The current state of MN and how do I stop reading?

[Westpoint]

I actually don't know where to start......

But WTF is happening recently? I mean I know AIBU isn't for the faint of heart but the pile on's have become ridiculous. For the experienced posters the ignore tactic works ok but the vitriol for no bloody reason whatsoever just kills the thread.

Yet I keep on reading?

I have a pretty full life but when I log on I do tend to come here and I'm often left with a really bad taste in my mouth.

Why are people just so combative these days?

I do realise the futility in posting this. Maybe I just need a massive boot up the arse (I'm sure I do).

What do people get from being so nasty?

It actually just makes me really sad. Yes, that's my problem I get it. It's just all so stupid, petty and a waste of everyone's time.

Anyway, that's my rant. Prepared to be unnecessarily flamed (well, I'm not actually, it will hurt my feelings but it's going to happen isn't it? I mean, I could post that puppies are cute and fluffy but some miserable cunt will come along along and tell me that their arse's stink, they shit all over their school run and because they are allergic NO-ONE should enjoy them).

This place really has become a victim of it's own success.

I think I might be out but it's hard to let go. I joined 15 years ago!

I’ve used MN on and off for about 12 years and it’s always been this way. AIBU is always the worst. It’s just the nature of it I guess. You’re asking people to decide whether a person’s actions are ‘unreasonable’ or not so it will always create divisions.

I remember regretting posting on here once years ago because I’d just changed driving instructors after the previous one was messing me around and my former instructor had chosen to just sit outside of my house in his car for ages. It was really weird, no reason whatsoever for him to be there at that time. It was also at a time when he knew I’d ordinarily be leaving my house to do the school run but that day I didn’t need to because DC were off.

Anyway everyone totally ripped into me, basically called me a psycho and told me to get help! Everyone I know in real life said it was a weird thing for him to do. I haven’t asked for help on here since.

People on the chat board, in contrast, are generally super helpful. My DS was assaulted on the way home from school a few years ago and I posted on chat about it. Someone recommended I get him into Army Cadets to make new friends because he had been struggling that year with friendship groups generally. Best advice ever, he’s now gearing up to become NCO and he loves it. That poster really helped my DS out, he has lots of friends there and it’s done wonders for his confidence.

So, you know, AIBU is toxic but the other boards can be brilliant.

I voted YABU because Mumsnet is much nicer than most forums but if you don't like it you can still vote with your feet.

If you need any voluntary moderators, reach out. I’m sure plenty might be interested for a couple of hours once or twice a week

Yesterday a load of people had a go at a poster that was showing pictures of her cat having kittens. They'd found homes for all of the kittens, but that wasn't good enough for some nutters because there are rescue shelters full of cats - as if other people's abandonment of cats was the OPs fault. Utter madness. If all cats got spayed, we'd have no cats eventually.

@Sandp1p3r

It used to be a safe space for all mums what ever difficulties they had and whatever minority group they came from

It’s important, I think, to point out that Mumsnet - like any other online community - has never been, and never can be - a safe space. By definition it’s open for anyone to read, and comment (assuming they’re registered).

Good example is the thread about the kittens being born. Full of vile hatred and pissing on some cute news x

This is the thread I mean

People on here just love to argue unfortunately

They need a response to carry that spar on. And there are many people who do get drawn in and then pointless arguments....

It’s not about ‘other people having a rant’. It’s about posters being deliberately rude and obstructive and behaving in a bullying manner. To be honest, the person having a rant is more likely to be the victim of this type of needlessly aggressive pile on.

Exactly this. We all like a whinge. Some here only post to pull people down.

After my last post saying - I'm not coming back, well erm, I'm here still....🤷😬😆.

I realise that in certain corners here, when you need other mums in the same difficult niche situation, you can get some great support and guidance and also feeling less isolated.

I also have been educated alot on things and have shifted done views to consider alternative thoughts. That's through the Feminism board and in political threads.

It is never on the AIBU pages. Those are where it gets messy and nasty.

Except now 😁

You develop a thick skin on mumsnet. In amongst the thorns there's some roses.

Because narcissists used to hide in plain sight, now they are all over social media

Mnhq could make an excellent start by deleting ableist threads before they really get going, because it seems that disabled people are thoroughly hated on Mumsnet yet mnhq have a real aversion to actually deleting posts and threads that are degrading and hateful towards disabled people.

Although remember when you could CAT people rather than message? Ill never forget an argument that ended with "CAT me, you cunt!"
But even that was quite funny

Ah that's a shame-I was reading that thread at the start and I didn't see any posts like that AT ALL, what happened!

I'm convinced that a lot of the very antagonistic posters are men who are here purely to grind women down and put them in their place. They want to normalise the financial and emotional abuse of women.

I actually believe this to be true. I've watched some great podcasts recently about this.

SMedia doesn't create low empathy but it will exacerbate and create a petri dish for those who were hiding it publicly. For the generation growing up on SM I do wonder whether it would actually mould the potential for zero empathy and more narc like behaviours.

It's known that people are more inclined to film on their phones than help someone. I wonder what proportion of our population would go straight to filming now. not caring once to try help.

I agree ref the bullies.

Re the SEN, it's absolutely off the scale regards the true prevalence. According to the Autistic Society, a huge rise is due to people who were hiding all their life, having ' mental health ' challenges and now thinking, hang on a minute, do I actually have this bullshit BPD some random old male doctor has told me.

Maybe the problem is we use the word SEN. When in reality, the population is so huge that ND people aren't actually 'special.'

If we have a group up to 30% of the population, that's a random estimate i am making, then ND people are a prevalent part of society. The rigid structures are therefore what need to change, the education system especially.

Great documentary on BBC ATM about this. That gal from EastEnders presents it.

I wish the mods were more strong on the racism.

@JustineMumsnet

And ableism, benefit bashing and ageism.

All rampant on this forum.

Yes, the ageism on Mumsnet is shocking as are the casual use of slurs used to describe older women

It sometimes stands for a poster who has the temerity to mildly disagree with something on the FWR board. Sometimes also such a poster being referred to as a 'handmaiden' or a 'man'

Mens’ Rights Activists

https://www.splcenter.org/resources/extremist-files/mens-rights-activists/