DH surprising me with possible (very) early retirement

[Aggyagro]

Ok so I know this is his decision, but it will definitely affect us both. We are both early fifties and I am in the situation where due to taking time out of pension contributions and doing freelance work when the 3 DCs were young I know I’ll need to work to retirement age.
We go halves on bills, he is the bigger wage earner and I pay the mortgage whereas he does loads of other things. All ok. But now he has started saying that with the DCs all moved out and nearly independent he’ll be looking to take early retirement in the next few years. He’s been paying into his pension and doing all the sums. He says it will mean a sacrifice but it’s ‘doable’. It just means that we will have to do fewer things like takeaways and cut back a bit. Call me mad but I’m struggling to see the advantage to this. When I ask what he plans to do with his time he says ‘nothing,’ with a grin…
Then he says maybe travel more, but then I point out that I’ll still be working and that we’ll have less money, which doesn’t seem to work logically. I can see a few problems ahead, or am I just being selfish?

This baffles me. I don’t understand how you’re not managing your finances as a couple and working out when you can both retire and what your retirement looks like. You can’t manage this unilaterally- it just doesn’t make any sense to retire with no joint plan.

Im going against the grain here, if he can contribute his share then why not. My husband won’t be dictating to me when i can retire and off the back of that i can’t dictate when he will providing he can still contribute what is required.

In an ideal world you both retire together but either one imposing the other continues to work as one can’t retire yet will end in resentment. Theres no way i would be working an extra 5 years for example because my husband needed to work until state pension age. That is all based on the retiree being able to contribute the fair amount though.

How early? How old are you both?

As he’s the higher earner, why on earth are you paying the mortgage plus half the bills? No wonder he’s been topping up his pension while you bankroll him.

My husband retired 4 years before me. I had no issues with that - he'd worked really hard, in a demanding job, and he'd earned it. He'd done all his sums, checked his investments etc, so I didn't notice any difference financially. He's been able to enjoy lots of hobbies and has had no regrets.
Let's face it, OP, we are the lucky generation who can retire early - it won't be the same for future generations. If the opportunity is there, we should take it. Retiring young is better for our health and general wellbeing - please support your husband with his plans.

I would not agree to this op, and would insist on retiring together. You don’t have to passively accept his incredibly selfish suggestion.

I don't understand why you will need to work until retirement age while he is looking at deciding on retiring early. As a couple you should have the same standard of living and he should definitely be exploring you both retiring at the same time

I think he sounds selfish

So rather than working out when you can retire together his plan is yet again you carry the sacrifice

the problem is he gets to take time out to retire & sit on his ass.

OP will work an extra 15 years & will not get that opportunity

OP earns less presumably as she took time out of work. her pension is worth less as she took time out.

She took time out to look after their children., not to sit on her ass.

Its not fair that husband gets to retire so early

The problem is that he gets to retire very early so the OP won’t have the chance to retire at all early

Why didn’t he top up your earnings and pension when you were staying at home bringing up the children etc? He wouldn’t have been able to work/earn the same amount without you parenting solo

Did DH give you money to make up for him not staying at home 50% with the kids? Did he ensure that he was paying into a private pension or ISA in your name during that time? If not, is he planning on filling that pay and savings gap for you now? If not, then I don't think he can expect to retire quite yet.

DH and me have been together 30 years, 24 of them married. Financial decisions that affect the marriage (and let's be honest, that boils down to most decisions) are decided and planned for together. Retirement planning is definitely a joint decision within a marriage.

My response would be “That’s great, as you will be home full time and I’ll be out working, you will be able to take over the running of the house and garden. Let’s sit down and look through my list of current daily, weekly, monthly and annual tasks that you will be able to take off my plate”.

I would say
Darling you know I am well behind you on both earnings and pension because I looked after the children. It would be kind of you to consider me in these financial decisions and work a few more years helping me financially, so that I can pay into my pension and maybe not have to work another 15 years. Surely it would be fairer if we could both retire at the same time. I have sacrificed a lot that has allowed you to be in this comfortable financial position.
Then silence until it sinks in and he responds.
You'll at least know where you are.

Fuck no. If one of us is retiring, then ‘we’re’ retiring, unless someone wants to keep working, or obvs if health reasons force something. I can’t even imagine it, like ‘righto I’m all good, you carry on I’ll make you a sarnie before work if you like’. Insane

It's not just 'his' pension pot, private pensions are joint assets. You earned half when you took time out/worked part time to raise your joint children.

Tell him you either work out when you can both afford to retire on your joint pensions, or you'll divorce him and go after half.

How selfish. I think you have sacrificed enough.

Can’t see how it can possibly work. He says he wants to do nothing - prepare yourself for a moaning, miserable depressed man. Wants to travel - how’s that going to happen when money will be tight and you will be restricted with holiday entitlement.
Sorry, I think your resentment will grow and his wonderful idea has disaster written all over it.

Fuck that. What a selfish prick.

I’d expect to see the spreadsheet. With income, savings, investments, expenses, drawdown and on and on.

How many elderly people with severe health issues have you looked after @Parkmalarky ?

I would suggest you try looking after someone who is frail and has no awareness of their surroundings, capacity to look after themselves or keep themselves safe, whilst working full time and then come back and tell us how you you think it is unfair that a high percentage of women in their 50's are not working.

I’m planning to retire early but have been talking about it with DH and showing him the workings for at least 4 years- I won’t retire for another 17 years minimum! You can’t spring this on your spouse as they need to make their own plans- as I hoped he might DH has now also been reconfiguring his plans so we can do it together.

'You go halves on bills, you pay the mortgage, he is the bigger wage earner' and now he wants to retire early while you keep working, despite raising his 3 children. You opted out of your pension while he happily kept his topped up?

Why are you married to such a man? Yabu tbh to still be married to him

Leave him, get whats yours in the divorce and start again

What kind of man is this

Presumably he didn't pay voluntary national insurance contributions and into a private pension for you when you both mutually decided that you'd take the career and pension hit by working less and freelance to enable him to prioritise his career, earnings and pensions when your children were small?

Does it have to be all, or nothing? Could he go part time in his current job, or do another job for enough days per week that you don’t have to make lifestyle cutbacks?

I can understand a stressful job getting too much in your 50s, but you don’t have to not work at all.

it smells to me as if he thinks you had an easy life with small dc and it’s his turn now…