DH said I’m selfish for having a dessert with birthday meal

[Paulaloves]

Apologies if TMI but I suffer from IBS and have certain trigger foods. I largely avoid these but occasionally treat myself when it’s an occasion such as my birthday.

It was my 40th meal at the weekend with friends so I decided to have a dessert i’d usually avoid. In front of our friends, DH acted funny and asked if me having that’s a good idea. When I said yes I will it’s my birthday, he said I was being selfish and it’d be him who has to suffer the consequences later. Really embarrassing in front of company.

Do you think I was being unreasonable?

Douche

He is vile.

Not kidding I had to Google that 😂

What on earth are you people on, it's really not that hard. A woman wants to treat herself on her birthday, something she hardly ever gets to do, even if it means a little suffering later. Not going to harm anyone, isn't everyday and certainly isn't going to make her obese or paraplegic. People just have extreme views based on their experiences. And men are so insensitive (unless you found one of the amazing ones) and actually he is being selfish! I would just be like, course babe, I hate people telling people they shouldn't do this or that.

All days are once in a lifetime

again, my standards don't really change because I've spent time with someone.

What I would find it unattractive or off-putting on a first date still applies later. No need to feel sorry for me, I feel comfortable in a pleasant environment 😂

I am sure some people will have the same sexual interest for someone very "comfortable" and will fancy sex as often and as much as they did at the beginning. I am not risking it personally.

I don't find someone farting next to me remotely attractive, or funny, or entertaining or comfortable. So what? Many of us don't.

Do you actually go to a&e or is that a joke?

Hey hun I'm a grown woman and can make my own decisions!

How is OP selfish because once in a blue moon she eats something that might upset her tummy once or twice?! The general public could have that issue multiple times a month and no one would bat an eyelid.

I mean if someone is going to stink the place out deliberately, then yes they are being unreasonable 😂😂😂

It’s not about finding the act of farting attractive, it’s about finding a level of connection with someone that means you’re comfortable, not on edge, not assuming they’ll suddenly stop having sex with you because they realise that shock, horror! you fart 🙄

Miserable existence. If you’d fart on the couch if you lived alone, you should be able to fart on the couch with your partner. I wouldn’t want to change how I live in my private space because of a judgemental partner.

Unless the consequences are you emptying the contents of your bowels on to his bare chest, then no you’re not being unreasonable.

I think it's so sad how many people are in relationships with partners who don't like them.
You just don't embarrass the person you love in this way.

What an absolute arse! You have one 40th. You'll always remember that he said that. You should show him this thread. Happy Birthday xx

How self centred and selfish us bowel disease sufferers are! We selfishly get diagnosed and then dare to eat indulgent things sometimes! Thank god none of us on here have you for a partner if that's how you look down upon us! There is no consequences to the partner generally! It's us that suffer! Most houses have two tourists these days if a partner is that concerned! Thank god my partner has never called me selfish and self centred! He's actually pretty good about it and I'm grateful to him for that.

Bowel disease doesn't really do that, things don't stay in your bowel quick enough to be that smelly if you are reacting to something.

I don't think some of you have a clue about bowel disease! It doesn't particularly mean you smell and sit there farting! For me it means having to go for a shit three times when I wake up in the morning and maybe sometimes going 5 times in all during a morning, certain foods are harder to digest, some can cause fairly sudden bowel urgency on a fairly rare occasion.

I think he was being unreasonable to say that infront of everyone

However, IBS parts are absolutely foul..... my dad used to stink our entire house out and we had a huge house! I'll never forget that smell. YABU to knowingly inflict that on someone

You have very strange ideas of how some people live, and you must be very obsessed with farts if you genuinely believe we are on edge or even think about them 😂

That really doesn't take so much headspace in our lives. I am not on edge for a first date, I am not on edge after years of marriage either

You are very weird.

What a twat. I hope you had a happy birthday despite him OP

It’s frustrating that stupid things like this get perpetuated in society, making everyone think that normal things are “disgusting”. Same reason girls get embarrassed about their periods, because grown women think their own bodies are “gross”. I’m just fed up with a backwards society. That’s far more weird than actually being comfortable in my own home.

I voted UR. My DH suffers from a digestion health problem caused by not restricting the amount plus what he eats and drinks. It falls to me to not only listen ( and sympathise 🤔) as he complains and moans about how ill he feels for the next 2days or more. I also have the stress and worry of possibly having to drive him , usually 3am, to A& E yet again. Had to do this 4 times last year plus cutting short a few days away. It's a very selfish attitude

Everyone is different. I’ll tell my DP that I don’t know anything about his condition, and that he’s “doing it wrong” because FlyMeSomewhere said so on mumsnet. Maybe I’ll do it while he’s wired up to his next infusion 🙄

If someone with a bowel disease feels that they can’t be open about it to their partner then I find that sad. Which is why I feel it’s very relevant. I’m glad I provide the space for my partner to be able to tell me that he shit himself at a customers place the other week (and yes, apparently it smelt!!) Because it would make it so much worse for him to have to deal with that on his own. Sounds like some of the stuck up folk on here would demonise him for something he can’t help, and others would deny that even happens with IBD!

Now you’re referring to other posters as “stuck up folk”? You called me a prude last night for saying I find it basic decency to not fart when it can be helped around partners, and today insisted that I must live a miserable life at home because I can’t fart freely, like I’m actively fighting the urge around the clock ? Your responses to me have been very crass.

From all of your posts on there, I’ll repeat what the other poster told you; you are weird. You also sound vulgar, low class, defensive, and like you have a massive chip on your shoulder when it comes to people with different standards than you. Now you’re banging on your feminist drums, honestly it’s tiring. Have you ever considered that, just maybe, we’re not the ones who are “stuck up”, but it is in fact yourself who lacks decorum? To be honest I get the impression that you’ve never considered that at all so this will fall on deaf ears.

I only went the first time but he's been there on three occasions with indigestion. You can imagine how I feel about him overindulging.