The current state of MN and how do I stop reading?

[Westpoint]

I actually don't know where to start......

But WTF is happening recently? I mean I know AIBU isn't for the faint of heart but the pile on's have become ridiculous. For the experienced posters the ignore tactic works ok but the vitriol for no bloody reason whatsoever just kills the thread.

Yet I keep on reading?

I have a pretty full life but when I log on I do tend to come here and I'm often left with a really bad taste in my mouth.

Why are people just so combative these days?

I do realise the futility in posting this. Maybe I just need a massive boot up the arse (I'm sure I do).

What do people get from being so nasty?

It actually just makes me really sad. Yes, that's my problem I get it. It's just all so stupid, petty and a waste of everyone's time.

Anyway, that's my rant. Prepared to be unnecessarily flamed (well, I'm not actually, it will hurt my feelings but it's going to happen isn't it? I mean, I could post that puppies are cute and fluffy but some miserable cunt will come along along and tell me that their arse's stink, they shit all over their school run and because they are allergic NO-ONE should enjoy them).

This place really has become a victim of it's own success.

I think I might be out but it's hard to let go. I joined 15 years ago!

Oh God, the snide remarks about people's use of terminology that might be considered a bit whimsical or cringemaking. I'm not overly keen on holibobs, Crimbo, hun etc but imagine your one contribution to a thread where a woman is in crisis being to make a fool out of her because she called her husband hubby. Let's ignore the fact that she's been cheated on or beaten up or has a child with cancer and concentrate on the language she uses. And God forbid that she uses loose instead of lose. These are observations best kept for Pedants' Corner or a dedicated one off thread about SPAG niggles.

There are definitely some posters who deliberately post antagonistic replies just to get a rise out of people. You can spot them a mile away. It is hard not to bite, but I definitely think that is the answer, ie not to bite. They hate to be ignored because they feed off conflict. I had a spat with someone on a thread a few weeks ago because I couldn't just let it go, even though I knew she was deliberately (and subtly) goading me. As soon as I bit back, she reported me for what was a fairly innocuous comment and it was deleted. It was like something you would say in a very restrained tone to a cantankerous relative who was getting on your nerves. I wasn't pissed off at the deletion so much as the fact that I had stupidly walked right into it.

I think it's AIBU, mostly. I am 54 and used the Bounty site forums more when my children were young. The 'Debates' section there got really nasty and heated - and this was 20 years ago.

Whenever I login to a notification that I have been quoted by another poster, I feel scared to read it! I only reply or acknowledge them if they are positive or make me think that I could be wrong! If they're nasty, I ignore them.

I have noticed that every Friday morning there's either a post stirring up the man-haters or one about a man being in a ladies toilet. Every Friday. They are usually posted in AIBU and usually don't actually have a question so I am convinced they're posted by trolls.

I've been bullied and stalked on mumsnet.
Even the bizarre replies still have me laughing.
Now I just think if that's all they can do they must have some sad life's.

I have been on MN for 15 years, and I agree that it is much worse than when I joined. I left once a few years ago, mainly because I felt that racism was not being adequately challenged by MNHQ, but then I rejoined. I am close to leaving again, this time for good mainly because there is so much vitriol and a real lack of nuance to discussions. Also as an American, I am tired of the goady anti-American threads that pop up on a regular basis and that can often become personal.

And I miss the humor. I think most of the funny and witty posters departed long ago or else have self-muted.

I’m def not horrible- but I am certainly less tolerant of stupidity I think

And the app’s small print is messing up my eyes. Why am I on here…?

I left Mumsnet about a year ago for a good few months, because of a heavily pregnant lady posted about how she had wet herself in Co-op, and the vile, nasty comments to this poor mum who had just experienced an absolutely mortifying moment in public. People were telling her, it's all her fault she should have planned her toilet trips better! I couldn't believe the absolutely shocking lack of kindness!

I tend to come on here when I'm a bit bored, but the morbid curiosity is overwhelming! I really should work on my willpower.

Not to mention when two people get stuck into a little side argument and won’t let it drop! Infuriating.

I feel so sorry for you, having to deal with the anti-American comments and threads, it's all over various social media as well at the moment. I am not American, I do have an American sister-in-law. It's just vile, and often absurdly hypocritical. It really needs to stop, it's literally attacking people for being different and is very wrong. Where is the bloody kindness!

@KarriTreeSullivan Thank you for your post.

I think MN is open season for trolls, bots, racists, anger towards people on benefits, people who have a disability and so on. Many genuine posters seem to believe the responses to posts come from like-minded women - -in many cases this is just not true. I do think it is the fault of MN Ltd for continuing to sell it as a friendly site for women, supporting women's issues and so on. Very little effective moderation, the ability to constantly name change, send direct messages. It is set up for 2007 not 2025.

I agree that both these posters got treated very badly indeed! The vitriol was astonishing

It's been infiltrated by weird AI /bot stuff that gives me the creeps, especially when it's pushing an antifeminist agenda in the guise of "I can't help wondering if women today would be happier if.." It's sinister.

I agree. The scary thing is the potential for real damage to women in the real world, especially on threads concerning violence against women.

Now, I'm actually quite happy to see those posts. Because clearly they reflect the thinking of some people, and I'd rather those comments were out here in public where those who disagree have a chance to explain why we think they're wrong.
I think they're far less harmful than tearing to shreds a real person posting for advice. They spark discussion and you get to read some excellent replies from intelligent and thoughtful women which I've found had added much to my own knowledge and understanding of the issues.
I suppose we all look for different things. But in all honesty I'd find the old school MN as described a bit on the dull side as I enjoy the debates. I've had people be 'nasty' to me on here, but nothing I couldn't handle and far outweighed by people being thought provoking, respectful and laugh out loud funny.

It's actually pretty easy to jump out of a thread most of the time. And that's from a confirmed doom scroller.

Limit your time with an app if you need to

I feel the same. Tons of the posts seem like they’re written by a 14 year old.

I never understood this obsession for proving a thread is fake - who cares? People are here for entertainment, and support. Report dangerous advice, of course, but who actually cares if Aunty Doris had an argument with the neighbours about parking - or if it's just made up?

Some posters are also quick to call "bullying" when someone disagree.

There's a thread about a teacher calling a child "wet wipe", 63% voted that's it's fine but 37% think it's not acceptable. Put the 37% on a thread a bit heated, and they will scream about abuse when someone is just writing what goes through their head.

Yes, the much older threads are full of good humour whereas many posters seem to be looking for something to be offended by now.
It gets far too unkind for my liking.
I don't think the 'quote' button has helped at all & wish we didn't have it.

I came on here to say the same thing, especially the anger towards people on benefits. It gets way out of control and heaven forbid if you disagree with what someone says

I agreed with you until you used c#%t. I know i'm an adult and i know its just a word but I fucking detest that word.
Have a lovely day though😀

And I miss the humor. I think most of the funny and witty posters departed long ago or else have self-muted.

Same here. I wonder where they went? It's not that DC have grown up because the site was never just about parenting. I've looked around for alternatives but not found anything similar.
I'm 67 and been on MN since my mid 40s. I have even tried MN's poor relation Gransnet although I don't have GC, but it's very low traffic, definitely feels older and dominated by a handful of posters.

I think it’s mild compared to how it used to be. Actually not just mild but full of tedious threads like what is your annual income - none of your business and where’s the AIBU? It was never for the faint hearted but now so many posters take the huff if everyone doesn’t agree with them. Now I’m waiting for the Christmas dinner threads to bore me to tears. No wonder I prefer to read the classic threads - when people had a sense of humour.

I agree with this. I think the bun-fights of before were more witty and less nasty just for the sake of it.

Threads seem very samey now, less originality and clever humour. I think that's partly due to a shift in demographic.

I hide the Christmas threads. That does help.