DH said I’m selfish for having a dessert with birthday meal

[Paulaloves]

Apologies if TMI but I suffer from IBS and have certain trigger foods. I largely avoid these but occasionally treat myself when it’s an occasion such as my birthday.

It was my 40th meal at the weekend with friends so I decided to have a dessert i’d usually avoid. In front of our friends, DH acted funny and asked if me having that’s a good idea. When I said yes I will it’s my birthday, he said I was being selfish and it’d be him who has to suffer the consequences later. Really embarrassing in front of company.

Do you think I was being unreasonable?

If there is ever a point I feel ashamed of my normal bodily functions when with my partner then I’ll know it’s time to end that relationship

Just goes to show there’s someone for everyone. I don’t want to know about my DH’s bodily functions, and wouldn’t tolerate this kind of thing. You would - good for you. We’re all different. I have no desire to be in a relationship with anyone who thinks I have to tolerate disgusting noises and smells.

nothing wrong with having some self-respect and dignity.

Animals have no problem with any body fonctions in public, we would go backwards if we did (some dogs do NOT like you to look at them when they poop, that's true, they're evolving. And don't get me started on cats 😂)

My body is not "gross", it doesn't mean I intend to fart in public, poop in public or change my tampax in public. I wouldn't even shave my legs or cut my nails in public either. Or on the sofa.

Just because some things are kept private doesn't mean they are embarrassing.
Even in your own home.

I’m just fed up with a backwards society.
behaving like caveman would be the backwards society, you got it all wrong. But do whatever you want to do in your own house, who's stopping you? Just have some respect for your kids.

I don't expect my partner to be embarrassed by anything, but the day he doesn't show me enough respect to keep some things private, he's out 😂

I am fully aware some people have a poo in the communal bathroom when the other is in the bath. Good for them. I don't even have a toilet in the bathroom.

Anyone "free" of all their body function in public tends to be called a pig. Which is unfair on pigs.

@rogueherries what is your take on shaming a partner in public?

To me it shows a lack of consideration for someone, it’s crass and disloyal behaviour in front of others as if OP has no finer feelings (to paraphrase your description of societal degeneration).

Why are you on about doing it “in public”? That’s not even what the discussion is about. We are talking about at home, and getting rid of daft stigma against normal things. I can’t see anyone here suggesting dropping trou and shitting on the high street.

😂 gawd, it does make me wonder how some people cope with real life!

I’m glad you found someone willing to live in fear of being shamed if he inadvertently breaks wind near you 😬 I wish him all the best!

"In front of people" if you prefer.

Just because they have the ill-fortune to be related or linked with you, doesn't mean they're not "people".

Why you would impose on your close ones what you don't impose on complete strangers is anyone's guess 😂

you seem to be spending A LOT of time thinking and debating this. You keep quoting us and bringing us back, is that such an important subject to you? 😂

I don't want to find my husband "comfortable", I want to fancy him and want to have sex with him just like we had from the start. And same for him.
You can keep laughing and talking about YOUR real life, I am very happy and comfortable with my choices, and my house is so much more pleasant to live in.

Maybe you both loved farting together on your first date, great, you found your soulmate. Congrats.

There’s plenty of things we do differently with the people close to us than strangers. That’s still not an argument.

I’d argue I think about this way less than you, as I’m not the one that goes running off every time I need a lil trump 🙈 I literally don’t think about it, that’s the point! It’s not wasting my headspace.

And you’re not quoting of course? 🙄 Christ on a bike, double standards R us on here 🤣

oh you're back AGAIN?

Great, happy farting!

Oh, so are you! Fancy that! 😂

Mind you don’t trip up with your head tipped so far back!

‘Real life’ apparently mean anything goes - no boundaries, no standards. If you and your husband enjoy breaking wind in front of each other like Shrek and Fiona, go for it 🤢🤣

Oh Crumbs, you are hilarious!

I hear you about saying that in public- 100-% it could have waited.

But i know from bitter experience the level of frustration when you watch someone you love actively take steps that damage their health. It’s hard work.

What a piece of work you are! Bullying people with bowel diseases and slagging them off as selfish, disgusting and embarrassing! We don't sit there farting! We might feel pain or discomfort and have to go toilet a few times but why is that a problem to anybody? Tread very careful about nasty bullying or people with bowel diseases because I wasn't diagnosed until 40 years of age! It can come for you and you realise how wrong you were to call sufferers smelly selfish and embarrassing!
As for backward, you win the award because in an age where we are trying to get awareness and understanding for a disease that impacts many children and adults, you have to be a nasty scrote about it and you would be that kind of person that if you owned a shop, you wouldn't let a sufferer use your toilet! Like I said you aren't special, bowel disease could come for you or anyone else in your life!

That's being dramatic in terms of bowel disease and having a treat for your birthday! It was my birthday on Monday and I was taken out fir a Turkish meal and loved it, yes I had to shit a few times the next morning but describing us as being like alcoholics or drug addicts?

Please don't tell me what my bowel motions smell like! I had an ex many years ago who really stank, it wasn't any IBS, some people just stink! When you have IBS, things aren't in your bowel that long to get that smelly.

It’s not about damaging their health. The odd treat isn’t going to do long term damage. Let’s be clear, this is about the smell. OP’s husband was rude and insensitive and it wasn’t a health concern, it was about the effect on himself.

Tell you what’s even more vile. To be so intolerant of disability that you would be happy for a partner who is mindful of you most of the time, to never, ever have an occasional treat because the smell would minimally inconvenience you for a short time afterwards. The intolerance here of what constitutes an actual disability is really concerning.

IBS is not a disability 😂😂

Using emotive language that isn’t even factually true doesn’t strengthen your argument.

Oh give over. It’s not a disability.

The attitude against toilet habits on this site is insane. I have ulcerative colitis and anything can set of symptoms far worse than ibs and my husband would never complain. Both ibs and ibd are an incurable illness and definitely with ulcerative colitis nothing to do with diet. Both result in smelly flatulence and far far worse. And both are not the persons fault. You people saying its inconsiderate need to get a grip. If I had to worry about not offending my husband with bad smells or an uncontrollable bowel I would literally have to chose death by starvation in order to not to cause him offence. Enjoy your healthy bowels! God forbid one day regardless of age, health levels and diet they let you down:)

The attitude against toilet habits on this site is insane. I have ulcerative colitis and anything can set of symptoms far worse than ibs and my husband would never complain. Both ibs and ibd are an incurable illness and definitely with ulcerative colitis nothing to do with diet. Both result in smelly flatulence and far far worse. And both are not the persons fault. You people saying its inconsiderate need to get a grip. If I had to worry about not offending my husband with bad smells or an uncontrollable bowel I would literally have to chose death by starvation in order to not to cause him offence. Enjoy your healthy bowels! God forbid one day regardless of age, health levels and diet they let you down:)