DH surprising me with possible (very) early retirement

[Aggyagro]

Ok so I know this is his decision, but it will definitely affect us both. We are both early fifties and I am in the situation where due to taking time out of pension contributions and doing freelance work when the 3 DCs were young I know I’ll need to work to retirement age.
We go halves on bills, he is the bigger wage earner and I pay the mortgage whereas he does loads of other things. All ok. But now he has started saying that with the DCs all moved out and nearly independent he’ll be looking to take early retirement in the next few years. He’s been paying into his pension and doing all the sums. He says it will mean a sacrifice but it’s ‘doable’. It just means that we will have to do fewer things like takeaways and cut back a bit. Call me mad but I’m struggling to see the advantage to this. When I ask what he plans to do with his time he says ‘nothing,’ with a grin…
Then he says maybe travel more, but then I point out that I’ll still be working and that we’ll have less money, which doesn’t seem to work logically. I can see a few problems ahead, or am I just being selfish?

I know a man who did this, ended up leaving his wife and going travelling with a woman 20 years younger 😬

Nope. You are a team. He shouldn't get to take unilateral decisions that will affect you both.

Why do you go halves on bills when he is the larger wage earner and your salary and pension has been cut due to taking time out to take care of both of your children?

Your work is directly subsidising his early retirement!

This!

This IS a joint decision - your pension was affected by taking time out to raise children, so you should both work until you can both retire. He is being selfish, not you.

Why are you going halves when you earn less??

so you took a hit in your earnings for a family. now earn less. Still go halves even though proportionate sharing relative to earnings would be more fair.

and now you have to subsidise his early retirement?

is he planning to share his pension with you given that you allowed him to build bigger nest egg due to above?

So hw much exactly will his pension be per month? As in What % Against mortgage and bills?
Can he cover 50% ?
If so why not?
Could he retire then work part time if necessary? If the budget turns out too tight
Why wasnt he or was he covering your pension while you presumably provided childcare?

Yep. He sounds very sneaky.

Is reducing his working week an option?

I'm going to buck the trend

Are you saying that you will just have to cut back on a few takeaways and bits?

Would you be the only one contributing to bills? As long as he can pay his half, I don't see what the problem is.

And can he take maximum lump sum pay off the mortgage? That might change the outlook

You may have different pension products, but you are a team. Either both of you retire or neither of you do. Maybe he works for 5 more years and you both retire a little early?

But at the moment your household can't afford it.

Absolute joker. He's been able to build up his pension because of your unpaid 'wife work'.

There is so much wrong with this.

Various ways you could approach it, from 'great, I'll do the same, let's work in those sums again' through to 'how about we divorce and split the assets given you seem to have no regard fornme raising our children, you selfish prick'.

Fuck that. This is not a unilateral decision. He leaves early. You have to work for longer and have a reduced quality of life. Not ok. And how can he afford to travel if he can’t afford a takeaway. I honestly don’t say LTB usually. But for him. I say go, take half his pension and smile all the way. You had to sacrifice for his career to raise children. He owes you.

At his age this seems to be a very common theme among men. I would argue that if he retires so do you. Or he retires but basically becomes a house husband- so all household management, shopping, cooking etc with a budget.
I think often it’s a symptom of retirement being close enough to be in view but just out of reach.
Presumably you were looking after the DC - so even tho you were not in paid employment I can’t imagine you were laying around all day on a chaise longue and eating chocolate?

My husband and I are the same age. He is now a high earner whilst I still work part time whilst doing all the housework/life admin (he has often travelled and with no family nearby it would have been hard for me to work full
time, plus thankfully I didn’t need to). We see both our income as family money and are a team. He is hoping to retire by 55 and there’s no way I won’t be retiring at the same time. My pension pot will not be in any way comparable to his!

My reply is based on the fact that you are married and took a career and income hit to raise his children.
My response would be ‘That is wonderful news darling, I assumed I would have to work until retirement age. Are you really sure you will be able to pay our mortgage and bills when we stop work? How exciting!’

My DH would never do this. Your pension suffered because you took time out to raise your children. It should be fair. If say my DH could retire 20 years before me, there’s no way he would. He would say have us both work another 10 years each and retire together. You sacrificed. Sacrifices need to be shared out.

So with your past “time off” you get to do childcare and miss out on pension contributions and with his time off he gets to do nothing?! Did you always pay 50/50 even when you wasn’t much less? It seems unfair to go 50/50 when he earns much more. It sounds like he sees you as an equal partner or your contribution to your joint lives as equal (even if it has been financially less). I’d also be concerned that in the event of a divorce you’d be seen as the higher earner and needing less finances than him.

Will he match your earlier contribution to the family taking on all tasks from the point of his retirement?

Why? It’s not “his” pension pot. Private pension is part of matrimonial assets. If you were divorced they would be shared as part of financial settlement

divorce him and take half his pension?

But they aren’t divorced and legally it’s his when married.

Statistically a lot of women take early retirement in their fifties to look after their (her parents). The Government is concerned about the growing number of economically inactive women in their fifties.
It seems unfair that lots of women and some men decide to not work anymore.
Far more women do this than men. The usual excuse is that they need to look after her parents (not his parents, not my circus etc). The husband is generally expected to financially provide for his wife.
It is unusual that it is the man who retires early.

• the economic inactivity rate for women aged 50 to 64 remains statistically significantly higher, at 31.3% in 2024, when compared to men of the same age (23.2%) Gov.UK

Why is it unfair @Parkmalarky ? I think married couples need to make their retirement plans jointly, but I'm single, 61 and retired. Not on any benefits.