DH surprising me with possible (very) early retirement

[Aggyagro]

Ok so I know this is his decision, but it will definitely affect us both. We are both early fifties and I am in the situation where due to taking time out of pension contributions and doing freelance work when the 3 DCs were young I know I’ll need to work to retirement age.
We go halves on bills, he is the bigger wage earner and I pay the mortgage whereas he does loads of other things. All ok. But now he has started saying that with the DCs all moved out and nearly independent he’ll be looking to take early retirement in the next few years. He’s been paying into his pension and doing all the sums. He says it will mean a sacrifice but it’s ‘doable’. It just means that we will have to do fewer things like takeaways and cut back a bit. Call me mad but I’m struggling to see the advantage to this. When I ask what he plans to do with his time he says ‘nothing,’ with a grin…
Then he says maybe travel more, but then I point out that I’ll still be working and that we’ll have less money, which doesn’t seem to work logically. I can see a few problems ahead, or am I just being selfish?

My dad did this and it was a bad idea because he wasn’t loaded and isn’t a hobbies person. My poor DM will probably be working into her 80s!

Sounds a bit similar to me.

DP has just retired and I could if I wanted to but at the moment feel it would be bad for my mental health. Assuming physically I stay fit would like to carry on for a few more years.

Surely you are a partnership and you plan to retire together. We’ve always ensured we have similar sized pension pots and ISAs regardless of who is the higher earner or has taken time out to look after children.

@VaddaABeetch I would like more detail before making assumptions

It's 2025. I am going to assume OP made a choice and could have continued working and split childcare bills

About the mortgage, for all we know the mortgage is £200 a month and he is paying everything else.

I shouldn't have commented because there is no information really. Cutting back on a few takeaways doesn't seem a big deal. Paying all his bills IS a big deal.

Maybe he wants to have some fun. Maybe OP will want a divorce. Who knows.

This.

There have been so many similar posts recently I’m struggling to believe this is for real already.

I would either say "well I'm not working if you're not so I'll retire at the same time".
Or "great, from the day you retire I will never cook another dinner or clean another toilet - that's all your job now". See how he likes that. If he protests give him the side eye and remind him half that pension is yours if you get divorced.

My husband is 14 years older so he will retire before me (though our joint aim is for me to retire a bit earlier than I normally would so the gap will be closed by a few years - all my bonuses are going into my pension for this reason). I am happy for my husband to retire first though because (a) his job is so stressful I'm worried it might kill him before he gets to retire (b) he will automatically take over most of the cooking and household stuff - he already does a fair split, (c) our mortgage is already paid off and (d) he wouldn't want to go off travelling without me!

My dad was more like your H. He retired as soon as he was allowed to draw his company pension at 55 (I'm now 51 and the thought if retiring in 3-4 years is laughable). But still expected my mum to work (as it was "only part time") and do all the cooking and cleaning. She just accepted it. I would have been hopping mad!

This is a decision to make together and you also need to both be on board with lifestyle and how you are going to fund retirement.

Leaving aside him retiring first, like PP I would want to understand what the plan is- not a finger in the air and flippant remark about fewer takeaways. Because if his money runs out while you're still working it is you who will end up funding everything. I'd want to understand his financial planning fully, including what he has planned if the stock market takes a dive (which it may well do in the short/mid term). Unless he has a financial adviser running it all, making a decent plan is a fairly significant undertaking and I'd want to be sure that he has done the work (or see the advice he has received).

On him retiring first, how do you feel about it? It doesn't really sound as if has thought it through at all, if he hasn't realised you won't be available for impromptu holidays. Do you actually want to retire?

Generally I find split finances for married people a complete headfuck- so many decisions have to be considered as a unit, it's always going to be a struggle if you don't either share finances or ensure you both have the same. Particularly as you get older and have to think about things like downsizing, provision for care etc- how on earth does it work if one of you has a larger pension than the other?

What is the point of one of you being retired, pointless.
In my opinion you both work towards retirement and do the financial planning together to achieve this at the same time.
My partner and I have both agreed to this as neither of us wants to be retired without the other one.
Retirement is a huge life change and needs a lot of planning.

My neighbour has done this. Their mortgage is paid off, he's retired early and his wife is still working full time (she loves her job & wouldn't retire even if she won the lottery!). Tbf, she pays very little towards bills etc, as house in his name, he wouldn't ever add her to the deeds, so she refused to contribute.

I suspect he's having a MLC or an affair, or both.

This. Higher earner contributes more!

Same! Although it wasn't a younger woman, it was a woman around his age who also took early retirement. I never found out whether it had been planned beforehand.

I couldn't be with someone who would wave me off to work every day knowing it was because I did more childcare. He's benefitting from your sacrifice.

Are the pension contributions 50/50 (e.g you are both paying in £500 per month)?

Why is your retirement pot smaller? (Have you funded the maximum you can in every year if your earnings are low?)

Half his pension is yours too as you are a married unit! What age exactly does he want to retire at? Might it be worth meeting each other half way and saying he works another three years longer than he wishes (or other amount that works for both if you) but you both put money into an account to save to buy voluntary pension credits for you from the government. So you both retire maybe a few years early but continue to pay into a state pension for you so that at the official retirement age you will get a state pension.

Other ideas would be could you both take a career break for a year and go travelling and then go back part time for a few years? Whatever happens he should help with your pension contributions as how much you have will affect both your retirements - can you pay extra into your work pension now? I bought back some state pension years and my partner had a grumble that I was spending so much on my pension and he should buy some too but I pointed out that he still had more years of contributions than me and our finances are linked so we should be thinking of both our pensions as a unit, if we both continue to contribute we will get full pensions. He completely agreed when he looked at it that way.

This

No.

He should be contributing to the mortgage until that is paid off and then you work out a sensible time for you both to retire, ideally within six months or so of each other.

I’m not sure if it’s relevant in your situation OP, but Martin Lewis Money Saving Expert has spoken about how people missing out on National Insurance contributions because of childcare responsibilities in the past can apply to the government to get NI top ups towards their pension. Some people have plugged gaps in their state pensions worth thousands apparently. Worth looking into for your own benefit if it may apply to you.

You need to look at the numbers OP. My DH is a chunk older than me and I’m the later age to access SP, so creates quite a big gap between us each getting our SP. We each have occupational pensions, some at 60, some at 67. He has a tough job, pays ok but stressful so he wants to retire very soon. I was always planning to leave work early because I wasn’t prepared to work a job I wasn’t really enjoying, full time for 15 years whilst he was retired. So we compromised. He is going later than he ideally would want, I am going early. It’s all about what’s affordable. You can buy your years worth of NIC contributions to make up your full ‘stamp’ for full SP, it’s not that expensive (you can only retrospectively buy six years). But you need to get into the numbers, what you will each get income wise and what year vs living costs. Stop being so passive!

There's something so deeply unattractive about people who don't want to work when they are working age. I would find it an utter turn off OP, a huge ick.

You will probably end up at the least supplementing him financially if not fully supporting him.

Life isn't going to get any cheaper.

I think he's foolish to take an early retirement in this economic climate

But OP doesn't want a househusband. And she doesn't want to pennypinch. Which is fair enough IMHO.

It's not 'an excuse'. The care system is not fit for purpose, and people...women....save the country a small fortune by looking after parents. And pils.

You should be working together as a team and that means making decisions together. He wants to scrimp now, so HE can retire earlier but knowing you can't. If you earn less, and haven't paid into your pension as much due to being at home with your children, why are you paying more towards the bills?! Surely by doing this, you're allowing him the luxury of being able to retire earlier!! My husband is nearly 53 and I've just turned 51, but when my husband retires, so will I!! My husband isn't expecting me to continue working for another year or so, whilst he retires. Quite honestly I think your husband is being an arse. If you'd been 15 years younger, I could perhaps understand you not retiring at the same time as your husband, but that's not the case.

@Aggyagro Can you tell him you wish to do the same so there you need to sit down both of you and calculate when you can afford to both retire TOGETHER.