DH said I’m selfish for having a dessert with birthday meal

[Paulaloves]

Apologies if TMI but I suffer from IBS and have certain trigger foods. I largely avoid these but occasionally treat myself when it’s an occasion such as my birthday.

It was my 40th meal at the weekend with friends so I decided to have a dessert i’d usually avoid. In front of our friends, DH acted funny and asked if me having that’s a good idea. When I said yes I will it’s my birthday, he said I was being selfish and it’d be him who has to suffer the consequences later. Really embarrassing in front of company.

Do you think I was being unreasonable?

He is an arsehole and you need to put him in his place - nasty sod.

Cheeky sod ! I’m the same as you,but if I choose to eat something that’s up to me,my husband sleeps through everything.sorry he is being like that xxx

This.

My husband will eat stuff and then take to the bed/a&e with stomach cramps.

Did you order kimchi for dessert?!! Sounds like a total di*k

Unbelievable some on here think yabu OP. I have IBS and avoid food I know will trigger it but it was your birthday and a treat, so a stinky toilet (which no doubt you clean anyway) is a small price to pay.

Your DH was incredibly rude and it was an unnecessary comment in company or in private. I hope you enjoyed every mouthful 😀

Aww. A bro feeling sorry for a pig of a bro... 🙄

'Maybe he should have been more discrete'...
Although some may think that DH should not in any way 'police' what the OP eats but I think possibly most posting here would agree that airing the subject in front of friends and by the sound of it, actually at the table, was the worst and meanest faux pas he could have made! 🙄
This is just another of the many examples of the male sex just not knowing or sadly not caring what the boundaries are in this sort of situation! 🙁
Sadly so many men seem to jump on every opportunity to belittle and control their partners, we read the same or similar stories over and over on this forum and probably will continue to do so...😡

It was her birthday, ffs!

He said what? On your birthday? In front of friends?

gosh…men just stop dating aren’t they?

Because it takes seconds for the smell to go away once you've opened a window or lit a match?

It's like the thread on here a few weeks ago where someone posted (I assume seriously) that it was selfish to use a loo in work for a poo because it smells.

Heaven forbid that anyone carries out a bodily function on MN!

It would be different if it made you ill and the OP's DH had to pick up the slack.

My grand did not get to police what my grandad ate, or drank, or smoked. Who ended up suffering the consequences of looking after an obese paraplegic in her 70s? Correct. My gran.

A spouse absolutely gets to police what the other spouse eats, provided that spouse is sure that in his or her 70s or whatever age they will suffer the consequences. If he however does not intend to stick around to look after you in your old age, then his comment was out of order and it does not concern him.

However saying it in front of strangers? Absolute knob, moron, disrespectful.

Nightly occurrence in our house by my husband.

My DH has a similar condition, I occasionally (light-heartedly) comment if he's eating a trigger food but we both know the consequences and he wants to eat food he enjoys so it's up to him.

Did you order kimchi for dessert?!! Sounds like a total di*k

Don't know if you have heard of a small spray, it's called "No more poo smells"
All you do is spray about 3 sprays into toilet before you do a poo. It really works, costs around £6 online, small enough to pop in your handbag or pocket as well, so if going out, or visiting friends it can stop you feeling embarrassed. I take one with me everywhere I go, I buy 3 at a time. Well worth a try, believe me.

House of IBS, celiac's, and gastric sleeves with all the bowel problems here - We all take some lactulose, Pyriton (sorry spelling!) Before we have bad food. It really helps. Might not be the same for you, though.

Hubby was being a bit gaslighty, there. Blaming his lack of empathy on your IBS, like it's your fault he owns a nose and can smell with it. How does he deal with other slight smells? Smells outside? Does he lose his temper?

Tell him he should refer himself to "Chill the f*ck out and woman up therapy".

What an absolute arse!
also so patronising, talking to you like you’re a child, it was your birthday fgs, and if you want a desert you should bloody have one!

I get it. It's miserable having to watch every mouthful 365 days a year. And he's being an AH mentioning it in company.

@Paulaloves YANBU OP. I also suffer with IBS and my DH has never been anything other than sympathetic and supportive and would never attempt to embarrass me like that with friends. Your DH is a dick.
Hope you had a FABULOUS 40th! 🍾💥

Gluten kicks my ibs off........ charcoal tablets really help cut the smell lol

I end up in pain at work trying hold it in, and other times I DO fart at work. As do others, I have smelt it.

My bestie is also open with farting, and because she is, I am now too.

And of course my partner finds me attractive! He’s not shallow like you. He has bodily functions including a bowel disease, so he’s always on the loo, and at his worst has even shit himself! Maybe I should dump him and judge him for it 🙄 ffs

No way in hell I’m spending my private life in pain, or rushing around looking for a loo, or getting out of bed every five minutes because I’m having a bad night and my partner might treat me like a leper for needing to trump.

If you want to live as though you’re house sharing with a stranger then bully for you, but most normal people like to feel completely comfortable and not judged by their partner for a natural bodily function that everyone does. I hope you never end up the partner of someone with a bowel disease as I pity the poor sod in advance.

Hey, if you want to feel judged in your own home or like you’re not free to relax and not worry about farting then you go for it. Sounds dire to me 🤣

Oh come on!! I think the phrase that is very pertinent is “like his shit doesn’t stink”. Good grief.

In Woman and Home a while ago there was a woman talking about when she was in a boat race. She started going to the loo a lot and her fellow rowers said she should get the Most Likely To Need an Inconvienient Poo Award. After she got home she was diagnosed with bowel cancer. She had treatment and survived.
There was an interview on The One Show with a woman whose sister died of bowel cancer, She used to get moaned at for the amount of toilet paper she used.

It aint just MN