RSVP to my 4 year old’s party told me they’re bringing 2yr old sibling

[Watchespaintdry]

We’re doing a 4th bday party at home for my daughter (money is tight hence at home), sent the invites out yesterday specifically addressed to the invited child and one of my friends has responded saying their daughter + 2yr old brother would love to come (she’s worded it to imply they don’t have childcare). So she’s telling me, not asking me, that the brother is coming too. I’ve been to parties before and always asked if if was ok to bring my 2.5yr old son too, due to lack of childcare, and these were soft play parties with no space issues, as it were. If they’d said no I couldn’t, I’d be totally cool and understand.

Thing is, I’m concerned about the space, and that this person will have 2 kids to watch. We’ve only got so much space around the dining table. She was the first to rsvp and now I’m worried other people are gonna bring siblings. I’ve got no problem with the brother, he’s cute and lovely and I love my friend and don’t want to upset her. I’ve invited 11 of my daughter’s friends (mixture of preschool and others) and confident they won’t all be able to come, given party statistics. Should I just suck it up and hope no one else brings siblings? This is the first party I’ve ever hosted.
My 2.5 yr old son will also be there (ofcourse).

I think it depends if you need the mum to stay or not? If she is expected to say but has no other childcare for the sibling you can't expect her to attend. So depends what you want more? I'm fine with siblings if it's not pay per head. Even then it's normally OK as not everyone turns up.

4 seems young to drop and run for a party. We had this for a reception age party. Around 60 kids came and not one of them stayed!

So a compromise would be drop and run but keep the party short

I think it’s very hard/inhospitable to say no when it’s an at home party. It’s just one more around the table to cake surely?

But like a PP, there are lots of low income and single parent families where I live so it’s the done thing not to make their lives harder.

PS but agree she phrased it rudely and should not have assumed.

So how the hell do these 7 year olds go to the loo otherwise?

This is where either a phone call or in person is best - I'd explain about the space/numbers constraint but say if people can't come then of course sibling can join (assuming you are OK with this) and you'll have to come back to her.

Honestly I wouldn’t treat a friend like this. On any other day surely her kids are welcome to your home. I have a toddler and an older child. Both my kids were always invited to a friend’s place for a party. My 9yo friend had a party and my toddler was invited to their place as the mum is also a friend.

you know your friend has childcare issues, she’s your friend and not the parent of a kid in the class, you both have kids the same age. Why wouldn’t you make an exception?

Sorry that bit was badly phrased - they needed taking to the loo, not help to use the loo

At one party I went to, they had put 'siblings welcome' on the invite, but then backtracked and said no siblings after space became an issue. It happens, it can be a logistical issue for some parents esp when the kids aren't old enough to be left, but it doesn't have to be personal.

I’m going against the grain here, but with a kids party at home is easy peasy to fit in a few extra. No real additional cost per head, just slice the cake into nice small squares! In what scenario would you get a load of toddlers all sitting nicely at the table at the same time anyway? Let birthday child sit up to blow out candles and the rest can stand up anyway. I think it’s really lacking in community spirit to say little brothers are not welcome.

Simply tell her you are worried about numbers and will let her know closer to the date if siblings can be accommodated.

You say she's a friend you love, so not just a school Mom. I'd suck it up. If you want to set the table for 13 kids only (DD, ds and her 11 mates) then explain there won't be room at the table but of course he can come. I think I'd just value my friendship over making his my hill i die on.
Why don't you feel she's able to look after two kids at once tho?

I wouldn’t have left our 4 year olds at a party.

Adding shitplopping to my personal vocabularly!

And also 'vocabulary'...

This is a decision the other mum can make if offered the option

The rude part is replying and adding on an extra person. The wording doesn't have to be so formal, that was just to give the general idea.

It’s up to you, @GehenSieweiter . But honestly if people act as if a little home gathering for a few preschoolers is strictly invite only then it’s ultimately going to be off putting for the future and I do think it’s worth bearing that in mind. A home party doesn’t have the same allure as one based around an activity or interest and if people get wind of someone being a bit snooty about precisely who can come it may well put them off accepting future invitations.

Imagine, people 'acting as if' the person on the invite was actually the one invited? 🫣

I was never trying to convince you of anything.

4 year olds are dropped off at school all day no problem. They play up to it if they know you’ll get anxious and stay.

As side issues, better to:

1. Start parties a bit older, so 4 year olds turning 5 in Reception is preferable.
2. Invite less children, then it’s less overwhelming. Adding 1-2 adults and uninvited siblings who none of the children invited necessarily know is what actually adds to the overwhelm.

Just make sure all the invited kids have a seat at the table. Name places if you think necessary the littles will have to sit with their grown ups. At 2 years they're not going to hoover up all the food either.

I had similar for my 5 yr old. The party and food didn't matter ( mat too much food and a hired hall)
It was the apparent expectation of a party bag that peed me off

We never had a hall party! We always had a home party. How ungrateful and mean to say it’s not as good. No unhappy children at my parties. Restrained numbers to 8 when little and 12 when older.

You dont have a village because you exclude people. Toddlers are people too.
Its just mumsnet batshittery thst a 4 year old party would only include some of friends kids.