DH said I’m selfish for having a dessert with birthday meal

[Paulaloves]

Apologies if TMI but I suffer from IBS and have certain trigger foods. I largely avoid these but occasionally treat myself when it’s an occasion such as my birthday.

It was my 40th meal at the weekend with friends so I decided to have a dessert i’d usually avoid. In front of our friends, DH acted funny and asked if me having that’s a good idea. When I said yes I will it’s my birthday, he said I was being selfish and it’d be him who has to suffer the consequences later. Really embarrassing in front of company.

Do you think I was being unreasonable?

Yes, it is selfish and self-centred to eat indulgent things knowing full well the impact it will have on others. If you live alone and it doesn’t affect anyone else - go for it. If you’re in a relationship, it begs the question why you have so little respect or consideration for your partner that you’d chose to inflict the unpleasant and unnecessary consequences on them.

From the person whose first response was to call people common? You actually have the audacity to have issue with someone giving back what you dish out? Why doesn’t that surprise me 😂

I can’t be bothered wasting my time finishing reading your pointless post, it makes no dotto my me or my life what your worthless opinion of me is 🤣

You are being perfectly reasonable if you left him with his front teeth intact
A pint of Guinness full frontal would have been a soft alternative

I said it was common behaviour after you called me a prude love, so don’t start with that.

Good, go back to your special safe place so you can discuss “smelly shits”. Enjoy.

This. @Paulaloves If he did it with humour, all fine, but if he was being absolutely serious about the selfish bit, then he’s a dick!

Happy 40th Birthday!!

Tiramisu? Profiteroles? Cheesecake? 😉

@CloudSky since you’re making things up now.

Well if you did it a lot I could understand he might find it a bit unpleasant to live with. But one dessert on you 40th birthday for fucks sake! I’d be pretty pissed off with him.

And at no point in that post did I call you a prude. I talked about a behaviour. But whatever you say, farty pants. Enjoy having to leave the room every time you need a trump and thinking that’s normal 😂

I think it was selfish behaviour on your part, because the outcomes of your action affect him negatively, you are aware of this, and you chose to go ahead anyway.

I also think it's completely reasonable to behave selfishly every now and then (probably more often really) - especially at your 40th birthday party.

Given the context, I think that him deciding to criticize you for it - especially the way he did (!) was really unkind (and ironically, quite selfish).

I think this will be resolved more easily if you acknowledge that it was selfish - but with the understanding that selfish behaviour is a completely normal component of everyone's behavioural profile i.e. it is not inherently bad.

Immature, Unhelpful, Disappointing reaction and behaviour & psychology of DH, especially in public. I'm not happy -- except that if the (medical) consequences on you from that once a while treat are known to be serious.

Why ? It’s her birthday and she clearly limits this type of food, so on one occasion - her 40th birthday - she asked for some understanding. What she got in return was an embarrassing lecture in front of friends. OP’s confirmed all that happens is the smell afterwards, it’s not as though she shits the bed is it ?

Why is it selfish to treat yourself in this way on special occasions when you’re denying yourself the rest of the time for the benefit of others ? I’d argue that DH is the selfish one for expecting OP to deny herself 100% of the time, simply for his benefit.

Wow. So OP should deny herself 100% of the time so her DH doesn’t have to put up with smelly farts for a while ? Who’s the selfish one here - OP, who restricts triggering foods most of the time because of the ‘impact’ on others, or DH who expects her to restrict herself permanently so he’s not inconvenienced by the smell ?

To make a comment like on your 40th birthday is really poor op.

Agree- deliberately exacerbating a medical condition affects a partner and he 100% had the right to question it.

Do you mean act like some men?? :)

In front of their friends, at the table in the restaurant ? The more l’m reading these pathetic comments the more l’m thinking that if posters don’t have experience of these distressing conditions, they’re not really qualified to comment !! OP restricts triggering foods most of the time and people are acting as though she should be a martyr to other people’s sensitivities 100% of the time. God forbid that her disability should minimally inconvenience her husband so she can enjoy a treat on her birthday. And presumably the toilet always smells like roses when he’s used it.

I think the big issue is that he said it in public

Yes. If you had any respect or consideration for your partner, you would. It’s vile to knowingly eat these things when you’re not the only one who has to suffer the consequences. If you live alone, fine. If not - it’s selfish and unnecessary.

Oh jeez, rein it in a bit!

😂🙄

You realise this would have taken a 5 second google to realise that this is bollocks?!

Your dh is out of order for being so nasty infront of others if he can't deal with a unpleasant smell for 1 min for air freshener to kick in then that's selfish to embarrass you Is out of order

You’re happy to live with someone who thinks it’s acceptable and you wouldn’t mind putting up with the smells? Good for you.

Happily not something I have to worry about 🙂

I think it’s a backwards step not be ashamed or embarrassed by anything. Some of us are rather sick of this societal degeneration - the low standards, no consideration for others, crass and gross behaviour in front of other people being normalised and encouraged, as though we’re animals with no finer feelings.