To feel frustrated when people say ‘get a babysitter’

[Ticklyoctopus]

Because the people saying it usually have grandparent help and would never actually let a virtual stranger with just a DBS check actually look after their toddlers, change their nappies, get up with them in the night etc?

It’s just a really frustrating response. I know you can ask nursery staff if they do it, and we have, and I would trust them, but most have small children themselves so understandably decline. My friends have small kids themselves, and my few local childfree relatives just really aren’t the kind of people you would trust to watch a toddler even for 20 minutes.

AIBU to think ‘get a babysitter’ just isn’t practical in many cases?

How does one become tried and trusted without being tried

Blimey so you don't get babysitters cos of a dodgy news reader?

This is different, and I sympathise. I have a good friend with a similar DC. He grew ip to become a lovely and successful man, so I hope your DS does also.

Because the people saying it usually have grandparent help and would never actually let a virtual stranger with just a DBS check actually look after their toddlers, change their nappies,

Nope.
We never had Grandparent help.
Of course, as I say on all these threads, we never left our dc with "a virtual stranger", and I doubt many people would. That is something usually thrown out by people who either choose to never go out anywhere, or who have plenty of family able and willing to babysit.
But we paid for babysitters from when our first born was quite tiny.
YABU.

I asked my brother to change his niece's nappy years ago. He wouldn't do it, he looked scared of poop. There is a bunch of people out there who would find it very difficult.

That's your choice when you decide to leave your children with a babysitter. I don't think it's anyone's place to say another parent is being unreasonable because they wouldn't. On the other hand she does leave herself open to criticism when she asks the question.

Certainly; you said ‘what will you do?’ That is saying that it will happen, rather than what would you do.

An emergency is different to social mixing. I’m afraid I don’t have the money to regularly hire babysitters for childcare. If that means that one day DH or I could die alone in hospital then so be it.

I can only imagine the responses if I did let a ‘local teen’ look after DS and DS fell down the stairs or similar - ‘You were letting a teen you barely know who you found on the internet look after your toddler?! Are you insane?! YABU’

That must be ‘the weirdest thing extrapolated from a MN post.’

No

I have had babysitters before and will again in the future. But I am not devil may care about it and I don’t open my door and my children’s care to anyone on the basis of a tenuous connection, not because of a dodgy news reader but because people sometimes are not what they appear to be.

Look. You’re clearly not ready to let someone else watch your children. Accept it, and accept that your current season of life means that you’re not going out in the evenings (unless solo whilst DH stays home).

I’ve only used one once and I was in the house at the time as I was sick (single parent) and needed a break. I hate the thought of leaving my children with strangers and don’t put my children into summer clubs for this reason. You just don’t know who these people are.

The response from who? Why is your toddler likely to fall down the stairs?
And again, a babysitter does not need to be any random teenager who happens to live nearby.

If you don't want to hire a babysitter, don't. But jumping to bad scenarios with random teenagers in charge is just daft.

We just don't go out at the same time without our children. Yes, it is hard turning down invitations, but I would not leave them with a stranger and we don't have anyone to mind them.

I would never ‘get a babysitter’ I’d rather not go out. The idea of a random person looking after my child makes me uneasy, mainly from a safeguarding perspective.

I babysat SEN children as a student nurse. I would put up a poster around student nurses. I was quite common to do.

I think what is most irritating about the OP is this claim that people who suggest babysitters all have grandparent support and have never done so.

That is just not true - many of us on this thread do regularly use babysitters and don't have grandparent support

There is nothing wrong with not wanting to - but it's not a made up thing, many many parents do use babysitting services as is bloody obvious from the number of agencies and ads

Not all agencies have a blanket ban - we use a local agency rather than a national one, run by a lovely lady you can call and speak to about what you need. She has a lot of babysitters on her books who have experience - our regular babysitter is a teacher at a special school and most of her other clients have children with disabilities

Why do posters refer to virtual strangers being used as babysitters? We’ve used babysitters since DT’s were six months old. No family in the same country to help but we used nursery staff and teenager children of friends. People DT’s knew and we trusted.
Meant that DH and I got to go out together every Friday.

What do parents do if they don’t have family to help out and won’t use babysitters - never go out as a couple?

We have 3 children.
Grandparents and siblings living abroad, so yes, we have had babysitters for years. Our oldest child was 16 yo then the youngst child was born which indeed help a lot as she loved babysitting.

Our daughter is babysitting for an agency - both emergency calls and establish clients. She is a midwife doing futher studies at university. She loves it! And can do young babies, SEN and sick children as well.

I am a girl guide leader. I have 15 years olds (and older girls of course) guides who are indeed capable of babysitting toddlers in nappies. The help every week to run the meetings for the younger girls.

They are brillant, clever, hardworking girls trained in first aid. The guides pay for an instructor to come at last evening of our babysitter course so they can get a first aid certificate.
We run it once a year the babysitting course for the girls wanting to. They are quite popular around here for parents to hire.

I sometime babysit for neighbours or church members if needed. My youngst child is in secondary school. I like young children - we have fun. Not all people are strangers to children.

I have put a lot of expense and effort into finding a nice babysitter. One is a trainee nurse who lives in my building I did several overlap sessions with her so she would know my baby /toddler and his routine and he would feel happy and safe with her. It helps that we regularly sees her and chats to her in our reception are so he remembers her. Now she is fully qualified and busy working she isn’t often free when I want her though! I also have a once a week cleaner and she is a life saver occasionally for babysitting as my son knows her too. This is a good plan if you can afford it.
there is no ‘just get’ about it thoigh its takes effort!

That is a very unhealthy and damaging attitude. So, your DC don’t do anything outside the home without you? All because you “don’t know who these people are”?

Yes I agree it’s tricky. We used sitters.co.uk which vets all the staff and you can choose which ones to ask to get the same person each time.

Can you hire a babysitting and just go to the park with then the 1st time for a few hours? get them round your house and see how they interact with your kids? Maybe book them one Sat or Sun lunchtime so there would be no bedtime routine straight away? Then when you're happy and your kids seem comfortable you can try going for an early evening meal & see how it goes.

Our relatives are far away. We have always had neighbours as babysitters, or friends' teenage daughters. But not when the kids were babies/toddlers - we just didn't go out!! Or very occasionally a friend would babysit for us if their partner was at home with their own kids.