DH surprising me with possible (very) early retirement

[Aggyagro]

Ok so I know this is his decision, but it will definitely affect us both. We are both early fifties and I am in the situation where due to taking time out of pension contributions and doing freelance work when the 3 DCs were young I know I’ll need to work to retirement age.
We go halves on bills, he is the bigger wage earner and I pay the mortgage whereas he does loads of other things. All ok. But now he has started saying that with the DCs all moved out and nearly independent he’ll be looking to take early retirement in the next few years. He’s been paying into his pension and doing all the sums. He says it will mean a sacrifice but it’s ‘doable’. It just means that we will have to do fewer things like takeaways and cut back a bit. Call me mad but I’m struggling to see the advantage to this. When I ask what he plans to do with his time he says ‘nothing,’ with a grin…
Then he says maybe travel more, but then I point out that I’ll still be working and that we’ll have less money, which doesn’t seem to work logically. I can see a few problems ahead, or am I just being selfish?

I’d want to see numbers. How much his pension will be. How much it could be if he was carrying in fir a few more years too.
Youd need to look at all possibilities es, incl you not being able to carry on working until retirement age. Or how to top up your pension at a similar level than his (which really you should have discussed when you stepped down work wise)

IF he can carry in keeping up with his 50%, then I’d very happily tell him to do that.
And he’ll be a SAH person, he can also take on all the cooking, cleaning, work in the house. Just like you’ve done before. Because he’ll be doing nothing (and this time properly nothing) and you’ll be working so …. 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

Fwiw I feel that you need to separate how feasible it is first him to stop (so financial side) and resentment that you’ve given up a lot by stepping down work wise and it grates that he is getting benefit from it twice - once at the time by keeping his career and now by being able to stop much earlier whikst you’re the one who keeps the house running.
What you absolutely do not want is a situation where you’re subsidising him to retire…..

His life would have barely changed. I daresay he would've got family to help or a nanny.

I'll still be working for 20 years after my partner retires.

I find it preposterous that anyone would retire before their mortgage is paid off. But I guess your selfish husband doesn't care about that because YOU pay the mortgage. How exactly did that come about? You paying all of the mortgage when he was the higher earner?

How many years are left on your mortgage and how much is left to pay?

Your DH comes across as very selfish, it hasn't even occurred to him that a married couple would make a joint decision on retirement. He seems not to care about the situation you'll be left in. Selfish, selfish man.

But he's not, thats the point!!! He has told the OP 'He says it will mean a sacrifice but it’s ‘doable’. It just means that we will have to do fewer things like takeaways and cut back a bit"

So basically, their lifestyle will change and it will become far more austere - which means that after working your entire life you have actually less leisure /enjoyment than you did whilst working.

Thats an utterly shit deal for the OP lol

I don't understand why it's always pitched as a 'poor hard done by woman' when in fact it's 'damn that's so lucky being in a position where one of you can SAH and it was agreed it was the woman'. And because of that, he had to sacrifice family time, whilst the OP sacrificed earning capacity. There is always some way to 'shore up' the financial side. But not a way to get back missing out on family growing up.

Whilst I agree that the decision needs to be mutual. Always. Go in with your eyes open and ask about what happens later.

Maybe your DH wants to retire so he can spend quality time with his young adult children?

If he has enough in his pot, unless his employer matches contributions it makes sense to turn off contributions to his and max out what you’re putting into yours for a few years to balance it out a bit. It should be household income and affordability for you both to retire or wind down, unless health or age is having an impact more on one of you.

that all said, we’re entirely joint finances and I would never have sacrificed my pension during the baby years. Different strokes and all that!

What sacrifice is he speaking of? One his retirement will force on you, or the greater one you made, financially, in bearing and raising his children?
If he reckons the next few years will be very much tighter without his salary, don’t you fall for any guff about him paying less that half shares henceforth, all the same. You've been doing it on a very unequal basis til now.
Let him retire, certainly. But any ‘sacrifice’ needs to be his.
And it goes without saying that all housework will be his responsibility now.

Did you read the OP? he doesnt want to spend more time with his kids- they are all gown up. He wants to "travel more" knowing the OP cannot go with him as she is working.

Do you not see anything wrong with this scenario because I can.....

Age gap? That would make some sense, obvs you can’t have some poor ninety year old working, but otherwise, why?

Marriage is a partnership and that includes any decisions - you need to talk calmly and seriously together about how you see the future panning out. There really should be no ‘yours’ and ‘mine’ it should be ours and us!!

24 months won't in the grand scheme of things impact your contributions. Instead of saying we'll done or that's such a good position be in everyone is being negative. It's okay to have a husband who leads the family you are a team but he is your husband not a partner. Good for you very lucky he is good with money. In the view of divorce all finances are looked at so you will be protected pay no attention to detractors. If you want to work selectively that is great that is what he is giving you a choice. Very lucky

This makes no sense whatsoever! if he retires you cannot afford a takeaway and yet he apparently seems to be planning to travel all over the world.

Does he realise how much travel costs?! Its sure as hell more expensive than a bloody takeaway.

I am sorry OP but this sounds all kinds of dodgy to me.

Surely if you took time away from work due to dc his pension is actually half yours?

I get so cross when I read these types of posts. Not only is he be financially selfish and unfair, when he does retire you’ll be directly impacted as you won’t have his income to pay for what he’s paying for now. So selfish!

Caring for babies and young children is hard physical, mentally draining work that you have to pay other people to do if you don't want to do it. Spending time with adult children is having a nice time.

OP is bloody paying for being a SAHM then and now. There is nothing remotely fair about it.

Exactly.

Being retired doesn’t mean doing nothing. I’m early retired & do lots of hobbies, travel & volunteering. I was much more boring when I was working!

But he literally said he was going to do "nothing" so its relevant to the OP's scenario

I’d hope this'd be as good as taken for granted, even by a man such as OP’s husband, who sounds a bit rum.

We do have an age gap, but he's also retiring a few years early due to an inheritance from his parents.

How much does he earn? If he has invested in a stocks and shares isa, and netadjusted his income to his pension you are in a good position. American stocks have performed well the past decade and if he is in a tech job or finance it's likely he is privy to this. Once the mortgage has been paid your main costs have zeroed out.

First deplete cash isa>then your stocks>then private pension last.

A lot of my peers don't have a view point past a state pension. Ask him to see the numbers and the decide

I know a headmaster that did this. His wife was still working full time

It's not that hard, boring yes but not really hard. It's nowhere near as hard as being a working mum juggling childcare and work.

This would have me in a total panic. Unless he was a millionaire with a load of interests. Then I might be ok with it.

You need to know the numbers, completely. Size of pension pot, how much he would get at 25% tax free, how much a month without taking the 25% tax free etc. it’s both your money as you are a team. You have raised his children and now he’s done with those services from you, you’re slogging away for another 15 years. No, sorry.
DO NOT let him walk all over you on this..
Also, use that 25% to pay off the mortgage. Do budget spreadsheets, together. How much do you really need to retire on and when can you do that, together