The current state of MN and how do I stop reading?

[Westpoint]

I actually don't know where to start......

But WTF is happening recently? I mean I know AIBU isn't for the faint of heart but the pile on's have become ridiculous. For the experienced posters the ignore tactic works ok but the vitriol for no bloody reason whatsoever just kills the thread.

Yet I keep on reading?

I have a pretty full life but when I log on I do tend to come here and I'm often left with a really bad taste in my mouth.

Why are people just so combative these days?

I do realise the futility in posting this. Maybe I just need a massive boot up the arse (I'm sure I do).

What do people get from being so nasty?

It actually just makes me really sad. Yes, that's my problem I get it. It's just all so stupid, petty and a waste of everyone's time.

Anyway, that's my rant. Prepared to be unnecessarily flamed (well, I'm not actually, it will hurt my feelings but it's going to happen isn't it? I mean, I could post that puppies are cute and fluffy but some miserable cunt will come along along and tell me that their arse's stink, they shit all over their school run and because they are allergic NO-ONE should enjoy them).

This place really has become a victim of it's own success.

I think I might be out but it's hard to let go. I joined 15 years ago!

"Ladies, do you mind taking this outside, this is a classy establishment" 🤭.

By the end I was honestly so intrigued by this poster that part of me would have liked to have met up in a coffee shop for an honest discussion, but didn't want to suggest that for fear of sounding like I was threatening violence or something 😅

I agree OP. Although there was a time that I ended up talking to a MRA on here and compared to that most of the women suddenly didn't seem too bad. It just had such a juvenile and unpleasant feel to it. I realised a lot of the female posters on MN are actually genuinely upset. They really do see things in black and white and they don't see irony. Or they are just so unhappy they can't stop projecting their own stuff onto every single post. I've found certain times like weekends and early evening better - more balanced, normal people at that time.

I was thinking this last night. Two threads were almost unreadable due to the fighting. One was about a missing child.

I’ve been here for almost twenty years. I’ve definitely noticed that it flares up every now and then and then calms back down. It’s much bigger than it was which means sadly that it’s less supportive.

Been on here over a decade. Would never start my own thread and hardly ever comment! Commented today on something I know about, but it’s usually not worth the effort. I agree OP.

I have just discovered you can block private messages, in settings. That should stop some of the weirder feedback!

No idea but you can’t delete anything on here. There’s a very short time to edit a post but that’s it. Only MNHQ can delete a thread or post.

I have really noticed how when an OP posts about a genuine concern (something, which I am sure would actually bother the majority of normal people) she gets treated like a freak and made to feel stupid by all of the cool mnetters who would never be bothered by such trivial nonsense (partner of a year not coming home, husband going out for lunch with another woman etc)

Ah thanks. I read it as we were likely to be vitriolic and was surprised.

I joined years ago and recently came back after taking a break for a few years. What I’ve noticed is the influx of men……especially on threads where the woman’s been cheated on and men defend the man’s behaviour. A lot of these have female usernames but you can tell they’re men.

It was rare to find them here years ago….unless they were posting about the lack of their wife’s sex drive 🙄 or perving in the Sex section but now it’s teeming with manplainers.

I'm personally really uncomfortable with posters being accused of being AI because I think it's a form of tone policing. There's very much an accepted/standard way of writing a MN post and anything that differs from this tends to get shot down.

If it's got misspellings or is a bit rambling then that gets attacked, but if it's too formal then it gets jumped on as being AI. While that may be correct some of the time (we never find out so those who say they can "always" spot it could be way off), it also affects people who may be new to the site, may be ND, may have misjudged it for some reason. I see it as a form of bullying for not "fitting in" and I find it really troubling.

I am not a fan of a person being labelled far right or racist for simply disagreeing with the high levels of immigration and the way it is being managed. There seems to be a contingent that are very uncomfortable with anyone that sees life differently to them.

Older posters are the problem, despite it being nothing like this years ago? I'm not following your logic there.

I agree though OP, I don't enjoy it here anymore. People are arseholes so unnecessarily, I spend half my time just defending the OPs. It's also far more dick pander-y than it used to be, I feel a lot of the amazing wisdom that used to be shared, has gone. The feminist boards are still good, but the rest is like looking at the worst stereotypes about women, being given a place to flourish.

Yep, I’m 63 myself and not particularly sharp tongued either but I do think the focus of a lot of posts has changed maybe due to an age shift in many posters and hence are likely to involve topics that get more ‘heated’ responses - I do think many ( not all) older women often have less tolerance for dickish behaviour and more likely to give robust responses - there’s no doubting though that there are some plain nasty responses on many threads and to be frank some plain nasty threads started, many of which I think are a combination of bored agitators/journalists/political agitators / - it’s well known women are often the swing voters and mumsnet has a pretty large reach -‘let’s plant discord and division’ I feel is happening- for instance some people only comment only if it’s on anything ‘political’ - to me that feels unusual that you would be a regular on mumsnet purely for commenting on political posts. I mean blimey, I’m on everything from elderly parents to money to relationships to style !! It’s the same with certain men, ( and you know they are men) always pop up on anything related ‘only’ to porn or sex , never seen elsewhere on the site.

What’s being old got to do with it?

Ive been on here since l was 42 twenty years ago. I haven’t suddenly turned horrible.

I’m same OP. I suppose that’s what most addictions end up like. You don’t really like it and know it isn’t healthy for you but do it anyway. It might take a few attempts to quit before you manage it permanently. I’m building up to another quit so hopefully this may be my last time.

In fact I’m going to delete my account now you’ve inspired me.

I tend to stop with the thread titles with one spelling mistake I am noticing them more, now this is nothing boring with mispelling but it is consistently one deliberate mistake that I pick up on with the first op itself so stop when I realise

When being an OP of a thread you have to be FIRM with them they’re like naughty children any sense of weakness and they’ll stomp all over you. I’ve been posting under a variety of name changes for a while (so as not to be outed to anyone I know) you must show no weakness, be a little rude/blunt (but no swearing or name calling! Even if you don’t get your comment deleted straight away they will sense your emotions and treat you like a savage beast in an enclosure that they are observing) be clever with your blunt/rude responses

Make sure your spag is to a decent level I’ve seen posters with quite serious life problems post asking for advice only to get lambasted for their poor grammar. Posters take poor spag as a sign of weakness and will stick the knife in extra hard on those threads. It’s quite soul destroying to see actually.

Mumsnet is not a safe space for the first time user with a serious problem!!

Contrarianism is off the charts you can see two different threads about the same thing but with the ops having opposite opinions and 99% of people will only comment to disagree

Honestly don't see this in sub-forums, only AIBU.
Well occasionally maybe. I start a lot of threads in sub-forums and most are nice.

I have 😂

I must admit AIBU is my guilty pleasure but then I’m someone who used to partake to “roast me” Facebook groups as a young teen where you’d post pictures of your face and people would well do their best to “roast “ you.

mumsnet isn’t for the faint hearted either but i do feel bad for people who are new here when they post about their serious life issues looking for advice and get torn to shreds. I can’t imagine the fact you can’t just delete a thread helps

Or just ignore them. Why feed them? And fuck worrying about grammar.

I’d say it’s like a baby deer walking into a den of rabid lions actually

The thing with AIBU in particular is it is so many different things in one place.

*It's people posting for traffic - not really wondering whether they ABU
*It's people posting to stir 'controversy' - think "AIBU to believe every dog over the size of a chihuahua/immigrant/person not using the right fork should be shot at dawn"
*It's people who wouldn't have to ask the question if they just spoke to the child/sibling/partner/employee/friend/colleague that's annoyed them.
*It's people who clearly think they are not BU and get very annoyed if anyone thinks they are.

*And then there are people who genuinely want a range of opinions about a particular issue.

The stir controversy ones want the vitriol, and honestly it's hard to argue against having a bit of a vent on those. The ones that could just have had a conversation with someone annoy posters who are maybe more assertive and so you end up with people maybe being a little intolerant. The ones that don't want to be disagreed with tend to characterise anyone who does disagree as a bully - not saying some people aren't bullying but that's not necessarily the intention.

The people with a genuine issue get sucked into all that as posters have got used to responding on AIBU in a particular way.

Also, as always, we don't all necessarily read posts in the same way. I've been accused of being rude when that really hasn't been the intention, and I've also seen posts that I think are a bit much which others don't appear to have a problem with.