified pharmist in a large pharmaceutical company.

Her mother, a solicitor was absolutely beyond incensed and encouraged her to contact HR.
She helped her draft the email that absolutely stank of legal language and tone, strongly objecting to the public humiliation and coercion she felt by her HoD's actions.

Her email spelled out clearly that it was her car, her property, not a company car, and she had felt bullied to follow the direction of her boss, out of hours, off the clock, in her private life.

In absolute fairness to the company she was met in reception as she entered work at 7.45 am.
Someone in HR obviously saw it out of hours.

It could not have been taken more seriously.
HR's manger and Director were openly appalled and told her so.
They apologised profusely, offering no excuse whatsoever as did her boss, who looked compleyely ashen faced when he was asked to join them.

She was told that it should never have happened, that her car was her property and she should never have been put in such a position.

She is still working there, but her boss, mid 40's has clearly had his card marked to such an extent that it has been remarked upon.
He is a lot quieter.

Within 24 hours a company wide protocol was circulated that no staff member was ever to be put under pressure to accommodate lifts for other staff.

Interestingly my BIL, also in Pharma, was very surprised he kept his job.
Pharma is very key to bring young women into their top disciplines.

Behaviour like this is not acceptable, not tolerated, and just the type of behaviour that decent organisations will no longer tolerate nor be associated with.

Julimia · 14/11/2025 19:43

Work environments can be very strange and difficult.

TwistedWonder · 14/11/2025 20:00

As the cast of grange hill sang ‘just say no’

No need to elaborate, you owe her nothing

herbaltincture · 14/11/2025 22:04

Mothership4two · 14/11/2025 18:32

???

Are you psychic?

If they drove, they wouldn't need to cadge a lift.

Mothership4two · 15/11/2025 02:53

herbaltincture · 14/11/2025 22:04

If they drove, they wouldn't need to cadge a lift.

We were discussing some of the posters on here, not OP's worker - the one's OK with giving a lift

Mothership4two · 15/11/2025 03:01

Talltreesbythelake · 14/11/2025 16:46

Except that they don't drive or own their own car, they want to 'cadge' ie 'get without paying' someone else to do it for them.

How do you know that? The posters on here being calling 'liftcadgers' may well drive. IMO they probably do

I'd give a colleague a lift even if they weren't 'chatty' in my own car. And if I wasn't going massively out of my way, I wouldn't dream of asking for petrol money.

Worried about "cadging" - ask for petrol money..

However, OP feeling awkward and disappointed in colleague's interaction so far is a reason not to. She's not obligated.

Hufflemuff · 15/11/2025 03:17

I would blank her text completely. If she actually has the balls to ask you tell her you cant as you have to meet a friend in the opposite direction right after work on Thursdays now - sorry.

She doesnt give a shit about you, give it the same energy back.

Doingtheboxerbeat · 15/11/2025 03:35

Who applies for a job that they have to rely on the kindness of others to get to and from M-F ? I don't drive, therefore I don't live out in the sticks or work somewhere that I can't cycle/walk/use public transport in order to not be stranded 🫣.
What about sickness, holidays, weather, job change....

herbaltincture · 15/11/2025 05:31

Mothership4two · 15/11/2025 02:53

We were discussing some of the posters on here, not OP's worker - the one's OK with giving a lift

It was a follow-on from your nonsensical response to a post of mine, where in successive posts you repeatedly fail to understand the meaning of the term 'liftcadgers' that I originally used. HTH.

GwaithAgwely · 15/11/2025 06:28

Was in same situation years ago,the 'village bully' demanding lifts.I use to drive the other way out of our estate and see the CF stood at the bus stop

HelplessSoul · 15/11/2025 07:07

Rubbertreesurgeon · 14/11/2025 16:53

OP doesn't need an excuse why she can't/doesn't wanna do it. She owes the colleague zero justification.

Why can't colleague make her own way to the office?

Why cant said colleague make her own way in to work?

Because said colleague is a using cunt, thats why.

And its good that the OP declined to entertain this shit too (from the OPs 1st post).

Mothership4two · 15/11/2025 09:45

herbaltincture · 15/11/2025 05:31

It was a follow-on from your nonsensical response to a post of mine, where in successive posts you repeatedly fail to understand the meaning of the term 'liftcadgers' that I originally used. HTH.

The irony.

Is English not your first language? Was quite clear what was meant. I followed up to clarify what was going as it seemed to be going over your head which was irritating.

You: all the liftcadgers on here probably see it otherwise.

Me: I think the posters you are calling 'liftcadgers' are more likely to be the ones that wouldn't have a problem giving a colleague a lift one day a week.

Not sure how it could have been clearer? You brought them up (those posters on here)* *then went on to weirdly say they couldn't drive - think you made an error of equivocation/you switched meanings - which caused confusion. It would help you on MN if you try to be clearer and not make any more errors.

HTH

in successive posts you repeatedly fail to understand the meaning of the term 'liftcadgers'

Where did I say that? Of course I know what it means, replied using it in context (unlike you) and never said any different.

I'm not going to derail the thread any further, but the failure to understand was tiresome.

BTW you don't have to try to insult people who just have a difference of opinion to you.

herbaltincture · 15/11/2025 11:35

Mothership4two · 15/11/2025 09:45

The irony.

Is English not your first language? Was quite clear what was meant. I followed up to clarify what was going as it seemed to be going over your head which was irritating.

You: all the liftcadgers on here probably see it otherwise.

Me: I think the posters you are calling 'liftcadgers' are more likely to be the ones that wouldn't have a problem giving a colleague a lift one day a week.

Not sure how it could have been clearer? You brought them up (those posters on here)* *then went on to weirdly say they couldn't drive - think you made an error of equivocation/you switched meanings - which caused confusion. It would help you on MN if you try to be clearer and not make any more errors.

HTH

in successive posts you repeatedly fail to understand the meaning of the term 'liftcadgers'

Where did I say that? Of course I know what it means, replied using it in context (unlike you) and never said any different.

I'm not going to derail the thread any further, but the failure to understand was tiresome.

BTW you don't have to try to insult people who just have a difference of opinion to you.

What the motherfucking fuck are you on about?

You still haven't figured out what cadging a lift means. Unbelievable.

Mothership4two · 15/11/2025 13:26

herbaltincture · 15/11/2025 11:35

What the motherfucking fuck are you on about?

You still haven't figured out what cadging a lift means. Unbelievable.

OMG I tried patiently to explain it to you. Not sure how much clearer I could make it. Would you like me to draw you a diagram? Perhaps you should brush up on your comprehension skills?

Posters aren't 'liftcadgers' just because they disagree with you. At least two of us drive and would help out. There may be no 'liftcadgers' (as you so sweetly put it) on this thread ie people who would accept lifts.

You still haven't figured out what cadging a lift means. Unbelievable.

How many times and in how many ways do you want me to respond with I obviously know what 'to cadge' means? I never said I didn't (even asking you to show me where you thought that came from) and I used it in in context but you are fixating on something untrue that you have made up in your head. Is your surname Trump?

🙄

coffeeneedsmummy · 15/11/2025 18:18

NotTonightDeidre · 14/11/2025 00:27

Ok. Except that's not the entire reason.

You barely know the woman! Surely the dick move is asking you for a lift when it feels like from the post that you don't know her from adam! CF in my opinion...

Ginny98 · 15/11/2025 18:32

And this is why we have no village.

Because no-one is willing to be the village. Of course you should give the lift. Yes it will be a pain the arse, but of course you should still do it JFC

Salome61 · 15/11/2025 18:32

I'm sorry, it is awkward. I would write back and say 'sorry, it's not convenient'.

I went to college as a mature student, and was asked by another mature student for a lift home one night. I said not to bother with petrol money (it was a bit out of my way), but I did ask for a packet of cigarettes now and again as a thank you. She started treating me like a taxi - she demanded I pick her up in the morning for a college trip, moaned if I had to go via the shops, and gave me nothing at all. 4 months of nightly lifts later I said that it was no longer convenient. She turned up the next day with 40 cigarettes but I told her to take them back. My kindness is often abused, now I'm older I'm better at saying no.

B33cka8 · 15/11/2025 18:34

ObtuseMoose · 12/11/2025 19:06

Refusing because she's not talkative is weird imo, not everyone has to chew the hind legs off a donkey.

Yeh but not acknowledging her much at work? Yet wanting a regular favour? No thank you

TheHillIsMine · 15/11/2025 18:36

Clearly she's clever enough to give you a half smile to buy her lift the next day...

bladeo13 · 15/11/2025 18:39

NotTonightDeidre · 12/11/2025 18:59

A colleague at work, I'll call her Kate, gets a lift 4 days a week with another colleague, Jen. Jen doesn't work Thursday, but both Kate & I do.

I've given Kate a lift on several occasions but I find it awkward as she's not all that talkative & I'm a very chatty person.

We did some training last week & I was in the same team as Kate, she barely acknowledged me, let alone spoke to me.

We saw each other at work today (we're in different teams day to day) and she half smiled at me. Fast forward to after work & I get a text from Kate asking for a lift tomorrow morning.

AIBU to have replied saying I'm unable to offer a lift at the minute? I feel like a dick, but also, I don't want awkward journeys in my own car.

just say no

Doggielovecharlotte · 15/11/2025 18:40

You don’t need to make any excuse - just say no

who can argue with that

PandorasBox7 · 15/11/2025 18:42

NotTonightDeidre · 12/11/2025 18:59

A colleague at work, I'll call her Kate, gets a lift 4 days a week with another colleague, Jen. Jen doesn't work Thursday, but both Kate & I do.

I've given Kate a lift on several occasions but I find it awkward as she's not all that talkative & I'm a very chatty person.

We did some training last week & I was in the same team as Kate, she barely acknowledged me, let alone spoke to me.

We saw each other at work today (we're in different teams day to day) and she half smiled at me. Fast forward to after work & I get a text from Kate asking for a lift tomorrow morning.

AIBU to have replied saying I'm unable to offer a lift at the minute? I feel like a dick, but also, I don't want awkward journeys in my own car.

Just say no you are not a taxi service. I get this all the time because some of my friends don’t drive. I do give an occasional lift but I don’t want to do it every day.

Sporadica · 15/11/2025 18:45

Whether she asked for one lift (which is what I took from your post) or a lift every Thursday (as some PPs have interpreted it, the answer is no if you don't want to/can't/won't. The reason doesn't really matter - in fact, if you're sure you don't want to, it's best not to give a reason as human nature probably dictates that people then try to find solutions for the stated issue. I don't think it's unreasonable for her to ask you if you COULD give her a lift given that you've given her lifts before and so are probably the first person that comes to mind if she genuinely needs a lift. It's also completely reasonable for you to decline. There's no reason to be angry at her and call her names (again, not you, but previous replies); if you're upset with her for asking before you've said no, you're wasting energy. If she persists after you say no, that's rude. If she's generally rude to you at work, that's another issue.

Mumof3delights · 15/11/2025 18:54

This person seems rude. Not bothering to acknowledge you until they want something from you. It would be a simple ‘No sorry I can’t’ and leave it as that. You don’t owe anyone an explanation she’s a grown adult and it’s her responsibility to get to work not rely on others. If the bus ride isn’t working for her anymore then she would have to reconsider where she is working or her hours etc. but it’s not your job to get her to and or from work.